Am I being silly in feeling annoyed that friend ditched me for a her new man.

shoes34

Hi,

A really close friend of mine recently started to date a new guy - she is a single mother but the father of her child takes very regularly and the new guy she is dating is a seperated father of 2. without going into her story she had a few issues with men and has said on a number of occassions that she is a ready for a relationship now.

So we had made plans a few weeks ago to go to a spa yesterday evening and have a treatrment and I said in a text on Tuesday we should do something after it go for a bite to eat or something. So we went off yesterday had a lovely treatment and she did the driving, when we were leaving she just headed for home, now I should probably have said something but I didn't as I wanted to see what she would do or say and then she said that Tom told her to come down when she was finished at the spa and she said she might be tired but he said to call down anyway so she was calling down to him.

Was a little annoyed as I do an awful lot for her, help her out with anything she needs done, she can ring me with any problems she has and she does and I felt to be ditched for a guy wasn't right. I would never do that to a friend.

I am thinking of just saying to her to make sure she doesn't ditch her friends for a guy as she will ended up losing her friends, or should i say nothing at all. Am I over reacting ? I know new relationships are all fun and you want to see them all the time but this was a plan we had made a few weeks ago.

thanks,

MissFlitworth

I am thinking of just saying to her to make sure she doesn't ditch her friends for a guy as she will ended up losing her friends

Unless she's done more than not go for the second half of plans you made one time (and it sounds like the going out for a bite to eat plan was something you suggested much more recently than the rest of the plans) then think you're jumping the gun a bit. It's a bit of a sucky way to carry on but I'd not start threatening her with losing her friends yet unless it was something she kept doing, especially if it's a very new relationship

shoes34

MissFlitworth wrote: »

Unless she's done more than not go for the second half of plans you made one time (and it sounds like the going out for a bite to eat plan was something you suggested much more recently than the rest of the plans) then think you're jumping the gun a bit. It's a bit of a sucky way to carry on but I'd not start threatening her with losing her friends yet unless it was something she kept doing, especially if it's a very new relationship

Usually when we make arrangment to do something we would always go for something to eat or a walk after it so even though it was suggested on Tuesday and to which she said definately I'd be on for that it was something that would have been unusual for us to do.

Oh I won't threaten not to be her friend.

ElleEm

To be honest, I do think it's a bit petty to get annoyed.
It was a once off, when she started driving towards home, you should have asked were you not going to get something to eat.
Plans change, maybe she felt that she had spent the morning with you, that she would then spend the afternoon with her guy.
I think it is always important to give a bit of an allowance to a friend who has a new boyfriend. She is obviously happy, and you said yourself that she has had issues with men in the past, so you should be happy for her too.
It doesn't sound like this is reoccuring, but if it becomes that way you should say it. You need to be more assertive and take responsibility for things as they are happening- it's no good getting annoyed AFTER something that you could have addressed at the time.

SunnyDub1

I think you are slightly over reacting. It was a once off and she went to the spa with you, it's not like she canceled all plans. The plan to go for food could have slipped her mind.

say nothing for the moment, but if you feel that it becomes a regular occurrence then say something.

Malari

I think it's an overreaction as she didn't exactly cancel plans with you, she spent time with you then went to meet her new man, instead of going ahead with the loose arrangement you normally have. You don't mention that she even responded to your text with a firm "yes"?

I think you have to accept that she is going to be spending time with her new man and some of that is inevitably going to eat into your time together. As long as she doesn't keep cancelling pre-organised plans with you then I don't see an issue. If she had made a new female friend and was going to visit her instead after your spa date would you feel as put out?

shoes34

Thanks for the replies - mods if its ok can you close the thread now. Thanks again.:)