Kicked Out Of Home

rob9872

Hi, I'm a new member I'm 19 this will be my first post.:D
Saturday morning my mother searched my room and found a tiny bit of weed, I used to smoke it when I was around 16 but stopped months before I got my licence, Any she found it in a box under my bed. She brought me up on it and kicked me out for good, I know I'm not the best son in the world and have done things in the past but she told me that was the last straw, I am currently going to college and living with my girlfriend, my parents paid my fees and I was told that they wont pay next year which I understand. My parents and my girlfriends parents were splitting the rent 50/50 but there's five months left on the lease and my parents told me that I'm on my own with money the rent is due on the 6th .I now have no money as any money I had saved I have spent .
I just wanted to see what peoples opinions are on my situation and I would appreciate any advice.
( sorry for the wall of text )

Stheno

Can you either:

1. Get a job to cover your bills

or
2. Talk to your parents to see if there are any circumstances they will continue to support you in?

rob9872

Sorry didn't realise there was a forum for it, I hope this gets moved soon.

token101

So to teach you a lesson about responsibility and how to live a better life, they are going to withdraw and support from you and make it impossible for you to better yourself?

Some good logic there. Personally, and this isn't really advice but you're looking for an opinion, I don't think I'd be bothered with people who are that vindictive. I'd cut all ties.

SRFC

Guilt will kick in and she will crack dont go crawling back in desperation let them come to you.

MadsL

I'm sorry, I thought you said you were 19? You expect your parents to support you now that you are an adult? As you said they have made their expectations pretty clear - you obviously haven't followed any agreements you made with them - these are the consequences.


I guess you get to grow up faster than others, but your parents owe you nothing now you are an adult.

Hang on a fuppin' second man, did I get this right? You're 19, and your parents and your bird's parents are shelling out the rent money to keep you two shacked up together. Is this correct? (*ahem*) "How very modern!"

You know what being 19 means these days, right? You can leave school, vote, join the army, drive a car, get married, drink, smoke, gamble, get a tattoo, get a mortgage, own a gun, get your own passport without your parent's permission, and a ton of other stuff (ie be accountable and responsible for your own actions and your own life).

It also means you can grow a pair of balls and start acting like a man. Your ma comes in to sniff around under your mattress, ok, I thought that was weird, but you're not actually in the same house as her? I suspect some very long apron strings there my friend, so time to man up and get the scissors!

tdv123

Are you on social welfare?

mikemac1

You are 19, welcome to the big bad world.

No mention of a job in your post OP, most students have to work

joe stodge

rob9872 wrote: »

Hi, I'm a new member I'm 19 this will be my first post.:D
Saturday morning my mother searched my room and found a tiny bit of weed, I used to smoke it when I was around 16 but stopped months before I got my licence, Any she found it in a box under my bed. She brought me up on it and kicked me out for good, I know I'm not the best son in the world and have done things in the past but she told me that was the last straw, I am currently going to college and living with my girlfriend, my parents paid my fees and I was told that they wont pay next year which I understand. My parents and my girlfriends parents were splitting the rent 50/50 but there's five months left on the lease and my parents told me that I'm on my own with money the rent is due on the 6th .I now have no money as any money I had saved I have spent .
I just wanted to see what peoples opinions are on my situation and I would appreciate any advice.
( sorry for the wall of text )

You're 19 why is your mother searching your room?

Vicar in a tutu

Get a job and never rely on them again.

Grayson

Deleted User wrote: »

Hang on a fuppin' second man, did I get this right? You're 19, and your parents and you're bird's parents are shelling out the rent money to keep you two shacked up together. Is this correct? (*ahem*) "How very modern!"

You know what being 19 means these days, right? You can leave school, vote, join the army, drive a car, get married, drink, smoke, gamble, get a tattoo, get a mortgage, own a gun, get your own passport without your parent's permission, and a ton of other stuff (ie be accountable and responsible for your own actions and your own life).

It also means you can grow a pair of balls and start acting like a man. Your ma comes in to sniff around under your mattress, ok, I thought that was weird, but you're not actually in the same house as her? I suspect some very long apron strings there my friend, so time to man up and get the scissors!

Yep. He has two options.

1) get a job and an overdraft to cover the next rent cheque.

2) go crying and whimpering back to Mammy.

And he's in college and has weed but it's from some he bought years ago? Pull the other one.

smash

Your mother searched your room... But you don't live with your mother... So I assume she searched your old room in her house?

Either way, get a job or tell her to cop the f*ck on, it's a bit of old weed ffs.

the keen edge

This is yet another crisis where contemporary dance can help.

Try to convert those feelings of sorrow and yearning for forgiveness in to a concise series of dance moves.
Practice the moves repeatedly and then perform the dance for your mum and auld fella.

Before you know it you'll be back in the gaff having breakfast in bed and getting your dirty jocks washed for free.

Annasopra

Go to your student union welfare officer and ask for advice; ask about applying for the student assistance fund, ask if they have any other advice.

osarusan

Even though you don't smoke anymore, when you moved into a new place, you brought a bit of weed you had when you were 16 and still smoked? Riiiiiiiight.

humanji

rob9872, I've moved this to the personal issues forum, so you won't have to deal with any more sarcastic responses.

Everyone else, please note that there is a different forum charter in operation now.

HondaSami

rob9872 wrote: »

Hi, I'm a new member I'm 19 this will be my first post.:D
Saturday morning my mother searched my room and found a tiny bit of weed, I used to smoke it when I was around 16 but stopped months before I got my licence, Any she found it in a box under my bed. She brought me up on it and kicked me out for good, I know I'm not the best son in the world and have done things in the past but she told me that was the last straw, I am currently going to college and living with my girlfriend, my parents paid my fees and I was told that they wont pay next year which I understand. My parents and my girlfriends parents were splitting the rent 50/50 but there's five months left on the lease and my parents told me that I'm on my own with money the rent is due on the 6th .I now have no money as any money I had saved I have spent .
I just wanted to see what peoples opinions are on my situation and I would appreciate any advice.
( sorry for the wall of text )

Why did she search your room, was she looking for something in particular?
I have a feeling your parents have being more than patient with you, time to stand on your own two feet.
Look for a job to support yourself while in college and if your parents see you are at least trying im sure they will help you out again.

Start looking for work ASAP.
Take a year out from college and if you can't find work get some welfare.
If you can't afford the rent long term, move somewhere cheaper.
If you can't find rent money for the short term, talk to welfare in college, see if you can get an overdraft at the bank, or sell some of your stuff online.
If all else fails, talk to a friend and ask for a spot on the couch for a week while you find somewhere cheaper to live.
Speak to your Community Welfare officer to see if there's any help you can get from them.
Don't be picky about looking for work. Beggars can't be choosers and it's near impossible at the moment.
You mentioned a license. If you have your own car, sell it for this month's rent.

Build up some evidence of looking for a job, having attempted to find help, having attempted to get an overdraft, and the situation you're in with the rent, show it to your parents, swear you'll start doing everything you can to support yourself and beg for forgiveness so that you have somewhere to stay while you get on your own two feet. If needs be, promise them interest on their investment in your college once you find that job.

LegacyUser

Why Mum was searching the room was irrelevant, it being her house.

As for OP?

Maybe this is the kick you need to actually stand on your own two feet? Why would your parents be expected to support you when you want to be independent in every other way?

mdebets

Talk to a solicitor at a Citizens Information Centres. You might be able to sue your parents for maintenance.

Boombastic

mdebets wrote: »

Talk to a solicitor at a Citizens Information Centres. You might be able to sue your parents for maintenance.

OP, you are 19. Your parents have been paying for your lifestyle thus far. You kept drugs in their house. They have a right to be annoyed with you, they have given you every opportunity, even going as far as paying half your rent to live with your girlfriend. If you want them to treat you like an adult, you need to start acting like one and take responsibility for your own life.

Stheno

mdebets wrote: »

Talk to a solicitor at a Citizens Information Centres. You might be able to sue your parents for maintenance.

I doubt that tbh

StillWaters

Stheno wrote: »

I doubt that tbh

I assume it was a sarcastic post. At least I hope it was!

mdebets

StillWaters wrote: »

I assume it was a sarcastic post. At least I hope it was!

If you mean my comment, no it wasn't sarcastic.
According to Citizeninformation.ie

Citizeninformation.ie wrote:

If the child is over 18 and under 23 and the financial circumstances do not allow him/her to attend further education, maintenance can be applied for in order to facilitate further education.

I don't know, how it is handled in Ireland in the specific case, so I adviced to talk to a solicitor about it.

Boombastic

mdebets wrote: »

If you mean my comment, no it wasn't sarcastic.
According to Citizeninformation.ie


I don't know, how it is handled in Ireland in the specific case, so I adviced to talk to a solicitor about it.

I think that's for a spouse (mother or father would have to apply for it) , I don't think the child can apply themselves (I could be wrong)

from citzens info

However, maintenance can be awarded to a spouse for their own benefit and/or for the benefit of a child who is under the age of 18, or 23 if the child is in full-time education. If the child is over 18 and under 23 and the financial circumstances do not allow him/her to attend further education, maintenance can be applied for in order to facilitate further education.

monflat

rob9872 wrote: »

Hi, I'm a new member I'm 19 this will be my first post.:D
Saturday morning my mother searched my room and found a tiny bit of weed, I used to smoke it when I was around 16 but stopped months before I got my licence, Any she found it in a box under my bed. She brought me up on it and kicked me out for good, I know I'm not the best son in the world and have done things in the past but she told me that was the last straw, I am currently going to college and living with my girlfriend, my parents paid my fees and I was told that they wont pay next year which I understand. My parents and my girlfriends parents were splitting the rent 50/50 but there's five months left on the lease and my parents told me that I'm on my own with money the rent is due on the 6th .I now have no money as any money I had saved I have spent .
I just wanted to see what peoples opinions are on my situation and I would appreciate any advice.
( sorry for the wall of text )

The main things you said here that you have done things in the past AND your parents are splitting the rent AND have paid your fees

So in my opinion as a parent your mother is sick of being used as a door mat who gives you pocket money ? Do you have a job?
Have you had good grades at your college course or does she feelse the money she has earned to pay you so you can have long lie in s with your girlfriend ????

Best thing you do is make her proud
Get a job earn some money and apologize to her for what you have done but tell her you will stand on your own two feet at this stage .

monflat

rob9872 wrote: »

Hi, I'm a new member I'm 19 this will be my first post.:D
Saturday morning my mother searched my room and found a tiny bit of weed, I used to smoke it when I was around 16 but stopped months before I got my licence, Any she found it in a box under my bed. She brought me up on it and kicked me out for good, I know I'm not the best son in the world and have done things in the past but she told me that was the last straw, I am currently going to college and living with my girlfriend, my parents paid my fees and I was told that they wont pay next year which I understand. My parents and my girlfriends parents were splitting the rent 50/50 but there's five months left on the lease and my parents told me that I'm on my own with money the rent is due on the 6th .I now have no money as any money I had saved I have spent .
I just wanted to see what peoples opinions are on my situation and I would appreciate any advice.
( sorry for the wall of text )

The main things you said here that you have done things in the past AND your parents are splitting the rent AND have paid your fees

So in my opinion as a parent your mother is sick of being used as a door mat who gives you pocket money ? Do you have a job?
Have you had good grades at your college course or does she feelse the money she has earned to pay you so you can have long lie in s with your girlfriend ????

Best thing you do is make her proud
Get a job earn some money and apologize to her for what you have done but tell her you will stand on your own two feet at this stage .

monflat

rob9872 wrote: »

Hi, I'm a new member I'm 19 this will be my first post.:D
Saturday morning my mother searched my room and found a tiny bit of weed, I used to smoke it when I was around 16 but stopped months before I got my licence, Any she found it in a box under my bed. She brought me up on it and kicked me out for good, I know I'm not the best son in the world and have done things in the past but she told me that was the last straw, I am currently going to college and living with my girlfriend, my parents paid my fees and I was told that they wont pay next year which I understand. My parents and my girlfriends parents were splitting the rent 50/50 but there's five months left on the lease and my parents told me that I'm on my own with money the rent is due on the 6th .I now have no money as any money I had saved I have spent .
I just wanted to see what peoples opinions are on my situation and I would appreciate any advice.
( sorry for the wall of text )

The main things you said here that you have done things in the past AND your parents are splitting the rent AND have paid your fees

So in my opinion as a parent your mother is sick of being used as a door mat who gives you pocket money ? Do you have a job?
Have you had good grades at your college course or does she feelse the money she has earned to pay you so you can have long lie in s with your girlfriend ????

Best thing you do is make her proud
Get a job earn some money and apologize to her for what you have done but tell her you will stand on your own two feet at this stage .

mdebets

Boombastic wrote: »

I think that's for a spouse (mother or father would have to apply for it) , I don't think the child can apply themselves (I could be wrong)

from citzens info

You could read it this way, but isn't maintenance not supposed to give the kids of divorced parents the same rights (not more or less) than kids who's parents are still married.
So if the mother of a 20 year old college student has the right to sue the father for child maintenance, would that not also mean that any 20 year old college student has the right to get money from his parents for college (so that both have equal rights)?

monflat

mdebets wrote: »

You could read it this way, but isn't maintenance not supposed to give the kids of divorced parents the same rights (not more or less) than kids who's parents are still married.
So if the mother of a 20 year old college student has the right to sue the father for child maintenance, would that not also mean that any 20 year old college student has the right to get money from his parents for college (so that both have equal rights)?

Is that a joke ????

Gatling

As a parent I'd say fair play to mum .parents house parents rules time to grow up and take personal responsibility for your own life and what comes next starts with left foot then followed closely by the right foot

Taltos

Guys - lets keep any further legal meanderings off this thread.

Thanks
Taltos

judgefudge

I think some people are being a little harsh here. 19 is still very young, I know a hell of a lot of 19 year olds that are still pretty much being supported by their parents. It's very easy to say "get a job and stand on your own two feet" but not so easy to do these days. Particularly while you are in college.

However, you do seem to have been havin a cushy time of it OP. they are paying your rent to live with your girlfriend??

You said you haven't been great in the past, and your mother is probably sick of disrespect.

Your options here that I can see are to do your best to get a job (not easy I know) and try to mend your relationship with your parents. Show them that you have changed and basically show them some respect. You are not automatically entitled to their financial support, so the least you can do is appreciate them.

Emz93

I agree some people are being ridiculously harsh. I'm 19 myself, I attend college, get good grades and have a part time job but could never afford to pay for my own accommodation/food/transport costs..

I agree with the post above, try your hardest to show you've matured and apologise to your mum.

LegacyUser

Wow, just wow, can't believe the "your parents are so mean" "they should not stop supporting you" texts. Grow up, the OP is an adult, your parents are paying your rent, supporting you through college and your repay them by smoking weed in their house. You need to apologise to them big time and not just so they will support you again. What's stopping you getting a part time job?

Casshern88

If he wants to keep going in education it may not be possible to afford to live away from home on a part time wage, trust me i know im in college.

To fully afford college / food / transport not even to mention any leisure money he will need a lot of hours which in turn will probably lead to missing college hours maybe eventually dropping out. Exact thing happened to me during my first attempt at college.

My advice communicate with your mother, go over explain that was from the past do what you can to bridge the gap, maybe you can strike a deal that if they pay for you for rest of college year you will work during the summer to pay them back.

i agree the O.P does have it very soft , but if his parents cut all support it may lead to him being unable to continue education, what do they expect will happen then? hel be stuck in some dead end job and be so depressed with it he'l be smoking weed the whole time.

Gatling

Chances are he will end up a dead beat either way and yes he will blame his harsh mammy and daddy for his own failings ,people need to seriously grow up

LegacyUser

Casshern88 wrote: »

If he wants to keep going in education it may not be possible to afford to live away from home on a part time wage, trust me i know im in college.

What makes you think others offering advice haven't done the college thing? I did it myself with no financial support from my parents. I worked part time, depended on a small grant etc.

Taltos

Gatling - if you have no constructive advice to offer then per our charter please don't post.
Telling someone they will more than likely be a deadbeat is hardly constructive and is not civil in the slightest.

Please consider not posting to this thread again.

Taltos

Emz93

It's very difficult getting a job these days, most places require experience and can often clash with college hours. Also most Universities have cut grants for students and the fees are rising each year..so I don't think it's fair to say the OP has to suck it up. It's quite overwhelming to have such financial pressure at such a young age.
I agree they had it easy what with the parents paying for himself and his gf though. OP maybe talk to the welfare officer in your college, they're very helpful and supportive with financial issues

a posse ad esse

If you claim that it is old weed that your mother found and you no longer smoke it why not prove it to your parents? Just get a urine test?

judgefudge

Is it an option to move home or anything?

I think it's unrealistic to say "suck it up and get a job". I fortunately haven't had to look for work in the past couple of years but I have many friends in college who have and it is very difficult to get a suitable job these days. There are so few jobs, many part time ones require you to work really weird hours, most will only guarantee like 4 hours a week or something. It's really difficult. So yeah, I do know people who have jobs (usually ones they have been in for years) and grants and get by that way but it's not possible for everyone.

I'd just try and patch things up with them and ask to move home or something. In fairness there is no need for them to paying for you to live out of home. Meanwhile look for a job so you can hand them some rent, try giving something back, no matter how little it might be. Then they might start treating you like a man.

hedgehog21

mdebets wrote: »

Talk to a solicitor at a Citizens Information Centres. You might be able to sue your parents for maintenance.

Eh no, doesn't work that way.

mdebets wrote: »

You could read it this way, but isn't maintenance not supposed to give the kids of divorced parents the same rights (not more or less) than kids who's parents are still married.
So if the mother of a 20 year old college student has the right to sue the father for child maintenance, would that not also mean that any 20 year old college student has the right to get money from his parents for college (so that both have equal rights)?

Not once did op say his parents were divorced. There just no longer supporting him which only right, if he wants to play house with his girlfriend it's time to man up and get a job.
It's mental how easy going your parents seem to be considering my parents would never pay my rent,fees etc.
The gravy train has now stopped,sorry op. At least the other half of the rent is being paid I suppose.

ManMade

Seriously doubt the only reason is for weed. Maybe the straw that broke...If it is it's sounds very harsh but not unfair. I'd really suck it up to them. Unless you have previous work experience, finding a good suitable part time job that works around college and study is slim at best.

looksee

OP, you are not really being straight here. You are living with your girlfriend - which your parents are paying for - and you say your mother searched 'your' room. No, it is not your room, it is a room in her house that she is perfectly entitled to clear out, clean up and use as a guest room or for any other purpose.

I have done this (without aggravation) several times and it is very tedious sorting out all the abandoned debris that the owner does not want to make a decision on or go to the trouble of throwing out.

So based on that, are we assuming that she asked you to remove the rest of your stuff, and incidentally she wasn't impressed at finding weed and if that is what you want to do then stay away and do it?

You can hardly say you have been kicked out if your present accommodation is being paid for by them. Have we heard all the discussion, or is your memory selective?

So you have generally pleased yourself, you have spent any money you might have had, the parent fairy has kept you going, you want to be independent and grown up, but have someone else support you. Your mother has decided that you are not getting any more mature as long as she helps you, so you can try supporting yourself.

She sounds like a sensible woman to me, now you are going to have to actually start paying attention and look at ways of dealing with the situation. Good luck, you will, eventually, appreciate her.

Isolt

You'll need to find a job ASAP. Don't be fussy, just take whatever comes along. My very first job was as a cleaner in a hotel. I left my family home and paid my own rent at 17 and that was a physically tiring job, flipping mattresses, cleaning vomit, blood, filthy clothes, nappies etc. Not glamorous at all but I was able to pay my rent and my college fees. Working while in college is really tough, especially when you're doing a lot of hours to support your rent and bills. But it can be done. It's not at all easy but it's not impossible. In fact, after my bachelors degree I went on to do a Masters and at the same time was promoted in my job to a managerial position so I barely had time to sleep, let alone anything else. But I'm glad. I learned more lessons in those 4 years than anybody would believe.

My parents have never paid my rent and when I was with my ex boyfriend he wasn't allowed stay in my room in my family's home. He had to sleep on the couch. I think you've been living the dream with your parents paying for you to live with your girlfriend. I do hope you realise how much they've done for you even though you might feel frustrated now. Not everybody has those luxuries.

And as someone above said, you will grow up very fast without them to rely on. I was miles ahead of my friends at that age in terms of responsibilities, ambition etc. I hope you find a job quickly. Good luck.