ex and emmigration...

vagabond2013

my self and new partner want to emigrate. the problem is my other half has an ex she has a daughter with. We know he would not agree to let his daughter go even for a better life.. We know its the right thing to do.. so do we just up and go or where do we even begin? Advice please

LegacyUser

Op, why do you think it will be a better life for his daughter? Because its somewhere has sunshine???? It's illegal if you take his daughter out of the country without his consent. If he is an alcoholic and wants nothing to do with his daughter, its a different story but if he is paying support and still sees his daughter from time to time, I think it's cruel if you and your partner trying to separate them. I say, you both should let him know your plans and why you think it's better for his daughter to immigrate and take it from there.

judgefudge

He has a right to see his child regularly. It would be incredibly selfish to separate a daughter from her father. In my opinion.

Lovetochill

There is no chance you just up and go. It's illegal to do so and you can't get a visa for a child to immigrate without the dads consent IMO. I'm talking about If the dad is still very much in his daughters life, its very bad of you thinking of taking his daughter away without talking to him even think it will be a better life for his daughter. What you think better for her might not be the same what he thinks better for his child. its better for him and the child to see each other as much as they could. Imagine if you were in his shoes. I say, you need to talk the dad first before making any decisions. Good luck.

The Big Red Button

Put it this way - say if your partner's ex were to just 'up and go' with her daughter, how do you think she'd feel and react?

There's your answer.

vagabond2013

i agree and were not trying to do that. but he is so pig headed that even entering discussions about it (or any thing) are impossible and become a row
of course he entitled to see his daughter and that would obviously need to be worked out but how if he wont even discuss it..

The Big Red Button

vagabond2013 wrote: »

i agree and were not trying to do thatb. but he is so pig headed that even entering discussions about it (or any thing) are impossible and become a row
of course he entitled to see his daughter and that would obviously need to be worked out but how if he wont even discuss it..

If I were in his situation, I wouldn't even entertain the idea of my child being brought to live in a different country.

His position and attitude are completely understandable.

Lovetochill

vagabond2013 wrote: »

i agree and were not trying to do that. but he is so pig headed that even entering discussions about it (or any thing) are impossible and become a row
of course he entitled to see his daughter and that would obviously need to be worked out but how if he wont even discuss it..

Op, you called him pig headed because he refused talking to you about you and your new partner plan to take his daughter to another country???? It looks like he has already showed you that he doesn't agree and there is no need to discuss it. I'm sorry but this is not a small matter!!!! It's relationship between him and his daughter, very big deal to him.

vagabond2013

well that depends on your point of view... if you knew his history (which i would not post on here) youd understand more why we want to go.. put it like this.. hes the main reason we want to emigrate.. and he snot a very upstanding citizen if ya get my drift
he hardly even sees her

vagabond2013

i meant pigheaded in general about anything. there hasnt been a discussion about this yet. but on previous related issues we know what he will be like

Ickle Magoo

If he won't give his consent then you can take legal action and petition for a right to leave. A judge will consider whether it's really in the child's best interests to move and you will need to have a clear plan in place to ensure that the child still has regular contact with their father (skype, etc) and that visitations can take place and you are willing, both financially and logistically, to make sure that happens.

Get legal advice on how best to proceed.

All the best.

vagabond2013

thank you for the advice and much appreciated

clairefontaine

Your partner cannot emmigrate because as a single custodial parent she will not get a visa to anywhere outside of the EU. For it to be possible she would have to marry so that her marital status changes from single to married. This makes her less of a financial liability to the receiving country.

You did not say what country you want to emmigrate to. I imagine the question of distance would be a mitigating factor on the child's father's response and how this will affect his time with her. If you are going to England, that would be very different to going to Australia or the Falklands or someplace like that.

Prepare a solid plan for how you will both ensure that he can see her and that it will not cost him but also demonstrate how this will give her a better life. And take it from there. If he objects, she can always petition the court.

CaraMay

You really should not be taking the daughter of a 'new partner' aesy from her father no matter what his social position.

What age is the kid?

vagabond2013

Again thanks for the advice.. the child is 10 and yes were thinking of the uk or canada...

Legs.Eleven

I really feel for the dad. Have you really considered how he'd feel? This is heartbreaking.

clairefontaine

vagabond2013 wrote: »

Again thanks for the advice.. the child is 10 and yes were thinking of the uk or canada...

Unless she marries, she can forget Canada. She wont get a visa.

ManOfMystery

I'm surprised no-one has asked how the child feels about it. She is 10 years old so IMO she's old enough to have an opinion on it.

Has she expressed any desire to go? Is she close to her father? Is she worried she'll miss him?

If she isn't close to him, and he generally doesn't make much of an effort to see her anyway, then that would greatly affect the decision. If they are close however, you really need to take that into consideration. You may be giving her a better life financially, but driving a wedge between father and daughter will not give her a better life emotionally.

vagabond2013

I really feel for the dad. Have you really considered how he'd feel? This is heartbreaking.

its not heartbreaking at all you dont know him or what hes like... he has absolutely no interest in his daughter or her welfare but merely makes our life and hers as difficult as he possibly can for No apparent reason.. His own daughter is old enough to know whats what.. we dont hide anything from her but to him shes just a pawn in his mind games.. she cant stand him and hates having to go and see him (her words not mine) ...

Mervenut

vagabond2013 wrote: »

I really feel for the dad. Have you really considered how he'd feel? This is heartbreaking.

its not heartbreaking at all you dont know him or what hes like... he has absolutely no interest in his daughter or her welfare but merely makes our life and hers as difficult as he possibly can for No apparent reason.. His own daughter is old enough to know whats what.. we dont hide anything from her but to him shes just a pawn in his mind games.. she cant stand him and hates having to go and see him (her words not mine) ...

If that is the case then I suggest you contact a family law solicitor and have your girlfriend apply for full custody/sole guardianship of her daughter. Otherwise she can't leave the country.

Legs.Eleven

vagabond2013 wrote: »

I really feel for the dad. Have you really considered how he'd feel? This is heartbreaking.

its not heartbreaking at all you dont know him or what hes like... he has absolutely no interest in his daughter or her welfare but merely makes our life and hers as difficult as he possibly can for No apparent reason.. His own daughter is old enough to know whats what.. we dont hide anything from her but to him shes just a pawn in his mind games.. she cant stand him and hates having to go and see him (her words not mine) ...

Well in fairness, you failed to mention that bit.


Go and talk to a solicitor then, I'd say. Good luck.

ElleEm

I really echo what ManofMystery says. How does the daughter feel about this?
You call her mother your "new partner". How new is this relationship?
Is it wise to be walking into the child's life and up- ending it by toying with the idea of moving to a new country? I get that you don't respect her father, but he should still have the option to see and speak to his child, and this would be a damn sight harder to do if you lived in Canada/ UK. It is not your right to take this away from him.