My family are sabotaging my weight loss!

mystery1

if anyone could offer some advice on this situation I would be very very grateful...

My family seem to have a problem with me attempting to lose weight. I've a current BMI of 28, and I joined weightwatchers a few weeks ago in an attempt to get down to a healthy BMI.

Since I've joined my parents have sneered at my weight loss attempts. My mother laughed one week when I hadn't lost any weight. I'm sticking to the plan the best I can, but I live with my parents and I have no job, so I can't afford to move away from them. I get handed plates of fried/high fat food even though I specifically ask them not to cook anything for me, and if I refuse to eat it I get the cold shoulder for a few days. It's like they are sabotaging my attempts to be healthy, I can't understand it, they are doing everything to test my will power and when I try talk to them about it I get snapped at. I'm so so upset about this whole situation and I don't know what else I can do.

Any advice or tips on how to combat this situation please please send them my way. Thank you

madma

have you phoned the police??

5 years behind bars alone, for sneering at someone with no weightloss in a week

Outkast_IRE

Just stick to your guns and dont eat any unhealthy food they give you. They will get the message after a while that they are wasting their time.

nice_guy80

buy your own food and cook it/prepare it

simple as

doctorwhogirl

I'm going to be blunt here, because I think you need to be blunt yourself.

Your family are not encouraging you in your efforts. I agree, that's disheartening and unfair because they should want the best for you.
I understand you're in a difficult position living at home but you have to make the most of it.

The only person who can sabotage your weight loss is you by eating the food. Fair enough, they give you the cold shoulder when you don't eat what's offered. They'll have to lump it! This is for you, and you alone.

Do you cook for yourself? Again, I understand that can be awkward, but I'm currently living at home and I just said up front that I'm eating different things to them. It was annoying at first for them as we have a small kitchen but they just had to get used to it. I'm a member of the household too.

Remember you're the only one who has control over what you eat, not your family.
Best of luck OP

kerry4sam

mystery1 wrote: »

if anyone could offer some advice on this situation I would be very very grateful...

My family seem to have a problem with me attempting to lose weight. I've a current BMI of 28, and I joined weightwatchers a few weeks ago in an attempt to get down to a healthy BMI.

Since I've joined my parents have sneered at my weight loss attempts. My mother laughed one week when I hadn't lost any weight. I'm sticking to the plan the best I can, but I live with my parents and I have no job, so I can't afford to move away from them. I get handed plates of fried/high fat food even though I specifically ask them not to cook anything for me, and if I refuse to eat it I get the cold shoulder for a few days. It's like they are sabotaging my attempts to be healthy, I can't understand it, they are doing everything to test my will power and when I try talk to them about it I get snapped at. I'm so so upset about this whole situation and I don't know what else I can do.

Any advice or tips on how to combat this situation please please send them my way. Thank you

Firstly: Well Done to you on on wanting to reduce your BMI

Next: I don't think your family are trying to sabotage you; I jut think they are used to cooking for you and you are now entering a new phase in your life and it's bringing changes into the home. Maybe that's just something they just need to adjust to.

You say you're not working, but once you have funds coming in you can organise your own meal-plans and shop for your own food.

You truly need to stay strong though. This won't be an easy task for you, reducing your BMI and it will take immense patience and time.

If they ask about home much weight you have lost, just say that You are Happy with your progress; even if you are not; just for now. You are Happy with your progress!
Once you are aware that this will take time and adjustments will be needed and patience aplenty, just start gaining more Independence for yourself. You will feel all the stronger for it.
Start making plans for yourself-exercise and meal-plans and try your damnest to stay on track.

All the Very Best. Let me know if I can help you with anything

adamski8

One crazy idea- make your own food!

Merkin

One thing to have fatty and fried food 'handed' to you, another thing entirely as to whether you choose to eat it or not....

psicic

Oh, mystery1, been there, done that.

I think many people are either ignoring what you said or just haven't really experienced what you're going through.

I'm a man in my early 30s and I've been living back at home for a few years (yeah, financial realities are a pain). After I moved back, started putting on a huge amount of weight.
Similar story.... kept on being 'plied' with food. Never done out of badness... and I really was too weakwilled to refuse or go through the fight-followed-by-the-'wounded cold-shoulder' routine every single damned time food was landed in front of me.

We had many a row when I halfheartedly tried to take control of the situation. My ma didn't really want me cooking my own food.

Last summer I just decided to have the massive fight I knew would happen and made the break with her meals altogether. The fight happened, but it wasn't as bad as I expected and we all got over it really quickly. I just kept reminding my ma not to cook for me and left the food she made for me there a few times while also altering my schedule to eat at other times to them.

In six months I've come down from a size 48 waist to a size 38, and that's purely based on dietary changes.

So, yeah, I suggest that you need to take control. I think it's important to buy your own food (I'd suggest Lidl and Aldi for cost-to-nutrition ratio) and start to cook for yourself. Ignore what's being prepared for you. It really is worth it.

Mr. CooL ICE

OP, I'm not sure if I much advice to offer, but I want to ask one thing. Are your whole family overweight, or is it just you?

mystery1

Thank you for your support everyone. Particularly kerry4sam and psicic

The thing is, I do have enough money to buy my own healthy food, and have been doing. And I want to cook for myself and have been doing, but my mother in particular does not want me cooking in her house, just like psicic said above, and frequently intervenes on me doing my own thing.

One example of what's been going on, is that my mum wanted to cook a family dinner recently. I got her aside and said I'm looking forward to it but I really have to control what I eat. She had bought some chicken breasts so I weighed one, and said I'll cook it aside in the oven with no oil. She took huge offense, like I was saying that she can't cook or something, so she promised she would cook it, but with one teaspoon of oil, and I agreed.

I went back into the kitchen an hour later, and saw ALL the chicken, sitting and stewing in a frying pan with about an inch of oil in it.

When I confronted my mother the reply I got was "this is a family dinner, its not often we're all together, you're not going to embarrass me and let me down on front of everyone with "this" are you"

I'm only human, so apart from feeling upset, and let down myself, I felt guilty for hurting my mother, so I ended up sitting and eating fried chicken with the family

I think with some suggestions above I might just have to take a harder line, and the next time something that is cooked for me that I asked them beforehand not to make for me, that I just refuse to eat it. Even if they are hurt by it.:(

meijin

There is nothing wrong with fried chicken. Meat with fats is OK (ok, vegetable oil may not be the best... usually too much omega-6, but you can work on this later). But can you not just cut down on carbs for now? You can skip potatoes/chips without offending anybody, right?
So you can eat meats & more veggies cooked by your mother. If there are no veggies usually served, prepare some veggies/salad as an extra, and serve for everybody to enjoy. [That's what I did when visiting my parents, Edit just to add: mostly out of convenience in my case... ]

Hannibal Smith

whoa...hold on a second....why should you have to pander to her ridculousness. you can buy and cook your food...its not like you're handing her a basket of food and saying here cook this the way I want it.

Your mother sounds like a right battle axe and if you haven't the money to move out then be firm. Eat the way you want to eat and the way your plan says. Don't make compromises to a woman who is only going to find another reason to pick at you.

Laughing at you for maintaining and saying you're embarrassing her....you've made a great decision to lose weight....good for you. if your mother choses to cause conflict over it, that's her choice and you should not feel in anyway guilty or responsible for it. you'reddog nothing wrong and fair play to you for persevering under extremely negative pressure.

I think there's a weight watchers support thread here....join in with them...share the weight loss successes with them and continue on your plan and let everything your mother says wash off you like water off a ducks back.

Eabhabear

I live at home and I'm on weight watchers. I buy and cook all my own food. My family as a whole are very supportive unless I get in my mothers way, then all hell breaks loose How often do you have family dinners? If they're not a regular thing then having them every so often won't derail your weight loss. Just control your portions. When my mum cooks a roast etc for the family I'll have it but on a smaller plate. Cook your food when your mum isn't around if possible. I cook all my meals for the week at the weekend and I ask my mum in advance when is a good time to cook so I'm not in the way.

There's a weight watchers thread here where everyone is lovely a very supportive regardless of what weight loss programme you follow:
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056703521

There's also a general weigh loss thread which could be better for you and again everyone is very helpful.
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2056824266

boogle

I think you need to have a serious sit-down conversation with your parents about this. Sure, they'll blow up and tell you you're an ungrateful daughter, but being healthy is more important. Offer to cook for everyone a couple of times a week, that way they'll be the ungrateful ones if they refuse.

I could be way off here but this is what I think the root of the problem is:(personal experience btw!)

Your mother probably sees your efforts to cook and eat healthily as a criticism or judgement on how she feeds her family. You grew up eating her food, and are now overweight. So she may be taking your rejection of her cooking badly because she feels like you think her cooking is possibly harmful to the family's health. That's a big blow to someone who has always seen their actions as nurturing. She may also feel guilty about this, and is being defensive as a result.

Reassure her that you love the taste of her cooking, and have fond memories of home-cooked meals when you were a kid. But, explain to her that 9 times out of 10 you have to eat lower calorie food because your health is suffering due to your weight. Maybe suggest that you cook a meal together, with a printed recipe in front of ye that nobody can argue with. If she still has the same attitude, you'll just have to refuse her food until she gets the message.

re.mark.able

Gandhi's 4 stages of change - 'First they will ignore you, then they will laugh at you, then they will fight, and then you will win'
The second last stage is the hardest to keep fighting through.

Do not let any of your family guilt you into thinking you're being mean to them - they are being mean to you.
Do not let them make them feel you should do this because you love each other - if they really loved you they'd do this for you, they'd want you to be happy, feel a part of the family and live a good life.

Put your foot down - your mother has lied to you and taken advantage of your trust so you have to take matters into your own hands.
The more your cheat and back down the less seriously they will take you and the more likely they are to keep pushing you back.
You have to more or less protest - go as drastic as you want - find a friend who will let you cook in their house, refuse to eat the unhealthy food - do not back down.

All too often parents think that putting 'tasty' food in front of their child is loving them - that's coddling them. Putting healthy food, well prepared, is loving them - regardless of whether it's their favorite food or not - wanting the best possible life for them.

mystery1

Thank you to everyone who has offered me support on this thread, seriously I've had a huge uplift from reading your suggestions and insight It's amazing how supportive words can help so much!

Yesterday I came home from college to be confronted with a plate of cooked sausages for dinner (can you believe it, of all foods, one of the worst for ww points!) so I explained outright (again) that I have to stick to my own food and plan. I got the usual defensive response of "what, but they're grilled!" but I stuck to my guns and didn't eat them, and instead cooked my own dinner. I know it didn't go down well but I had to not cave to pressure. This morning I reminded my mum again to please not cook for me, and if it happens again today I'm still going to just eat my own food again.

I was almost ready to cave in before starting this thread, but I feel I'm back on track, for now anyways

doctorwhogirl

mystery1 wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who has offered me support on this thread, seriously I've had a huge uplift from reading your suggestions and insight It's amazing how supportive words can help so much!

Yesterday I came home from college to be confronted with a plate of cooked sausages for dinner (can you believe it, of all foods, one of the worst for ww points!) so I explained outright (again) that I have to stick to my own food and plan. I got the usual defensive response of "what, but they're grilled!" but I stuck to my guns and didn't eat them, and instead cooked my own dinner. I know it didn't go down well but I had to not cave to pressure. This morning I reminded my mum again to please not cook for me, and if it happens again today I'm still going to just eat my own food again.

I was almost ready to cave in before starting this thread, but I feel I'm back on track, for now anyways

Well done for not caving! That's a brilliant step in the right direction. Stay strong and stick to your guns. You'll get there

boogle

Fair play, stay strong!