2 year affair

LegacyUser

Hi Guys,

Firstly I know I am going to come off as the villain in this situation but I really need to get something off my chest.

Ok so about 2 and a half years ago I stated having an affair with my best friends girlfriend. Now before you get the pitch forks out let me tell you how it happened.

It started when they were going out with each other for about a year, I was on holidays in another country surfing facebook late at night when I get a message from her. She asked me if I was with her boyfriend and I replied that I was away. They both had blackberries and she was using google latitude to track him without his knowledge. She looked on the screen and saw he was in a strip club on South William street. Now I knew he was probably out with the lads and I told her not to worry, that anytime I had seen him in one of these clubs he never got a dance or anything. She was very upset, but she thanked me for being honest.

So this continues for a while, any time she was having an argument with him she would contact me. At first all I was trying to do was help, I had no intention what so ever of hooking up with her. I would never touch a friends GF (or so I thought) and I would stick up for him all the time. I moved to a different country for a few months and the conversations continued, but she would talk to me asking me how I was etc. We had a lot in common and I did find it very easy to talk to her. We would talk about anything and I really felt we were building a friendship. She would constantly ask me for advice on her BF, and every I would remember where my loyalties were and always stick up for him.

The arguing started getting worse and worse between the two of them and one night she asked me to meet her as she was very upset and she needed to talk to someone in person and not on the phone or on FB. Again nothing happened, but this lead on to her asking me to meet up with her a couple of times a month.

One of the main issues for her was that he would never kiss her and they went almost 2 years without having sex, not her choice, his. Another thing you should know about him is one night, before he met his GF, he and I were on a night out and ended up in his house chatting. We were taking E that night. He started acting really weird and taking out his penis and asking me to suck him off which I point blank refuses, but at the time I put it down to the drugs, but after she told me that they didn't have sex for so long, I suggested would it be possible that he was gay. I've known the guy for 10+ years and in that entire time he never really went after girls, hence I was able to say to her about him and the strippers. Anyway, she confronts him and asks him point blank was he gay, to which he replied "it's none of you business if I'm gay" they next few weeks she told me he got very violent with her and she emailed me photos of one night when he came home drunk and started hitting her. The pictures she her very badly bruised with a lot of swelling.

It was at this point I saw red. I rang him the next day and told him if he ever does that again I will go over and beat the living crap out of him. At this point I had lost all respect for him.

Now at this point you might have guesses we had both developed feelings for each other. We talked about them a lot, but we always said we should never act on them. One day we were out together and we were in my car, things were just nice between and she leaned in and kissed me. Initially I pulled away, but my feelings took over and I kissed her back.

The next week I was incredibly guilty and when I spoke to her I told her that it was a complete accident and should never happen again. The next weekend she called me on Friday and told me she needed a place to crash because they were in another massive fight. I told her she could stay in mine so I set up the spare room. We were in my room watching tv when she got into her PJ's. I cuddled into her and she kinda rubbed herself up against me and that was it, we couldn't hold back our feelings anymore and we had sex.

This was the start of a 2 year affair where we spent all our time sneaking around behind his back. I begged her to break up with him but she never would. I knew he didn't love her like I did, and I also knew that if he knew even half the things about her that do he would never talk to her again. Things apart from the affair. But through out it all she was adamant that she still loved him, in the way they girls love they guys they can't win the affection of.

It all came to a halt last year when he hacked into her messages and read all the conversations we had. He sent me a vicious email and made her write me a message saying not to contact her again. I respected this for a while, but then just to make sure she was ok I set up a fake profile on FB and messaged her a code we had.

We met up again and she told me life had been hell since he found out. She told me that he wanted her gone, but due to living arrangement's she couldn't leave. This goes on for another few months until finally she leaves him, but on the way out the door he says to her "Please reconsider, let's give it a month". In the mean time she takes me out and brings me back to her new apartment and we have sex, we then meet up again the following week and we have sex again.

The following week is Christmas she is going back home where we meet up, she tells me she has something important to tell me. When we meet up she basically dumps me telling me she is going to give it another shot with him. I play it cool but underneath I'm heartbroken.

I haven't contacted her since, but I miss her like crazy. I have been occupying myself with a few other dates, but I don't think I am ready to move on.

I really don't know what to do, I know he is not right for her but she is so madly in love with him she will do anything to make it work. I know she loves me too, but he basically gave her a choice and she chose him.

I don't know what to do, should I move on and forget about this whole incident? Or should I fight to get her back. I already feel like a sack of **** for everything that went down, but I can't help my feelings for her. Feelings I know she shares.

Im lost, please help.

Abi

StillHaveFeelings wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Firstly I know I am going to come off as the villain in this situation but I really need to get something off my chest.

Ok so about 2 and a half years ago I stated having an affair with my best friends girlfriend. Now before you get the pitch forks out let me tell you how it happened.

It started when they were going out with each other for about a year, I was on holidays in another country surfing facebook late at night when I get a message from her. She asked me if I was with her boyfriend and I replied that I was away. They both had blackberries and she was using google latitude to track him without his knowledge. She looked on the screen and saw he was in a strip club on South William street. Now I knew he was probably out with the lads and I told her not to worry, that anytime I had seen him in one of these clubs he never got a dance or anything. She was very upset, but she thanked me for being honest.

So this continues for a while, any time she was having an argument with him she would contact me. At first all I was trying to do was help, I had no intention what so ever of hooking up with her. I would never touch a friends GF (or so I thought) and I would stick up for him all the time. I moved to a different country for a few months and the conversations continued, but she would talk to me asking me how I was etc. We had a lot in common and I did find it very easy to talk to her. We would talk about anything and I really felt we were building a friendship. She would constantly ask me for advice on her BF, and every I would remember where my loyalties were and always stick up for him.

The arguing started getting worse and worse between the two of them and one night she asked me to meet her as she was very upset and she needed to talk to someone in person and not on the phone or on FB. Again nothing happened, but this lead on to her asking me to meet up with her a couple of times a month.

One of the main issues for her was that he would never kiss her and they went almost 2 years without having sex, not her choice, his. Another thing you should know about him is one night, before he met his GF, he and I were on a night out and ended up in his house chatting. We were taking E that night. He started acting really weird and taking out his penis and asking me to suck him off which I point blank refuses, but at the time I put it down to the drugs, but after she told me that they didn't have sex for so long, I suggested would it be possible that he was gay. I've known the guy for 10+ years and in that entire time he never really went after girls, hence I was able to say to her about him and the strippers. Anyway, she confronts him and asks him point blank was he gay, to which he replied "it's none of you business if I'm gay" they next few weeks she told me he got very violent with her and she emailed me photos of one night when he came home drunk and started hitting her. The pictures she her very badly bruised with a lot of swelling.

It was at this point I saw red. I rang him the next day and told him if he ever does that again I will go over and beat the living crap out of him. At this point I had lost all respect for him.

Now at this point you might have guesses we had both developed feelings for each other. We talked about them a lot, but we always said we should never act on them. One day we were out together and we were in my car, things were just nice between and she leaned in and kissed me. Initially I pulled away, but my feelings took over and I kissed her back.

The next week I was incredibly guilty and when I spoke to her I told her that it was a complete accident and should never happen again. The next weekend she called me on Friday and told me she needed a place to crash because they were in another massive fight. I told her she could stay in mine so I set up the spare room. We were in my room watching tv when she got into her PJ's. I cuddled into her and she kinda rubbed herself up against me and that was it, we couldn't hold back our feelings anymore and we had sex.

This was the start of a 2 year affair where we spent all our time sneaking around behind his back. I begged her to break up with him but she never would. I knew he didn't love her like I did, and I also knew that if he knew even half the things about her that do he would never talk to her again. Things apart from the affair. But through out it all she was adamant that she still loved him, in the way they girls love they guys they can't win the affection of.

It all came to a halt last year when he hacked into her messages and read all the conversations we had. He sent me a vicious email and made her write me a message saying not to contact her again. I respected this for a while, but then just to make sure she was ok I set up a fake profile on FB and messaged her a code we had.

We met up again and she told me life had been hell since he found out. She told me that he wanted her gone, but due to living arrangement's she couldn't leave. This goes on for another few months until finally she leaves him, but on the way out the door he says to her "Please reconsider, let's give it a month". In the mean time she takes me out and brings me back to her new apartment and we have sex, we then meet up again the following week and we have sex again.

The following week is Christmas she is going back home where we meet up, she tells me she has something important to tell me. When we meet up she basically dumps me telling me she is going to give it another shot with him. I play it cool but underneath I'm heartbroken.

I haven't contacted her since, but I miss her like crazy. I have been occupying myself with a few other dates, but I don't think I am ready to move on.

I really don't know what to do, I know he is not right for her but she is so madly in love with him she will do anything to make it work. I know she loves me too, but he basically gave her a choice and she chose him.

I don't know what to do, should I move on and forget about this whole incident? Or should I fight to get her back. I already feel like a sack of **** for everything that went down, but I can't help my feelings for her. Feelings I know she shares.

Im lost, please help.

Shes in an abusive relationship, and she won't leave him till shes ready to see it for what it is. If that ever happens.

You're better off not trying to get back with her, because the toxic relationship she is in could go on for years. You've already encouraged her to leave him, but she's not going to any time soon by the sounds of it.

If she decides to get in touch when hes done something else tell her to phone the gardai and report it, and to get in touch with womens aid.

I don't mean to sound crude, but having sex with her is not going to fix her situation. She is still in love with her abuser, and you are simply giving her what she's not getting from him.

You can't be happy with that arrangement, so my advice to you would be to make sure you don't wind up in the situation again. I know you have feelings for her, but where does it all end? It will be tough, but move on.

mathproblem

Wow what a mess. I don't think you can rescue her for starters OP, for sure she has got herself into a doozy of a situation but in the end of the day she has to choose to extricate herself from that. She doesn't seem to want to make that choice for one reason or another.

They say you should never be surprised when a relationship that began as an affair comes full cycle & ends with one side cheating. So then I don't know what way you would expect it to pan out after beginning with facebook spying, two year affairs & all sorts of other intrigues. It's never gonna be the healthiest of outcomes if you're honest with yourself OP.

I think you probably need to ask yourself a few hard questions OP, like why you are seeking out relationships in such a complicated manner. Instead of getting into a one on one relationship based on two people giving of each other to each other you have chosen one that involves all sorts of gossiping & judgement of another party, running around in secret, trying to 'save' her from her situation... and one in the end of the day where she is unwilling to actually commit to you in any way other than to lean on you emotionally & come round for sex. Do you not feel worthy of a healthy relationship or are you just hooked to the excitement & drama of it all. Maybe you are living out a rescue fantasy that places you as the hero.

I would also question very much the nature of this best friendship; friends are people that give positive contributions to each others lives. The most positive thing you & this guy could do is to remove yourselves from each others lives i feel.

judgefudge

You sound like a pretty decent guy (despite my first impression reading the title) but maybe misguided. I think you've probably tried your best at this point to rescue her but ultimately it's down to her to get out if that relationship.

Focus on yourself and find a girl that loves you. You deserve better than this.

LegacyUser

To be honest I find this whole thread self serving and hypocritical.

I can sum it up in one sentence "I've been having an affair with my best friend's girlfriend, and here are the reasons its ok".

It isn't ok. He's your best friend (although I would find this unimaginable). You and her have been sneaking around for TWO YEARS!!! If you love her, why didn't you just be a man about it and say it to your "best friend"? Admit what happend, and force some sort of definitive ending. Instead you were a sneak who jumped at the opportunity to take advantage of a clearly insecure and confused girl. I can just about understand (but not condone) why she did it, but why did you?

According to you he's gay, beats her up and god knows what else, if this is the case why doesn't she leave him? There can only be two logical reasons, she actually does love him, or she has some sort of mental issues. Either way jumping into the sack with her isn't going to solve them for her.

I think you need to stay well clear of both, ask yourself what sort of person are you, and try and move forward from this whole debacle.

I understand that its a tough situation for you, but it is one of your own making, and I just dont like the poor me attitude you seem to have about it, because it wont help you in the long run.

LegacyUser

judgefudge wrote: »

You sound like a pretty decent guy (despite my first impression reading the title) but maybe misguided. I think you've probably tried your best at this point to rescue her but ultimately it's down to her to get out if that relationship.

Focus on yourself and find a girl that loves you. You deserve better than this.

I couldn't agree more with the previous poster. OP this girl is a waste of space. I don't mean to offend you but you have wasted two years tiptoeing around to be with each other. That is not a relationship. Your massive error of judgement was getting involved with her in the first place.

Aside from the two years of no sex! her tracking him on her Blackberry to see what he is up to, then him hacking into her e-mail and fb accounts, that is just crazy behaviour. There is clearly no trust between the two of them and how you can even think you can trust her is hard to comprehend as she had a two year on off affair with you.

Face it Op, you are always going be her bit on the side, when he lets her down she'll probably come running back to you because you are mr reliable, listens to all her problems there to comfort her when she needs you but the very minute he clicks his fingers she'll run back to him and you are left to pick up the pieces again. I fail to see how she can ever ommit to being in a relationship with you if she can't even trust her own bf and then she has affairs behind his back.

Delete the fake FB account and block her e-mail address from all your social media/email accounts account or just delete them all and create new ones so she cannot contact you.
Cut off all contact and get her out of your life for good. He is not you best friend any longer and their relationship issues are for them to work out.

sorry op but but both of them are losers and welcome to each other. Stop wasting your time and energy and get on with your life.

LegacyUser

Hi All, thank you for your replies.

I think this is just what I needed some outsider perspective. She is in an abusive relationship and I see this, but for the life of me I don't see why she doesn't. I think he is a very manipulative person, for example our entire friendship he was always tying to make me feel bad about myself and it wasn't really till I broke away from him that I released that.

When I started giving her advice initially I was completely in his corner, but the way she described his manipulation reminded me of what it was like with me. Before anything ever happened between the two of us, I reconnected with an old friend and they two of us got very close, he made me realize that I was a good person and made me more confident in myself and this allowed me to regain a lot of the confidence I have before I started hanging out with my ex friend.

I realized now that he is a cynical person and he is never going to be happy, he is one of these people that feels the need to mock every person he encounters, behind their back of course. Everything is "gay" and if you don't think exactly like him you're "stupid". Anyone one that does share his exact same taste in music is wrong. He is never going to be happy and I feel like he is dragging her down with him.

Maybe I should distance myself from the whole situation, but it's hard for me. Myself and this girl built up a level of trust I have never had with anyone in my whole life. I know things about her she hasn't told anyone and she the same about me. It's hard to walk away from someone like that and ultimately I know when she does finally leave him she will be broken. I remember when they started going out, she was such a happy person, but now she is miserable all the time now and it's only getting worse. I also really fear his will get really violent with her. She had an operation before and she was back in the house and he was pissed and he punched her straight in the scar while it was healing. He doesn't care if he physically hurts her. When that happened I asked her to post about it here (on PI) to get some outside perspective, she didn't really communicate what he did in her post, but every rely was leave him, he is an abusive person.

She has this friend at work, and literally if she didn't push her into it should would have never left him at Christmas, but then he just has to be nice to her for a few dates and suddenly everything is forgiven. I hate him for what he is doing to her, he is taking someone so good and decent and destroying her. So you can see why I am not overly keen to just sit on the sideline, especially when I know what he is like. Her mother found out about everything and wanted her to leave him too. But he manipulates and unfortunately she is not strong enough to see it. He makes he believe everything is her fault. Everything. He blamed the 2 years of no sex on that fact that she was a little jealous of him going to strip clubs, he said he felt hurt by her and couldn't be with her sexually. Clearly he has a problem be it gay or erectile dysfunction, but he blames her for it and she believes it.

She made me promise her that I wouldn't tell him about the meet ups over Christmas. Even now he doesn't know what fully happened between the two of us, even though he has a good idea that he doesn't know everything.

@9879 I don't think that is fair at all, I wonder if you were in my situation how you would have done things differently. It's easy to say you wouldn't but you didn't spend 2 years having deep conversations with her. I begged her to break up with him 100's of times but she never did. Sometime I feel like I was just a way for her to get his attention. He is not a normal person, no matter how you skin it, like if my GF was sleeping with my BF for a 2 years, she would be out on her arse the next day, they stayed together for 4 months after he found out before she left and he begged her to come back. I know that sounds romantic, but I also know he doesn't love her. He is just conformable with her because she cleans his house and clothes. She is a mammy replacement for him nothing more. Maybe a beard too, who knows.

Look, I think I need closure on this whole thing. Would you guys recommend I write her an email or something? I just really feel like I need to get all this out of my system. Detoxify if you will.

username123

I honestly cant see any redeeming qualities for anyone in this sorry mess.

OP - you allowed a situation to develop where you built up a friendship that turned to a cheating relationship behind your best friends back.

She pursued her partners best friend and then continued to sneak around behind his back.

Your best friend is allegedly a drug using gay abusive who withholds sex from his girlfriend and yet begs her to stay.

I really dont understand why you would want to be involved with either of the above people or why either of them would want to be involved with you.

The whole thing is toxic. This girl has been getting her jollies off you at the expense of her partner plus turning her partners best friend against him. You are the bigger eejit for getting involved with any of it.

The lot of you deserve each other. Im not sure what advice you want, its quite obvious that none of the above is a normal situation and the only option is to break all contact with both of them.

P. Breathnach

Abi wrote: »

Shes in an abusive relationship, and she won't leave him till shes ready to see it for what it is. If that ever happens.

Excellent diagnosis.

...
She is still in love with her abuser...

That's the issue. She may think that she is in love with him, but it's not quite like that. The successful abuser exercises enormous power over his victim, and her thoughts are shaped by his will rather than by hers. It is as if he tells her that she loves him, and she believes him.

The victim of domestic abuse can have a very profound psychological problem, and helping her to recover is a huge challenge.

Abi

P. Breathnach wrote: »

Excellent diagnosis.

That's the issue. She may think that she is in love with him, but it's not quite like that. The successful abuser exercises enormous power over his victim, and her thoughts are shaped by his will rather than by hers. It is as if he tells her that she loves him, and she believes him.

The victim of domestic abuse can have a very profound psychological problem, and helping her to recover is a huge challenge.

Yeah I didn't fully explain that one, I did mean 'love' in a twisted way. You said it better

CaraMay

It's all twisted.

You are slagging off your 'friend' now do you will feel less guilty about shagging his live in girlfriend. She is so emotionally messed up that she won't leave her 'abuser' even though she is shagging his friend. It's all seriously twisted.

Taltos

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Taltos

Stavro Mueller

StillHaveFeelings wrote: »

Look, I think I need closure on this whole thing. Would you guys recommend I write her an email or something? I just really feel like I need to get all this out of my system. Detoxify if you will.

How about writing a letter, then burning it? That might work. The danger is that if you email her or whatever, it's just going to pull you back into this horrible complicated mess and set you back.

meoklmrk91

I know it's really hard at the moment because you really care for this person and you are worried that he will really hurt her but you cannot save people you can only save yourself. You are and have been for the last 2 years setting yourself up for failure. OP you sound like a decent guy, you like everyone else deserves to be in a loving, faithful relationship where you are not just the other guy.

You say that you have built up a level of trust with this woman that you have with no one else, and that is not to be diminished, but it is toxic because you set yourself up for failure since the moment it started because you went for someone who is and should have behaved like they are completely and utterly unavailable.

You say that your former friend is a bad guy, and he may well be, but I would be a bit suspicious of this woman, you have gotten nothing but one side of the story. I mean how do you really know that they haven't had sex in 2 years? I could be completely wrong but something about what she has told you seems somewhat off.

If I were you I would cut all contact woth both of them and try and get into the mindset that she is with him and that is it, off limits. Take some time to mend and try and move on. It could take a while but you will get there. I think that if you leave any channels of contact open then you are leaving yourself open to more hurt, what's to say when she is unhappy again she won't try and start things up with you again, and you risking getting pulled back into a very toxic cycle. You deserve better than to be someone's bit on the side.

Let me leave you with this, I have known many men and women who have been in abusive relationships, more often than not they NEVER leave, no matter what support is available, and when they do more often than not they go back. She had already done this despite people in her life, her mother, her co-worker and you begging and encouraging her to leave. This is a cycle, she will leave, he will ask her to come back and eventually she will. Some day she might see sense but it won't be you or anyone else that makes her and anyone who tries in the mean time is wasting their breath and their time. But it is a very real possibility that she may never leave him. Getting involved be in any relationship, in any capacity is a dangerous game, but this one sounds spectacularly toxic, and you have gotten tangled up in it, doing serious damage to yourself in the process. I think some counselling would do you no harm OP, I think you really need to look at how you ended up here. This might sound harsh but I think you need to try and put her wellbeing as far to the back of your mind as possible and start looking after your own, apparently you stopped doing this quite some time ago, good luck.

Abi

StillHaveFeelings wrote: »

It's hard to walk away from someone like that and ultimately I know when she does finally leave him she will be broken.

She is already broken. He has manipulated her and is dragging her along for the ride. You have to understand, that it took time for him to get her at this level of dependence. The punching didn't start off when they were dating originally, or she would have run a mile. It would have gone from a raised voice and bulling temper to expressing his anger with her physically.

Do you realise the kind of hold he has over her? She, somewhere inside her head now believes she cannot be without him. Do you understand how much he has twisted her, slammed her confidence, and dragged her through the mud?

I'll tell you this much. If it were me and she came knocking on my door with a punched up face I'd call the gardai myself. I'm just sorry that nobody did when it was me getting the face punched off me. Look, she wants to vent (with you), but she's not willing to get him in trouble for it. I recall not wanting to cause a fuss, and I hoped he'd change his ways. Its (excuse my language) fúcking laughable, in hindsight. My ex hates me down to my very core for 'leaving him', and keeps pointing at me. Wait for it; he claimed that my reason for leaving him was because I was a slut that just wanted to ride other men. Can you see how utterly twisted that is?! That is when I finally stopped letting him guilt-trip me into staying with him. I really left because of his abuse and violence, and I craved to find one man that could love me in a normal, natural way. Not the shít I endured for years.

I wouldn't normally go into so much detail about him and the hold over me he had, because quite frankly, it's shameful. I know I shouldn't feel ashamed, but you know, people that haven't experienced and abusive relationship think it is as cut and dry as 'just leave him. whats the problem here?'. If only that were the case I'd say I would have split up with my ex after a month or two. Not stuck with him for 12 years and wound up married to him. I regard myself as a VERY lucky woman to have gotten away from him, when so many don't.

It's humiliating when you have to go into work with your face loaded with make-up, with bruises still clearly showing, and if someone asks what happened - you know they don't believe you. I had a male colleague walk up to me and say "If I ever fúcking set eyes on that arsehole, lets see what a big man he is then". He walked away from me then and I never felt so small in my life. There was no room for explanation or comment, he knew I'd just cover up for him.

I remember when they started going out, she was such a happy person, but now she is miserable all the time now and it's only getting worse. I also really fear his will get really violent with her.

And I was a happy person too. This is the pattern physical abuse takes.

An old friend of mine is still married to her díckhead husband who has knocked her about for years. She's too afraid to leave, in her mid fifties.

Some get out, others don't. It takes an incredible amount of will-power. This is why I'm telling you OP, that it's pointless you sticking around, because shes not ready yet - if ever.

She had an operation before and she was back in the house and he was pissed and he punched her straight in the scar while it was healing.

If she comes to you again telling you this, please inform the gardai. Even if she denies all at the time, at least they'll have a report on file.

He blamed the 2 years of no sex on that fact that she was a little jealous of him going to strip clubs, he said he felt hurt by her and couldn't be with her sexually. Clearly he has a problem be it gay or erectile dysfunction, but he blames her for it and she believes it.

Projecting / blaming her again.

Guys like this are never at fault in their own minds.

He is not a normal person, no matter how you skin it, like if my GF was sleeping with my BF for a 2 years, she would be out on her arse the next day, they stayed together for 4 months after he found out before she left and he begged her to come back. I know that sounds romantic,

No it doesn't, it sounds like he felt like he was losing control of her, and bullies don't like that.

Look, I think I need closure on this whole thing. Would you guys recommend I write her an email or something? I just really feel like I need to get all this out of my system. Detoxify if you will.

If I haven't convinced you yet, then I don't know what will. You need to understand that she needs HELP first, and support. What complicated things was, that you began a relationship. This should never have happened until she was well clear of that arsehole.

Make sure nothing further happens between you, until she shows that she is committed to leaving him. You can only be there for her in the capacity of a friend, not a lover. You're simply a replacement for what she isn't getting off him at the moment, so you're cheating yourself out of happiness.

This is a very long road if you choose not to drop her OP, so long that she may not ever be yours.

Karen8

She was spying her boyfriend behind his back, she was pursuing kisses, and later sex with his best friend, she was sharing intimate details about her bf behind his back, and cheating for two years. She was using you whenever it suited her: for ego boost, for 'tracking' and geting info about her bf and many other reasons.
He might or might not be abusier (its one sided story and it doesnt really matter if we talk just about her), we can only guess, but from what you told us about her, she clearly manipulates you, i would say: RUN. And never look back.

StillHaveFeelings wrote: »

she was using google latitude to track him without his knowledge.
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One day we were out together and we were in my car, things were just nice between and she leaned in and kissed me. Initially I pulled away <...> The next weekend she called me on Friday and told me she needed a place to crash because they were in another massive fight. I told her she could stay in mine so I set up the spare room. We were in my room watching tv when she got into her PJ's. I cuddled into her and she kinda rubbed herself up against me <...>

I also knew that if he knew even half the things about her that do he would never talk to her again. Things apart from the affair.

Why these things are not important to you? Cheater, liar, manipulator... Why do you think she would never do the same to you?