33 year old virgin living with parents

Kwijiboe

Through various different health and family reasons I have become a 33 year old male virgin living with parents. I would like to rectify the situation but not sure how to go about it. I'm quite introverted and not a big talker to people I don't know. Most of my friends are married and settled down and don't go out anymore hence I don't go anymore coz going out on your own is very tough, even going on holidays by yourself is very tough. first of all is there anyone else (male or female)in same situation and second of all what are they going to do about it?

Growing up was tough for me I was mentally abused by mother for many years, then when I was 16 my brother was killed in a road crash, I was messed up mentally for all my teenage years and only on the right road in the last couple of years. which was way to late to grasp the mystery of the opposite sex and all the complicated games they play.

Can I get back in the game at this late stage? and how ?

Boombastic

Kwijiboe wrote: »

Through various different health and family reasons I have become a 33 year old male virgin living with parents. I would like to rectify the situation but not sure how to go about it. I'm quite introverted and not a big talker to people I don't know. Most of my friends are married and settled down and don't go out anymore hence I don't go anymore coz going out on your own is very tough, even going on holidays by yourself is very tough. first of all is there anyone else (male or female)in same situation and second of all what are they going to do about it?

Growing up was tough for me I was mentally abused by mother for many years, then when I was 16 my brother was killed in a road crash, I was messed up mentally for all my teenage years and only on the right road in the last couple of years. which was way to late to grasp the mystery of the opposite sex and all the complicated games they play.

Can I get back in the game at this late stage? and how ?

My suggestion might sound like an old cliche, but find what interests you and look for classes in your area that you could join to meet like minded people. There are others in your situation. Try not to focus on the virgin part, when you meet the right person it really won't matter. Making friends is the first step.

I would suggest internet dating, but I haven't tried it myself so can't really give a recommendation of how successful it is or not.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

up for anything

Are you working? To me it sounds like the problem is not losing your virginity or finding a girlfriend, but getting the hell out of your parental home in order to be able to deal with the past and put it behind you. I can't see any relationship that you might start now surviving the situation you are in and the poor self-image you are generating. You need to deal with that before you can deal with other people. Going on holiday on your own can be very relaxing and invigorating as you don't have to compromise on what you want to do and where you want to go at any point. There are lots of travel companies that organise them, generally based around an interest eg cooking, reading, wind-surfing etc. You haven't said what your health difficulties are so it's hard to advise which way to go.

Kwijiboe

Not an abuser in the conventional sense, more mentally ..... whether I said or didn't say something whether I did or didn't do something it was my fault and I got a licking of wet cloth, 3 kids and I was the only one that was punished. I wasn't beaten black and blue like some poor people, it was more emotional, I felt so hated and so unwanted I was 100% certain I wouldn't be missed if I was gone and I wished I didn't exist. I was only ten years old at the time but I realised wishing for it wasn't going to make it happen and I thought about it a lot and came close-ish a couple of times. When my brother died everything changed I was important now, I'm cared for now better than when I was child. My childhood experiences have had negative affect on my confidence and messed me up quite a bit, I have a younger sis who has two kids and lives nearby. maybe that doesn't make any sense.....

Kwijiboe

up for anything wrote: »

Are you working? To me it sounds like the problem is not losing your virginity or finding a girlfriend, but getting the hell out of your parental home in order to be able to deal with the past and put it behind you. I can't see any relationship that you might start now surviving the situation you are in and the poor self-image you are generating. You need to deal with that before you can deal with other people. Going on holiday on your own can be very relaxing and invigorating as you don't have to compromise on what you want to do and where you want to go at any point. There are lots of travel companies that organise them, generally based around an interest eg cooking, reading, wind-surfing etc. You haven't said what your health difficulties are so it's hard to advise which way to go.

Just mental health, my childhood experiences left me with little self confidence and a subconscious feeling that I cant be alone and independent and cant make it by myself in the big bad world even though I've travelled to a few European countries and new York by myself.

Chronic Button

Kwijiboe wrote: »

only on the right road in the last couple of years. which was way to late to grasp the mystery of the opposite sex and all the complicated games they play.

Can I get back in the game at this late stage? and how ?

You're revealing something about your mindset here. Women aren't alien creatures playing havoc with your mind. They're just people. Like you.

Improve yourself. Learn to like yourself. And then take some risks!

dd972

I'm not trying to put a downer on you OP, but there are people and I'm one of them who will never marry or have a long term relationship, this can be best explained as 'image deficit' or simply not having 'it' whatever 'it' is, though I think I can best explain it as a coalescence of aura, body language, confidence, relaxedness, vocal cadence, looks, and the type of environment that shapes your personality.

Involuntary Celibates are 'normal' people that don't really differ from their married or cohabiting peers and 'should' be married or in a relationship with no obvious reasons as to why they shouldn't but try as they might to address the situation, nothing works.

I've had intermittent experience of the opposite sex in terms of sexual experiences and a couple of mickey mouse relationships that lasted weeks but that seems to be it, for me.

Whilst relatively quiet and introverted, shyness isn't the issue either, I can have a conversation with anybody about anything and have no fear of social contact that would inhibit a shy person.

Statistically there probably is 'an old boot for every old foot' or whatever cliche is used to explain this, but the chances are your particular soulmate is somewhere in Norway or New Zealand and you're never going to meet them.

Then there's all this B.S about putting yourself 'out there' or 'coming out of your shell', a couple of old work colleagues of mine spring to mind, they were the most ineffably boring blokes you would ever have the misfortune of meeting, you couldn't discuss sport, politics, work, travel, anything with them yet they were both married with kids.

Don't think 'what's wrong with me ?, I'm on my own' either, for every smug b**tard with a bombproof, water tight marriage looking down their nose and sniggering about you there's a hellishly miserable person either trapped in an unhappy marriage or those whose efforts in the dating and mating game lead to multiple abusive relationships, two or three kids who don't know where they stand and financial ruination.

Best of luck in your quest, I suggest you try Internet Dating but remember it's not the end of the world or your world if nothing comes out of it, don't invest all your ego or self esteem in it if you do find a Girlfriend because that can open up another Pandora's box of unhappiness.

Kwijiboe

dd972 wrote: »

I'm not trying to put a downer on you OP, but there are people and I'm one of them who will never marry or have a long term relationship, this can be best explained as 'image deficit' or simply not having 'it' whatever 'it' is, though I think I can best explain it as a coalescence of aura, body language, confidence, relaxedness, vocal cadence, looks, and the type of environment that shapes your personality.

Involuntary Celibates are 'normal' people that don't really differ from their married or cohabiting peers and 'should' be married or in a relationship with no obvious reasons as to why they shouldn't but try as they might to address the situation, nothing works.

I've had intermittent experience of the opposite sex in terms of sexual experiences and a couple of mickey mouse relationships that lasted weeks but that seems to be it, for me.

Whilst relatively quiet and introverted, shyness isn't the issue either, I can have a conversation with anybody about anything and have no fear of social contact that would inhibit a shy person.

Statistically there probably is 'an old boot for every old foot' or whatever cliche is used to explain this, but the chances are your particular soulmate is somewhere in Norway or New Zealand and you're never going to meet them.

Then there's all this B.S about putting yourself 'out there' or 'coming out of your shell', a couple of old work colleagues of mine spring to mind, they were the most ineffably boring blokes you would ever have the misfortune of meeting, you couldn't discuss sport, politics, work, travel, anything with them yet they were both married with kids.

Don't think 'what's wrong with me ?, I'm on my own' either, for every smug b**tard with a bombproof, water tight marriage looking down their nose and sniggering about you there's a hellishly miserable person either trapped in an unhappy marriage or those whose efforts in the dating and mating game lead to multiple abusive relationships, two or three kids who don't know where they stand and financial ruination.

Best of luck in your quest, I suggest you try Internet Dating but remember it's not the end of the world or your world if nothing comes out of it, don't invest all your ego or self esteem in it if you do find a Girlfriend because that can open up another Pandora's box of unhappiness.

that was an interesting post, you raise some good points. funnily enough a couple of years ago I was all about that I didn't need anyone I was seriously looking into moving out then out of nowhere I lost it and couldn't manage on my own was after creeping into my head.:( I guess its really about the moving out and doing all things for myself. Then again with my head the way it is maybe I would be able to cope with being all alone in a place and before you say it I wouldn't like to share with strangers. I have to think about what you said.