Tight boyfriend

Enough!

My partner lives in my home, pays me 500euro A MONTH to cover his rent, bills, food, drink, heat, water..... Need I go on! I've had enough! Oh by the way he's not a kid... He's 53!!
Any other women or men out there who can admit they are in the same boat as me I'd love to hear from them.

illicit007

Enough! wrote: »

My partner lives in my home, pays me 500euro to cover his rent, bills, food, drink, heat, water..... Need I go on! I've had enough! Oh by the way he's not a kid... He's 53!!
Any other women or men out there who can admit they are in the same boat as me I'd love to hear from them.

What does it say about me that I don't get what the problem is. I guess 500 sounds low if you're living in Dublin or the city. Depending on rent and how much he eats etc. im a man btw and i rely on no one. Im just thinking back to the days when i flat shared, we paid shared rent and power etc, but seperate food. Things like rent you can split evenly. Other stuff shoiulkd be split as they come up. Simples.

Challo

Have you spoken to him about it? I think that's probably the first step.

Enough!

I am living in dublin, in a 2bed apartment that I'm paying the mortgage on and he moved in. If we were renting it the cost for it would be 1200 a month. So the only "simples" seems to be that I'm being taken advantage of!

Chucky the tree

Enough! wrote: »

I am living in dublin, in a 2bed apartment that I'm paying the mortgage on and he moved in. If we were renting it the cost for it would be 1200 a month. So the only "simples" seems to be that I'm being taken advantage of!

So why are you letting him do this?

Stavro Mueller

I've only got what you've posted so far to go on but I'm kinda puzzled. The way you're phrasing it, you'd think he moved into your apartment without your permission and is now sponging off you. Have you tried having a conversation about this? Obviously details are scarce here but it sounds kinda passive aggressive .

Enough!

Anytime I bring it up he just shouts and roars, I got a big EBS bill this week and asked could he give me extra... More shouting! He's just back from a week in the sun with his golf buddies he hasn't unpacked and Im very close to telling him not to bother.

ABajaninCork

He needs to go.

Chucky the tree

Enough! wrote: »

Anytime I bring it up he just shouts and roars, I got a big EBS bill this week and asked could he give me extra... More shouting! He's just back from a week in the sun with his golf buddies he hasn't unpacked and Im very close to telling him not to bother.

Then do.

P. Breathnach

Take that extra step: tell him that it is convenient that his bags are packed because he is leaving. [You know that's what you want to do - even your choice of username says it; you are here for some affirmation.]

Boombastic

Enough! wrote: »

I am living in dublin, in a 2bed apartment that I'm paying the mortgage on and he moved in. If we were renting it the cost for it would be 1200 a month. So the only "simples" seems to be that I'm being taken advantage of!

But you're not renting it. Is the mortgage lower? This should be taken in to consideration when calculating his amount.

This should have really been decided on before he moved in, what was decided on? To split bills or a flat €5000/month?

The answers to the above will decide if you're been taken advantage of. If you both decided on €500 before he moved in, well then..

mathproblem

Enough! wrote: »

I am living in dublin, in a 2bed apartment that I'm paying the mortgage on and he moved in. If we were renting it the cost for it would be 1200 a month. So the only "simples" seems to be that I'm being taken advantage of!

he's payin half your mortgage so, it's money down the drain for him, money in the bank for you. If you want him to pay more you'd have to talk to him about it, you can't expect him to be psychic. It depends what he's earning too if he's not making much then he's giving his all, if he's raking it in then he's being a bit shabby alright. What else does he bring to the arrangement, does he fix things up in your apartment, do the decorating etc.. provide a car that you make use of, drive you around, do your shopping..?

at the end of the day you're in a deal with him, if you're not happy you'll have to renegotiate it or be prepared for him to leave. What if he did have to leave would you be forced to move a stranger in to cover the mortgage?... that could be even worse.

mathproblem

Enough! wrote: »

Anytime I bring it up he just shouts and roars, I got a big EBS bill this week and asked could he give me extra... More shouting! He's just back from a week in the sun with his golf buddies he hasn't unpacked and Im very close to telling him not to bother.

okay i didn't see this.. disregard most of my post above..lol

tell him to sling his hook!!

LegacyUser

From what you said I though he was a young guy but he is 53.

If he can afford to go abroad on golfing trips he can pay more towards the bills.
You would be better off getting another person in - you could charge them more than €500 a month rent and get a proper share of the bills from them also.
Also some times some people just rent a room from a Sunday to Friday which may suit you.

I would tell him that you want him to move out as you cannot afford to carry a free loader.
€500 a month would hardly cover the rent of a bedsit in Dublin and that is before you pay any bills.

kiffer

How did you settle on the 500 number in the first place?
Half of the bills and an anount towards the mortgage is the way I think... no more than half.
It doesn't matter what rents are in Dublin what matters is what you are paying.

It doesn't matter though because the bigger problem is the shouting and roaring about helping with an reasonable request (help with a larger than normal bill).
Honestly think you need to get a third party to listen to what you are both saying on the off chance your both talking cross purposes...
You could be intending to say "this bill is unusually high, I need a bit of a dig out with it this month" and he could be hearing "you cheap bastard, swanning off with the lads and not paying your way here" when your actual words are closer to "this bill is a bit high I need you to pay more noney" ... the point is there's a communication break down and also him reacting badly.

fog arty

I think you know what you have to do. This man is onto a good thing here and bullys you when you bring up this subject, it is time for him to go.

ifElseThen

Firstly, work out how much exactly he should be paying you in relation to all joint bills and shopping
Then maybe he should be paying around 30-40% of your mortgage in rent.
If the property is in your name he shouldn't be paying half but then he needs to know that he wouldn't get anywhere else for the amount of rent he's currently paying.

Shopping: 250
Utilities Bills: 75
Broadband & TV: 40
30-40% Mortgage: 400

That would take him to around the 750 mark a month depending on your bills.

Then tell him to pay up or GTFO of your house and your life.

Boombastic

Depending on how long are ye living together OP, He may have a claim on your property

AnonoBoy

Why would you stay with someone who shouts at you when you ask him to pay his way?

Tell him to get out of your home and not come back until he's ready to pay his way.

smash

Enough! wrote: »

If we were renting it the cost for it would be 1200 a month.

But how much is your mortgage? He should be paying half of it plus splitting the bills.

ShaShaBear

smash wrote: »

But how much is your mortgage? He should be paying half of it plus splitting the bills.

If its her mortgage, he shouldn't really need to pay half of it at all. At the end of it all, it's her that will own it, not him. Dead money as far as he's concerned and the fact that he's paying at all is more than can be said for some blokes. He didn't just move in and insist on this figure, obviously OP suggested it or agreed to it. If that's the case then it's up to her to renegotiate or boot him, but really if she cant afford to manage whats left to pay after his €500 then it's her problem, unless his name is on the mortgage too.

username123

ShaShaBear wrote: »

If its her mortgage, he shouldn't really need to pay half of it at all. At the end of it all, it's her that will own it, not him. Dead money as far as he's concerned and the fact that he's paying at all is more than can be said for some blokes.

This is totally incorrect.

As they are a cohabiting couple he has legal rights under the recent Civil Partnership and Certain Rights and Obligations of Cohabitants Act 2010

In short, depending on how long you have been together and what contributions he is making to the mortgage, he may well have a claim on the property - no matter that the OP put down an initial deposit and paid the mortgage alone til he moved in.

People need to be careful when cohabiting when one of them owns the property - the most sensible option would be to consult a solicitor prior to moving in.

However, now that he is in, I think you should get him out. He is free loading off you. 500 per month to include half a mortgage, bills, utilities, food etc is a joke. This all should have been sorted before he moved in, get him out quick before he cleans you out completely.

Neyite

ShaShaBear wrote: »

If its her mortgage, he shouldn't really need to pay half of it at all. At the end of it all, it's her that will own it, not him. Dead money as far as he's concerned and the fact that he's paying at all is more than can be said for some blokes. He didn't just move in and insist on this figure, obviously OP suggested it or agreed to it. If that's the case then it's up to her to renegotiate or boot him, but really if she cant afford to manage whats left to pay after his €500 then it's her problem, unless his name is on the mortgage too.

But thats the thing. Co-habitants have a claim on their partners assets after a certain length of time living together, so if they did stay together for a few years, then he could claim a portion of her property.

He sounds like a bit of a waster on the surface, but his outburst suggests to me that he is a lot smarter than he seems. He has very low living costs in this arrangement, and when the OP finds it a struggle, he intimidates her by shouting? Thats a bully who knows FULL WELL what he is at. And he will only get worse as time goes on.

Handy that he has his bags packed. I'd recommend packing the rest of his stuff up too. I'm sure one of his many golf buddies will have a spare room for him to use.

Paddy Cow

ShaShaBear wrote: »

If its her mortgage, he shouldn't really need to pay half of it at all. At the end of it all, it's her that will own it, not him. Dead money as far as he's concerned and the fact that he's paying at all is more than can be said for some blokes. He didn't just move in and insist on this figure, obviously OP suggested it or agreed to it. If that's the case then it's up to her to renegotiate or boot him, but really if she cant afford to manage whats left to pay after his €500 then it's her problem, unless his name is on the mortgage too.

It doesn't matter. If he was renting he would be paying more than €500 for rent/bills/food etc.

P. Breathnach

He's a lodger. He is not contributing generally towards the costs of maintaining the home. He is paying a fixed amount for his bed and board. The fact that he is unwilling to deviate from that arrangement confirms his status.

username123

P. Breathnach wrote: »

He's a lodger. He is not contributing generally towards the costs of maintaining the home. He is paying a fixed amount for his bed and board. The fact that he is unwilling to deviate from that arrangement confirms his status.

By definition of the law he is a co-habitant. They share a bed, a home, utilities and bills. He contributes to the mortgage. A lodger would not be defined as someone who shares your bed.

P. Breathnach

username123 wrote: »

By definition of the law he is a co-habitant. They share a bed, a home, utilities and bills. He contributes to the mortgage. A lodger would not be defined as someone who shares your bed.

They don't share the utilities and bills; he pays a fixed monthly amount for his board and lodging, and the mount does not vary to take account of the household costs being higher or lower at certain times. It's a rent he pays, not a contribution.

username123

P. Breathnach wrote: »

They don't share the utilities and bills; he pays a fixed monthly amount for his board and lodging, and the mount does not vary to take account of the household costs being higher or lower at certain times. It's a rent he pays, not a contribution.

I think you will find the law will disagree with you on this point. You are of course entitled to any idea or notion you wish to hold yourself, but in court, the judge will see this as a cohabiting couple sharing utilities, food, bills, and mortgage repayments. What you are suggesting a downplay of legal terms, quite simply, it wont wash in front of a judge. They sleep together - he is not paying for board and lodging, he is her partner, he is contributing to the household.

John Mason

Oh i am pretty sure a court will not see it that way at all. He is a lodger paying a fix amount.

i have been in with a solicitor about this when the civil partnership bill was first introduced.

he is not paying towards the maintenance or upkeep of the property, neither is he paying untilities, or half the mortgage.

a girl needs to know how protect herself and property in this day and age:cool:

OP, i dont know why you are playing the victim card here, you allowed him to move into your house, and agreed that he pay you 500e.

you have now decided this agreement has does not suit you, so you need to tell him you are over him and he needs to find somewhere else to live

Boombastic

John Mason wrote: »

Oh i am pretty sure a court will not see it that way at all. He is a lodger paying a fix amount.

i have been in with a solicitor about this when the civil partnership bill was first introduced.

he is not paying towards the maintenance or upkeep of the property, neither is he paying untilities, or half the mortgage.

a girl needs to know how protect herself and property in this day and age:cool:

You don't know how much the mortgage is, so how can you be certain what he is paying for or not? Also if he is doing DIY jobs around the house etc, this is also taken in to consideration and if they were working towards/reasonable expectations of making this a family home.

username123

John Mason wrote: »

Oh i am pretty sure a court will not see it that way at all. He is a lodger paying a fix amount.

i have been in with a solicitor about this when the civil partnership bill was first introduced.

You should use a different solicitor, they share a bed and a household, he is not a lodger under the definition of the law.

The OP entitled the thread "tight boyfriend" and refers to him as her "partner" in the opening post. At no point does she see him as a lodger. If people think she could "get away with" saying he was, then they are suggesting lying in court - which carries its own penalties under our justice system.

Emme

Boombastic wrote: »

Depending on how long are ye living together OP, He may have a claim on your property

OP, how long is he in your apartment? If he's there less than 6 months I'd tell him to take a hike. If he's staying longer I'd get professional legal advice. Like another poster here I reckon this guy knows exactly what he's at, you'd want to be very careful.

Has he any property of his own? If so is it rented out and what sort of an income is he getting from it?

If he's back from a golfing trip with his buddies you don't know what he's been at. A married friend went on one with some of his married golf buddies and he was shocked at the carry on. It was the first and last holiday he took without his wife.

Stavro Mueller

This is assuming the OP actually wants to kick her partner out....

username123

Emme wrote: »

Like another poster here I reckon this guy knows exactly what he's at, you'd want to be very careful.

+1

He is playing the long game. Theres two outcomes, either he gets kicked out before he has a legal claim on the property - in which case he has lived cheap for up to 5 years (or 2 if they have kids) OR he gets a claim on the property for very little financial input.

Either way, its a win-win for him.

kiffer

Emme wrote: »

If he's back from a golfing trip with his buddies you don't know what he's been at. A married friend went on one with some of his married golf buddies and he was shocked at the carry on. It was the first and last holiday he took without his wife.

Um where did that come from? That's a nice bit of scaremongering you've got there...

AnonoBoy

Emme wrote: »

If he's back from a golfing trip with his buddies you don't know what he's been at.

Nobody knows what anyone is at when they're away from them. Her partner doesn't know what she's at while he's gone. Silly to paint all men with the same brush just because some friends that you know hangs around with cheating scumbags.

Totally off topic anyway.

Neyite

Lets just work on the information given by the OP and leave out off-topic speculation please.

daisybelle2008

Enough! wrote: »

Anytime I bring it up he just shouts and roars, I got a big EBS bill this week and asked could he give me extra... More shouting!.

Whether he is tight or a generous millionaire, why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with someone who communicates by shouting and roaring at you. That's your dealbreaker right there his spendthrift ways are the least of your problems.

Paddy Cow

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

Whether he is tight or a generous millionaire, why on earth would you want to be in a relationship with someone who communicates by shouting and roaring at you. That's your dealbreaker right there his spendthrift ways are the least of your problems.

I completely agree with you. When the ESB bill comes in it should be split two ways if two people are living there. That the op has to tip toe around her partner who then throws a tantrum is shocking. Even more shocking that he is in his fifties and shouldn't even have to be asked to go halves on bills.

If he reacts that aggressively to something that the rest of us would expect to pay, what is he like in more stressful situations?