Mum doesnt like new boyfriend

LegacyUser

I've been going out with my boyfriend a few months now and he came over and meet my mum on Saturday. I was chatting to her earlier today and she said he was very nice but hoped "I didnt end up with him as he was common". He has a great job, well educated, mannered, loves his family, treats me amazingly, its just his accent is a typical northside dublin accent.

Im crazy about him and can see a long term future with us. I'm close to my mum, and an only child, my dad died when I was a teenager so its just the 2 of us really.

Please can you offer some advice. I'm 28 and my boyfriend is 37

labradoodlelady

Firstly, I wouldn't bring up what she said with your boyfriend. It will cause a row down the line.

Secondly, just take it with a pinch of salt for now. She agreed that he's nice, so it doesn't appear that she dislikes him. I wouldn't take the accent comment too seriously. If she makes that comment again, just firmly answer that you are very happy with him, and he treats you very well, and his accent doesn't bother you. If she keeps saying that he's not suitable for you to end up with, just calmly say that you are dating X months and while you are very happy together, you haven't looked that far ahead.

CaraMay

Nip it in the bud straight away. Tell her he is not common and he makes you very happy and she can 'jump on board or stay on the platform' There was another post here recently where the mother was at the same bull but the couple were engaged and she was goung abroad to get married rather than her mother spoil the day. Don't let it get to that stage.

ladysarah

actually the orher girl too that much didnot like partner was 'an only child'. Some parents have pre conceived notions that their only little darlings will end up with doctors and the like regardless of how happy they are. Give it time and let her see he your future and I am sure once she sees how happy you are she will learn to accept it and be happy for
you.

demanufactured

You are 28....its your life.
Tell your mam to back off.

Eve_Dublin

Your mother sounds like a bit of a snob but it has nothing to do with you. If her only concern is that he has a North Dublin accent, then she is in the wrong here. If it was a genuine concern from her, it'd be different but it's not. This is her problem.

Toast4532

Your mum sounds like a snob, your boyfriend's accent is no reflection him as a person or what he is like etc.

As long as you are happy with him, he treats you well etc then you shouldn't even entertain what your mother is saying.

You are twenty eights years old who you see is none of your mothers business, she needs to keep her mouth shut and her snobbish opinions to herself.

If she makes another comment to you about him tell her to back off and mind her own business, you are happy with your boyfriend, he treats you well and that is what matters, and if she doesn't like it, tough, who you see or "end up with" is your decision and your business and your mother needs to accept that and let you make your own decisions.

If your mother was seeing someone who she was happy with and who treated her well, would she be happy about anyone telling her they hoped she didn't end up with him because he was common and had an accent they didn't like/approve of?

You cannot date someone based on their accent, if you end a relationship because of someone's accent then quite frankly you are shallow and that person is better off without you.

P. Breathnach

OP, I agree with most others that what your mother said was wrong. But it's clear that you don't want to fall out with her over it.

Don't tell her that she sounds like a snob (even if you think she does); don't hit her with a big warning to mind her own business (loving you is part of her business). I suggest that you find an opportunity to tell her that what she said caused you upset, because you have a high opinion of your boyfriend and see the possibility of a long-term thing with him. Give her every opportunity to come onside with you.

ABajaninCork

I always think the opposite of common is pretentious...

Tell your mother that your choice of boyfriend is none of her business. He seems nice, mannerly, well-educated, and treats you well. That is all she needs to concern herself with.

daisybelle2008

OP don't be tempted to justify your boyfriend to your mother. i.e if she says he is common, laugh and say 'yeah just how I like 'em'. It is not your job to promote your boyfriend to your mother. Don't entertain her opinion or let her think it matters. It will give her the message that she is not entitled to offer negative opionions about your boyfriends.
Tell her 'I don't wouldn't let him speak negatively about you behind your back, if you have a problem say it to his face'. That will put a halt to her gallop.
You are giving her opionion any power it has over you by making it matter so much.
The first change has to be yours though by not letting her opinion matter. She will learn from you.