Hate myself for blowing it

LegacyUser

Will keep this as short as possible.

31. Only 2 proper relationships. Longest was 8 months. No sex in 2 years but have kissed several girls.

Met a great girl and we saw each other for 3 months. Things moved very slow mainly because of my shyness and lack of confidence. She gave me every chance and when we did get intimate I was awful! My kissing was embarassing because I really wanted to impress her. Make her feel special. She asked me did I feel uncomfortable with . I denied it when i should have trusted her but was in a negative place sith myself. She eventually told me she had to end things be ause the physical attraction was not there. I know from mutual friends that she had been very happy, but felt uneasy at my lack of confidence. She was very upset - far more than usual for a short relationship.

That was 4 weeks ago. I sent her an email and she responded that her feelings bad not changed and she would love to feel differently. I am devastated. Know I have blown a great chance. There was so much right and I cannot clear my head. I accept he decision but do not know how to move on or forgive myself.

Anybody in similar position have any advice. Right now I feel fairly worthless and that i'll never be able to form a normal relationship.

blatantrereg

Just don't focus on yourself so much, and don't feel a need to impress people.
Being confident doesn't mean being awesome at everything, it just means being able to be yourself.

You went out with her for three months. She seems happy with how you treated her. She seems to think you're someone who it would be worth being in a relationship with. My understanding is that there wasn't chemistry when it came to it - possibly because you felt awkward, or because you were doing things in a contrived way.
That doesn't really add up to you blowing it. That's just things not panning out the way you hoped.

Just forget the need to impress people and represent yourself honestly. If you feel awkward with women, then just tell them you take a while to feel comfortable with someone. Otherwise they'll just wonder why you don't respond to them, and maybe question their own attractiveness.

beks101

blatantrereg wrote: »

If you feel awkward with women, then just tell them you take a while to feel comfortable with someone. Otherwise they'll just wonder why you don't respond to them, and maybe question their own attractiveness.

Yeah this.

She obviously felt strongly for you given her reaction to things ending.

But the communication wasn't really there from your side of things, and she probably thought the fact that you couldn't perform or whatever happened...meant you just weren't that into her.

She was probably nervous too and an explanation would have gone a hell of a long way towards bridging that gap.

Just be honest next time. We're very forgiving when it comes to these things.

Single1

Hi,

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I was with a guy very similar to you but my situation was a little different. He just started completely ignoring me one day. This was quite a while back but the start of our story is the same just not the end of it. The point I am trying to make (very badly) is that there are girls out there who are not turned off by a shy guy. In fact I really really like it. It can be difficult when it is getting in the way of relationships but just try to be as honest as you can about how nervous you are. I was mad about this guy, he just lost interest but I am grateful that I now know that I dont like the loud, full of themselves kind of guys (I always went for them before). Anyway all I'm saying is be yourself. You sould like a really decent guy. Also guys make WAY too big a deal about when things go slightly wrong in the bedroom dept!!! Seriously it takes time to get used to someone new and if your upfront from the start it wont be an issue. I wish you the very best of luck!!!!

December2012

She asked you a question that she probably knew the answer to, yet you denied it.

Look, sex can be a messy business and it doesn't always go perfectly but the fact that you were not open to communicating about it would've put me off. I am not saying that you talk out every sexual problem, but communication is a big issue for me.

LegacyUser

Hi OP here.

Thanks for comments. I'm just so hurt that I let my own inhibitions stopped me opening up to a girl I really like and feel a connection with. She didnt see the best of me and now I cannot stop thinking about her.

Single1

Hope things get better for ya. Has there been any other contact other than the email?

thefeatheredcat

Guttedguy wrote: »

I accept he decision but do not know how to move on or forgive myself.

Guttedguy wrote: »

Right now I feel fairly worthless and that i'll never be able to form a normal relationship.

Guttedguy wrote: »

I let my own inhibitions stopped me opening up to a girl I really like and feel a connection with. She didnt see the best of me and now I cannot stop thinking about her.

I think you should stop beating yourself up about it. You made a mistake, it happens, and you have to move on from it by learning from it.

I don't think the shyness is the problem, nor the lack of confidence given that she did give you loads of chances, which I would interpret as showing patience. It was trying to impress and not communicate that did the damage. As other posters said, just be yourself and be upfront and honest and communicative.

Did she know you were in a bad place with yourself? Maybe it just wasn't the right time for you for a relationship if you were feeling negative about yourself and this should be a priority for you to work on.

Forgive yourself, I would doubt that if she genuinely liked you that she'd want you to be giving yourself an unjustifiable hard time over what happened, but you absolutely must learn from it. Don't spend time kicking yourself over what was lost, because that chance may be gone, sure, but there will be others and it is not worth wasting time looking back with regret, you'll only make yourself unhappy in the process and miss out on a lot more opportunities as a result.

LegacyUser

Hi, OP again. No other contact since the email. I have deliberately done this to try and move on but it is very tough and I miss her in my life but it woyld not be fair to pester her. She made her decision. Maybe things will fix themselves in time. I doubt it but I want to be with somebody who is happy to be with me. I think she was the one though and it hurts that I pushed her away. She did give nme so many chances

LegacyUser

Op you seem like a very sincere guy. I know you are hurting and you say she is as well.

I think you are right to give yourselves space. Both of you need to move on but maybe in a few months that break might mean ye can take a fresh look at things and maybe be open and try again. Her feelings might change when the immediate hurt goes

LegacyUser

Guttedguy I was in the same position myself. I did beat myself up but you need to learn the lessons. Get out there, date loads of girls, build up your confidence