Constructive criticism, a year too late. Advice.

April O Neill

Hi all.

I have been my current job a year now. I am a research technician in a lab. I have another year left in my contract but definitely don't want to be here another year, as it has been the most demoralising time of my life so far.

I'm looking for advice in both a general sense and then for more detailed stuff from people also in a molecular biology and/or microbiology field.

I started out doing a certain technique that is basic in the microbiology field. Viable counts. I could not get them right. It didn't help that for about two weeks, I worked 60+ hours a week on these, including some 14 hour day. During this time, I really worked my arse off. It kinda came to a head when I left the lab at ten to eleven one night near the end of the two weeks, and was expected in to a meeting at 9am the next morning, which I completely slept out due to exhaustion. I talked to my bosses about it the next, making what turned out to be the catastrophic mistake of complaining about the hours I was working. I was given no feedback about where I was going wrong, just that what I did wasn't right.

After this, responsibilities were taken away from me. I was left with lab housekeeping, which isn't a problem as it's part of my job, but doesn't even remotely fill my day. I offer assistance to my fellow lab people, sometimes they take me up on the offer but often seem reluctant, maybe because they like to have control of their research, I don't know. I don't have that a relationship with a lot of them, TBH.

So, I did get a shot at doing other tasks occasionally. I prepared plasmids, this worked fine.

I purified proteins. The proteins purified. The problem here was that I hadn't had to make the gels for SDS-PAGE analysis before, we had always used pre-made ones. In my current lab, they make the gels themselves. I didn't do this right, but only attempted three time. As anyone who has made them knows, you have to work quickly once the ingredients are added to get the liquid in the mold before it sets. I didn't get this right, though I thought I did the last time as I ran the gels and they seems to run fine. (This was how I clarified that my purification had worked). I wasn't told then that my gels weren't up to scratch or that I wouldn't be asked to do them again. I only realised when I noticed my boss doing purifications whilst mad busy. I didn't know why I hadn't been asked.

Since then (last summer) I have been doing lab housekeeping, with the odd thing for other researchers in the lab. (I prep media for them, pour plates etc. etc.)

The problem is, the busier I am, the better I am. If I have very little to do, I get demotivated. I really, really enjoyed doing the protein purifications last summer. I still remember how excited I was when I realised they had worked.

I have slowly been falling into depression in this job, and becoming lazy and unmotivated. I've missed lots of days. It all came to a head this week when I and another worked clashed. I know I haven't been pulling my weight the last while, but I have been battling despondency which isn't an excuse but might help explain. One of my bosses told me the expectations of me when I started hadn't been met, and advised me to get feedback from my most immediate boss, which I did. This was how I found out about various things not being up the scratch. (The viable counts, the gels) She basically said getting me to do these things for her wasn't turning out to be time-saving for her. I understand this, but it is also a bit devastating. My most superior boss seems a bit sick of me at this stage too, due to missing days (lack of sleep, anxiety and depression being the main causes of this)

So now, I don't know what to do. I am living in a different city to my boyfriend and am looking to move close to him. I have an interview for a research assistant role in Dublin (where he is) next week but I have no confidence in myself to do the job even if I did get offered it. I don't have any qualifications outside of science so I am thinking of retraining, but in what I don't know, and my confidence has been so severely knocked by this job that I can't envisage what I'd even be good at. This is an low-paying role (< 20k per annum) and I don't need loads of money but would eventually like to earn more than this. I'm 29 in a few weeks (I had a seriously illness for part of my 20s that delayed my graduation from college), so just feel I'm stagnating and that time is running out.

FWIW, I have learned a hell of a lot in this role in the past year too. I just don't know if I have any real talent for it.

So sorry for the long post.

Help. Any advice welcomed.

EDIT: Mods, I've just realised this should be in the work problems subforum. Sorry!

Atomic Pineapple

I don't know anything about your field I'm afraid but is it possible for you to take on personal projects in your own time? Some sort of research or field work that maybe requires affordable equipment that would allow you to do something that will interest you and focus your efforts and ideas outside of work?

This will help motivate you, give you confidence, take your mind off work and help you rekindle your interest in your area of work.

You can then also show off this work to potential employers, it will show initiative and a passion for your work and a confidence in your own ability.

April O Neill

draffodx wrote: »

I don't know anything about your field I'm afraid but is it possible for you to take on personal projects in your own time? Some sort of research or field work that maybe requires affordable equipment that would allow you to do something that will interest you and focus your efforts and ideas outside of work?

This will help motivate you, give you confidence, take your mind off work and help you rekindle your interest in your area of work.

You can then also show off this work to potential employers, it will show initiative and a passion for your work and a confidence in your own ability.

Yes, there are definitely things I am interested in. One plus of the job is amassing money that will give me more options. Was unemployed for a while and that was a huge problem back then, lots of things need a bit of money. Retraining is probably the way to go, but I'd likely go the part-time route and would love some part-time work to keep me going. One place I'm interesting in volunteering at is crying out for daytime staff, they are oversubscribed for people coming in on the evenings and weekends, understandably. And it's in Dublin. (I'm in Cork)

I suppose just because I have a primary degree in one area, doesn't mean I've to stay in it. Maybe it's not my field!

finisklin

Hi April,

get a grip....and I mean that in a positive and constructive way. You have put a lot of time and effort into qualifying in your area and you have secured employment as well. Starting out in a new company and work environment is extremely hard and sometimes difficult to find your feet. You have had a number of hiccups and made some mistakes, who hasn't?

I think you are beating yourself up unnecessarily over this and putting yourself under pressure about your ability to do the job and your relationship with your colleagues. You have learned a lesson here that you need to take on board with you for the rest of your career. Always be professional and there is a time and place to discuss your role and commitment to it, including working hours. Late hours are necessary in many jobs now and a prerequisite!

Build your personal resilience - note the areas that you are strong at. You are obviously committed, working late and take your responsibilities seriously. You also have a definite interest in this area as you have qualified in it and worked for another company. Write down any other areas that you are good at and the successes/achievements that you have. Don't be afraid to big these up with your bosses.

These links on building personal resilience may be useful.
http://www.pickthebrain.com/blog/become-unbreakable-10-tips-to-create-more-personal-resilience/

http://www.mas.org.uk/publications/personal-resilience/personal-resilience-videos.html

It is going to be difficult to rebuild a strong footing in your current role. However it is a job and provides experience. This will help you in your career if you can stick it out. IMHO, it is likely they may not renew your contract at the end of the 2 years. If you are very unhappy there have a chat with your boss and/or HR and explore the options.

Until some light in the tunnel appears, stay focused and motivated as throwing in the towel and thinking too much about it will grind you down and affect you personally and professionally. It's a no no to miss days, come in late or leave early as it reflects poorly on you and your career. Don't forget that you may need this employer for a reference and some companies ask about sick days etc!

In summary, you have invested to much time and effort in qualifying in this area and getting a job. Don't give up on this area because of this experience - learn, be professional always and move on. Talent has to be developed and nurtured. Your challenge is getting used to work environment and dealing with and interacting with colleagues.

Head up, stay positive and don't give up. Best of luck.

finisklin

One other thing - stay fit outside of work. Run, go to the gym, walk what ever. It is good to have an outlet that takes your mind off work other than the BF.;)

April O Neill

Well, there's other stuff going on (depression, anxiety) so it's a bit harder than normal to get a grip!

When I was talking to my boss (she was the one I asked for feedback from) about how I was unsure about going into a similar role for my next, she was nodding... that's demoralising.

And the one co-worker I feel I can confide in, to make me feel better, said "Sure a trained monkey can work in a lab". All I could think was "Wow, I have even less talent than a trained monkey".