why?

LegacyUser

I meet this guy on regular basis at work. we are both in late 20's. I am married but am not sure about him but know that he is in some sort of relationship. He is a gud guy as he talked to very nicely and politely. we just had some normal routine talks abt work and some random general stuff. but gradually my behaviour changed towards him. I tried to avoid him whenever I see him and I still do it. It wasnt because he was a bad guy or had some of that history or he misbehaved or so. I have no idea abt why am I doing it. I avoid having eye contact with him when I have to talk to him as that would be unavoidable. sometime if we just exchange looks I would behave like I dont know him and that he is just some random guy and that he is a stranger to me. Initially we used to talk nicely but dont know what made me behave so. I understand that even he is confused by such behaviour of mine and this makes me feel guilty to behave in such manner but I cant help it. That is my sudden reaction towards him.
I would like some opinion and insight from the third party who is neutral on this and can see what the problem is with me.

ladysarah

Would ypu be afraid that if you got close to him you may develop feelings for him and put your marriage at risk. For the sake of good manners just say hi but leave it at that. Do not get overly friendly with him. Focus on your job and look forward to going home to hubby. Be at peace.

LegacyUser

OP here. sry for late reply.Would it be obvious to behave so if it would be other way around. I mean If by some behaviours you might have unconciously felt that he is more than friendly interested. I was evaluating this since many days, I dont know what I am behaving is out of some reason or am I feeling anxiety or something, but I behave so only with this particular guy and no other. I want to get to the root cause so that I know what I am doing.

ShowMeTheCash

1. Do you get embarrassed easily or suffer from anxiety? Perhaps you got embarrassed for no good reason round him, this is something that usually happens in teenagers, but that person then becomes a trigger for the embarrassing feeling, anxiety type disorder can usually have a trigger that is not rational.

2. You actually know why, but you simply do not want to admit the reason, I know lots of people like this, they entertain relationships they know to be... Hmmm perhaps dangerous i.e. Befriending someone they are attracted too, then spend all their time trying to justify to other people there is nothing wrong with it... Usually these people are trying to make themselves feel better as they...deep down know they are playing with fire...


That's all I got.

LegacyUser

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

1. Do you get embarrassed easily or suffer from anxiety? Perhaps you got embarrassed for no good reason round him, this is something that usually happens in teenagers, but that person then becomes a trigger for the embarrassing feeling, anxiety type disorder can usually have a trigger that is not rational.

2. You actually know why, but you simply do not want to admit the reason, I know lots of people like this, they entertain relationships they know to be... Hmmm perhaps dangerous i.e. Befriending someone they are attracted too, then spend all their time trying to justify to other people there is nothing wrong with it... Usually these people are trying to make themselves feel better as they...deep down know they are playing with fire...


That's all I got.

1. not true
2. really agreed to what u said here and I accepted it, I disagree now, I kind of hate him for some reason, maybe the way he approaches me, seems that my personal space is hijacked so I try and avoid him.

ShowMeTheCash

dramaschool wrote: »

1. not true
2. really agreed to what u said here and I accepted it, I disagree now, I kind of hate him for some reason, maybe the way he approaches me, seems that my personal space is hijacked so I try and avoid him.

Love and hate being the same receptor in the brain....
Thing is, someone you do not really know should not provoke "hate"...

Not that I hate anyone, but ill feeling towards someone is usually only towards people I once had feelings for, whether it was romantic or not...

Maybe you have built up some angst towards him, or perhaps some kind of frustration or he in some weird way has not lived up to some kind of expectation bouncing around in your subconscious!

I have a feeling you will be like "Hey I hate you, then before you know it you will be rolling around on the office floor in a fit of passion"...

Sound like a movie plot!

LegacyUser

ShowMeTheCash wrote: »

Love and hate being the same receptor in the brain....
Thing is, someone you do not really know should not provoke "hate"...

Not that I hate anyone, but ill feeling towards someone is usually only towards people I once had feelings for, whether it was romantic or not...

Maybe you have built up some angst towards him, or perhaps some kind of frustration or he in some weird way has not lived up to some kind of expectation bouncing around in your subconscious!

I have a feeling you will be like "Hey I hate you, then before you know it you will be rolling around on the office floor in a fit of passion"...

Sound like a movie plot!

Its not 'ACTUAL' hate. just cant find the exact word to explain it so used HATE. There is something frustrating about him, something very irritating and the matter that he tries to be extra friendly alarms me to run in the opposite direction.dont have anything strong (evidence or instances) to mention but u can sometimes sense it. I am thinking to clearly mention it to him but dont know what should I say, or should I say orrrr not yet as I dont have exact instances to put my idea straight through.

LegacyUser

any suggestions of what should be done next? What would you be doing if this was happening to you?

Forever Hopeful

Op,
Why are you giving this guy so much headspace?
On the surface (from what you have described) he's a nice, friendly guy that you work with. At a very basic level, it sounds like he just annoys you. We've all been there.
The fact however that you mention your relationship status and the possibility that he is in a relationship means there's an attraction 'issue' going on.
Someone mentioned correctly that perhaps you fancy him and not comfortable with those feelings which is why you behave as you do BUT....
I think you want someone to suggest perhaps he fancies you. I'll say it maybe he does and is overly friendly and that bugs you.
So what! Everyone gets crushes and be flattered. However your feelings of 'hatred' means its not entirely unrequited otherwise why would you care? Why would this be occupying your thoughts?
Think about it.