What to do now..to visit or not

amy_m

At the end of the summer my boyfriend of a few months moved to nz. We never went through the break up as such just didn't discuss it (foolish in hindsight!). I found it hard as I had fallen for him at that stage but we remained friends and kept in contact.

Roll on xmas and feelings start to resurface. I found myself missing him even more than before. He seemed the same and contact increased.
Shortly after xmas I booked flights to go see him during the summer as we both admitted to missing each other a lot.

However things have changed since then as things are going really well for him out there and he has decided to stay on out there. Unfortunately I am not in a position to go out anytime in the near future. We both realise that things are not going to work in the longterm.

I had come to this conclusion myself since booking the flights and find myself in a position where I am am ready to move on. But now I have my departure date nearing and I am unsure what to do when I go out there.

Do we get together and have a few weeks of passion and come home knowing that that is that it's finished, or just enjoy the holiday as friends, or do I just go do my own thing? Chances are we won't have any face to face contact again for quite a while.

It's a long way to go not to take every opportunity to see as much as I can when I'm there, and my flights non refundable so I've decided to go anyway. Will I regret it more if I don't spend the time with him while I'm there or is it best to keep it as friends? I had planned to stay with him while in nz but accept that might not be the best option now. It may be hard on him too and I certainly am not going on a mission to bring him home. I know he better off out there then struggling at home.

Anyone else been in similar situations re long distance and what happens next? Advice appreciated!

Brego888

Treat the as a holiday and get the most you can from it.
But you also definitely need to see and talk with him to decide is there is any future at all in the relationship.
At the very least you will get some closure face to face rather than email or Skype.

Try your best to enjoy the trip!

Forever Hopeful

Op,

Having both been in a LDR and also been to NZ, I say go. It's a VERY long way to go and a once in a lifetime chance to see an amazing country. Go and see as much as you can, you will never regret that experience.
As for the guy, go with no expectations. You cannot predict what will happen as ppl often behave differently when they are in a different environment.
Protect your own feelings but whatever you do don't waste this opportunity and long journey to play happy families with him. See the country.

amy_m

Thanks for the replies. I think closure is definitely important but I think that we will remain friends so it would be good to spend some time with him. Things just sort of fizzled out lately...a few thousand miles between us does certainly change things!

But keeping it as a holiday is important too. I don't want the opportunity to pass me by, he might not be interested in doing the touristy thing but maybe he will join me for some of it! It would be very easy to just spend the few weeks doing nothing with him too.

Who knows what will happen between us, no expectations is probably the best idea, thank you

miamee

Just to add here, plan what you want to see and do while you are there as it might be very easy to end up staying at his place, hanging out with him at night and hanging round while he is at work/college. Have a list of things you want to do and if he wants to do some of them great, and if not do them anyway.

Obviously spending a few days together is a good idea to talk things through and get some closure or a mutual agreement as to what is happening with the two of you. But certainly do not spend the whole holiday on it, New Zealand is a wonderful place

Good luck!