Repeating the same mistakes all over again...

LegacyUser

Several years ago, (I'm 22 now), I fell for a guy who was my best friend. He tolerated me for a long time knowing what my behaviour was like i.e. I used to stop him talking to girls when he was out and I became flirtatious with him (I'm a guy too) even though he is completely straight. After a few years of my bad behaviour, he eventually stopped talking to me 2 years ago. The sad thing is I realised all the time how bad my behaviour was but kept making mistakes over and over again. I still mourn that loss as a best friend.

Lately, about the last 6 months I've been chatting with this guy from abroad whom I'm going to meet in a few months in real life. He lives in his native country in mainland Europe while I'm stuck in Ireland. We've gotten to know each other very well, indeed, he's often referred to me as the guy he's always wanted as a best friend - we just happen to be interested in all the same things. He's also completely straight and I've sort of fallen for him as well over the net but he doesn't know it. However, when he talks about girls all the time (he knows about my sexuality), I start to get jealous, like now when we were chatting a few minutes ago. He was telling me how he spent the evening with a nice girl and for some reason, a part of me shuts down and I literally have no control over it and feel like closing in and isolating myself, and now I'm giving him half replies and crap like that. In other words, the same mistakes are happening with this guy as it did with the last guy...and when we meet, I'm aware we'll get on but eventually as all that niceness subsides, I know bad things will happen and worried I'm going to sacrifice yet another friendship.

Can you provide any advice?

Roisy7

Well, I'm a straight girl so perhaps my advice may not be the most helpful, but I do have some experience of falling for someone unattainable.

And do you know something? You know when people say, "there's plenty more fish in the sea" and you want to smash their faces in? Trite and annoying as it is, it's true. The first time I fell in love I felt like I'd never ever be capable of feeling even half of that with someone else. But I did.

What am I trying to say? This man, however great he may be, is not the one for you. He can never be. He's straight, and it's folly to think you can turn someone. But you know all this already.

It seems to me OP that you are not happy with your life here (stuck in Ireland). I think partly that's why you're focusing on your new friend so much. So is there anything you can do to improve life here? Take up something new, head out more, meet new people?

You also need to explore why you're falling for straight guys too. Are you possibly afraid of a relationship and taking safety in loving someone who can't have a relationship with you? It sounds odd, but rejection can be sometimes safe and fulfil our own prophecies.

Good luck OP

looksee

Yes, if you carry on you will definitely sacrifice another friendship. You are making too many excuses for yourself, if you are going to become attached in that way to friends you need to be more involved with the gay community so your approaches will be more acceptable, or at least understandable.

There is no reason why a person of any orientation should not have friends who are romantically unavailable to them, you just have to be prepared to act appropriately.