Her Sudden Lack of Sex Drive

LegacyUser

Folks,

I'm looking for some advice on a recent problem with my girlfriend of 6 months.

I don't want this to be too long a post, but safe to say, it has been the most amazing 6 months for both of us, with the sex being incredible. One of the many things I have loved is how sexually compatible we are/ have been.

Our one difficulty in the relationship at present is that we are doing the Long Distance thing for the moment. We met up at the weekend, in a neutral city i.e. hotel room, no worries about families being in the house etc. But, her sex drive was completely diminished. I understood the first couple of times when she didn't encourage my advances, she was tired, not in the mood or whatever. But we just didn't hit it off sexually at all. When we did do it, it felt like she was just doing it to keep me happy, we didn't enjoy it, I came too quickly (this happens sometimes when we haven't seen each/had sex in a while).

I tried to talk to her about it and she said she felt like I was putting her under pressure. But I don't feel like I was doing anything different to what I would normally do. It just felt like there was a different girl in the bed beside me.

Am I being unreasonable/over reacting? Any advice would be appreciated, thanks

Merkin

Hmm, that is really odd OP. Has she changed Pill or anything recently? Or does she suffer from depression? How was she outside of the bedroom? Was she withdrawn or appearing to be not herself?

Cupcake_Crisis

Perhaps since it was the first time you'd seen each other in a while she just wanted to spend time with you without jumping in to bed?

im confused again

I think you are over reacting. You say that everything has been great over the last six months so I don't think there is any need to worry about one quiet weekend. Everybodys mood changes and perhaps she just didn't feel like a sexually intense weekend. Maybe she was tired, maybe she really only felt like some romance, perhaps there is something on her mind that's worrying her, perhaps your relationship has been highly sexual and she wanted to see how much deeper it was in other ways. There are so many reasons why she might have felt like this, all you can do is offer her support, talk to her, and perhaps step back a little in your sexual expectations.

Overheal

Rewind. You're doing LTR. What are the circumstances? Stress counts for a lot; when you and your OH are both pulling 40-60 hours work weeks for instance, that alone is enough to kill 2 people's sex drive, let alone one. If she's been overworked lately maybe all she wants is to just STOP for a night.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies.

She had been ill just before we met, but seemed to have recovered. Although she wasn't well again by the time we were leaving...this may have something to do with it.

Generally, outside the bedroom, she was letting things like the weather etc. get her down, but that is nothing remarkably new.

Overheal, I don't think that stress, as you put it has anything to do with it.

im confused again - you are probably closest to being right. I think the pressure and build up to these weekends means that if things don't go perfect, they seem a lot worse than they are.

I was just looking to see if anyone had been in the same boat and came out the other side. I was a little worried that we had reached a point where the amazing sex had come to an end. It's not a great feeling when your girlfriend, all of a sudden, has little interest in you sexually and I was worried that it was a sign of something deeper.

dannyc31

OP you've got to stop thinking about this from your point of view there is a couple fo things here. firstly the things that get her down could be reaching a tipping point or have past that tipping point and she is experiencing mild depression. maybe not too serious yet but the early signs of mild depression would be to lose interest in things such as sex.

the worst thing you can do is focus on the sex when talking to her as this will make her even more anxious about everything. i think thats one main difference between men and women, where-as men will focus on "the problem" in this case the sex, women will focus on the bigger picture. so by you bringing up the sex not being as good as it was, in her head that could translate to "does he actually care about me other than the sex?" or "is this going anywhere since we only see each other at the weekends?"

basically what i'm saying is be understand and try find out if there is something bothering her, do not mention the sex as the issue because in fact its just the sympton to something else.

lastly on the negative side of things her feelings for you may be wanning and she may feel sad that this has happened and is not sure how to deal with it or talk to you about it. its most likely one or the other so you have a bit of talking to your girfriend to do. you could possibly hold off for a while, maybe whatever it is that is bothering her might pass but i wouldnt leave it too long if this cycle continues.