More than a hook-up?

LegacyUser

Basically, been seeing a guy for a few months, met through a mutual friend. It started off as a hook-up, I had been in a f-buddy situation in the past, he wasn’t long out of a relationship in which he was cheated on. We both said we'd see how it went and take things from there. Both mid 20's.

Because of work we have gotten to hang out at weekends mostly and stayed over some weeknights. He's a great guy and I do really like him, I enjoy his company and he seems to enjoy mine, we get on really well and have a laugh. He's affectionate, e.g. cuddling, kissing or holding my hand in front of friends/siblings/pub, so its not like he hides that we've been together. At one stage he also offered to let me stay at his family home. I know he is still on a dating site, which he still adds friends from, something I have also done in the past myself but I don't know if its a case of still looking for someone. Should add we have slept together, but often had nights where it would be nothing more than cuddling.

There are confidence issues there for myself as I can be uncomfortable in my own skin and think he can do better (which I know is something I shouldn't think). He does make me feel good about myself and tbh the last few months have brought with them some friendship issues, for which he was there for me. I know the problems would have affected me a lot more had he not been there for me.

We’ve talked it over again and agreed on what it is we are. He says he still isn’t ready for something serious but I haven’t pushed as to whether it could ever be. What is the best way to bring it up? Could it really turn into something serious from a hook-up? Am I wrong to read into it is as being more with how he acts around me.

Sorry for the long winded post, and thanks for taking the time to read or reply.

Merkin

Leinster_Lass wrote: »

We’ve talked it over again and agreed on what it is we are. He says he still isn’t ready for something serious but I haven’t pushed as to whether it could ever be. What is the best way to bring it up? Could it really turn into something serious from a hook-up? Am I wrong to read into it is as being more with how he acts around me.

You're not going to like what I have to say I'm afraid. I think you're leaving yourself wide open for being hurt here, especially when it's evident how much you like him. He has categorically said that he doesn't want to commit but by his actions, is happy to have you in his life for friendship, companionship and sex.

The fact of the matter is that he is still actively on a dating site. It seems like he may simply be biding his time with you until something better comes along (for want of a better phrase) and where then does that leave you? Out in the cold wondering how the hell it got to this.

I think you now need to ask that difficult question. You probably will not like the answer but don't let him fob you off. I reckon the uncertainty you are experiencing is worse than knowing the truth. You might not like the answer you get but at least then you can cut ties with this guy and leave yourself free for the relationship you want with someone else who wants the same things as you.

kat.mac

My advice is: listen to what he is telling you and take it at face value. He says he doesn't want to be in a serious relationship with you - believe him, and save yourself a lot of hurt.

daisybelle2008

OP, you both agreed to see how things go and take it from there. He has told you he isn't ready for something serious now, that is as much as anyone can tell you without being psychic. How is he supposed to know how he will feel down the line? You have to take on face value how he feels now and decide if that is good enough for you.

I would be concerned about your confidence issues and your inability to have a direct conversation with him. I could be wrong but but seem to want a guarantee of more but that is not possible to be honest I am not really sure what your question to him is?

If you like you could say to him that you would like to know if he is open to getting more serious if he feels ready down the line. But to be honest it is kind of pointless as you are going to get vague answer. You are looking for a committal answer in non-committal relationship. If I was in his position I would say 'let's see'. I wouldn't be able to tell you more than that. You can't base your decision on the relationship based on a vague answer by a non-committal person. You need to be strong and assertive to make a decision on what you want in a realtionship and stick by it.

Too be honest I really don't think you are cut out for this type of set-up at all. You need to be a lot more sure of yourself and less reliant on other peoples actions to be able to work a casual relationship.

He is on dating sites right now, he doesn't want to committ right now. If that is not what you want then move on and don’t be indicating that you are happy to go along with the set up.