How do I stop being so self-conscious

LegacyUser

Hi all, thought I'd post here for some advice.

I'm an extremely self-conscious person, I can't walk down a street without worrying about the way I'm walking, how I look, what my hair is like, whether people are looking at me etc. If people walk past me having a conversation and laugh, I always worry it's about me. If I'm talking to someone for long periods of time, I'm starting to think I'm talking funny, moving my mouth awkwardly etc. It makes me very anxious about going out (I'm 19 and in college), and meeting new people. Generally before I go out, or do anything social, I get the "shivers" and I shake quite a bit (not so much out of fear as excitement, I think). But, for example, I was buying drink in the off-license, my hands shake uncontrollably handing my I.D over.

I was wondering how I should get past this as recently I've taken to drinking pretty heavily if I go out, or smoking weed to relax. I realise it means I have pretty low self-esteem. Is there any books or articles people would recommend? I'm also very interested if anyone has had similar experiences and gotten over them. I'm a guy, by the way, and reasonably fit, and I would describe myself as good-looking. And I didn't mean to come across as being so self-centred!

LegacyUser

Hey there, i can identify with you. when i was in my teenage ages i was internally extremely shy. id worry about how i walked, talked, how i flicked my hair etc, if i thought people were passing some form of judgement on me id feel that rush of blood and anxiety rise inside me.

I felt i needed to get over this. my thought process went something along the lines of... everyone else is so wrapped up in themselves, it is human too be self involved and whilst i am talking to someone and worrying about what they think, they in fact could be doing the very same.

Also i felt sometimes it was good not to be so shy,to get over myself in a way, we know what its like sometimes when in the company of a shy person, trying to cajole chat or reactions, so you know i felt i had to make an effort for other people. even if i felt i wanted to hide or shy away i made myself make an effort and at the back of my mind think,...they are self absorbed in themselves, and its good for me and for them to interact in a sociable friendly way.

And even though now beneath it all i am still a shy person, people laugh at me if i tell them i shy because the above thought processes worked for me and to a point i am a lot less self aware and just get on with life and social interactions.

I dont know of any books....but im sure they are plenty if you did some research and you think they would be of use.

Also im sure you know that alcohol and smoking weed ARE NOT going to help. Makes paranoid as hell!!! You will deff think people are talking abou you when you take that combination when really they arent because you know what they are worried about their daily lives and their emotions. Anyway just ease off on booze and weed. avoid weed if you can.

Go out and do something with friends other than drinking and smoking weed, go surfing / hillwalking / cycling / golfing / fishing / bowling / gaa / soccer / ....you get my drift some exercise and outdoors is good for the soul or if you arent the sportsy type go see a play or a band or a movie or an art exhibition.

Good luck and take care

skyfall2012

What you are experiencing sounds like anxiety and you need to find a self help book that gives you the tools you need to cope and slowly you will gain your confidence back.

Hannaho

Hi! Skyfall, I don't feel anxoius, just fed up with people and disillusioned. I would be a very confident person, but I am just happy to come home in the evenings now and not connect with people.