Only 19 with no friends, social life or girlfriend. . .

LegacyUser

Hey,

I have absolutely no social life. Or friends, Iv never even had a girlfriend.

A few years ago I started to drift away from my friends. We were just into different things - and our lives were going different places (unfortunately they were going down a bad path). When I was younger I noticed this and started to move away from them.

The thing was though that I never really got any good new friends. I made friends in secondary school with pretty much everyone - but never became good friends with anyone.

Then because I hadnt really got any good friends when it came to the time where everyone started to go out to clubs I was never really asked (because I never really was with a group of friends) so that meant I made even less friends/girlfriends.

Im now in college and once again I made lots of 'friends' but didn't really make any good male friends. I am living at home and work so I didn't get to be out there much. I only have two good friends from college, they are both women.

We would go out for a drink (or cinema) every few months and for lunch when ever our schedules allow. But dont really see each other much.

I am extremely jealous of everyone else my ago going out partying every week and just hanging out with their friends.

I am quite self conscious about my height (just 5'7'') which puts me off talking to people. I know it shouldn't but it does. I get periods where I feel great about myself and dont care what anyone thinks and then I get a period where I feel really self conscious.

I'm not just some outcast. I do talk to people (I cant just randomly talk to someone I never seen before unless were started by someone else) I am a really friendly person, Im not bad looking.

Basically I have no life, no friends and feel self conscious and because Im working and at college I have very little time. And I know that Im only 19 but Im terrified that Im going to end up alone forever.

Im really tired (its 4.30am), this post it most likely all over the place and Im not really sure what Im looking for. But thanks anyway.

ladysarah

First of all well done for drifting from the guys who were going down a bad path))€ It takes guts. Secondly ypur height is perfect.Ypu will realise thst when you are older but please believe me do not let it stand in the way of talking to people. You remind me do much of a friend of mine. She was a great girl who would do snything for anybody but was full sure she couldnot talk to people as she was slightly over weight. You have a busy life with work and college but try and be good to yourself / give yourself a break re your height. Learn to love yourself. Maybe organise a night out and ask class mstes to come along. Put yourself put there, You are more then worthy of it )

missingtime

What kind if hobbies do you have? Are there any societies in college that you would be interested in joining?

I was kinda the same as you for some long spells in college, but once I settled into a group of people with something's common I was much happier.

justsmile

You sound like a nice guy. Don't be so hard on yourself. You done well to drift from people who you felt were going down the wrong path. I'd second getting involved in clubs and societies in college, or maybe try a new hobby outside of college. Perhaps try and get closer to some of the people you already consider 'friends' in college. At 19 your so young so try not to worry too much.:)

danslevent

My boyfriend is 5,6! I'm only about 5,2 myself but I truly think he is the hottest thing going! Don't let it get you down, alot of girls are below 5,7 anyway

Overheal

**** OP, you know how many times I have been uprooted, and forced to start from scratch socially?

Seven.

That's not even a joke, that's the actual number.

I won't say it doesn't affect you not to socialize with people. It does. However, you also have to realize that right now you're focusing on something really important. Right now I'm in the same boat still, because **** happens, so I'm still in the same boat. When you work 35 hours a week and you're also in class full time, there isn't any time left over for socializing or dating or any of that other shyte. What's important to note here is that one day rather soon (before you hit 25, unlike, me) you're going to graduate and then you go from a 70-80 hour work week to a 40 hour work week, with way more pay and benefit, and suddenly you've just found yourself having far more free time and disposable income. But right now, you don't have it, and I don't have it. Hell, right now I would actually dread if some cute young college girl decided she wanted to latch on to me, because I wouldn't have the time of day for her.

My advice is pretty simple: Stop telling yourself you have no life. You do have a life. It's a life that revolves around your education, and has a long term investment with a large payoff at the end. There's the other extreme of people who never gave a **** about school, never gave a **** about their job, they just wanted to always ever collect enough money to go out drinking and go **** instead of giving a **** and then oh look theres a baby; so don't second guess yourself too hard.

The only advice I can give is to try and become active in the social versions of whatever it is you ARE interested in. There are few activites outside possibly masturbation (and even then perhaps) that do not have social equivalents of them. Even if you are academic and like to learn things like a new language there are people who meet up to talk in that language so they are using it. Often people living in Ireland who are from those countries join up too and use their own knowledge of the language to help out.

If you are into music then there are jamming sessions. Gamers have game nights.

I myself love live music and I became "that guy" who would join the forums for the bands and singers I liked and arrange "Pre gig meet ups" by naming a time and venue somewhere near the gig and having people meet up with or around me. As I become the focus for such groups I made friends that are still good friends today - including two girls I am now in a relationship with.

In short: Make your focus be YOU and improving the things you DO like doing. But do so by finding the social ways to work on those aspects of yourself. You will find that the friends and girlfriends thing will just fall into place by itself on that journey. Work on your own path in life and people tend to just join you on that path along the way.

shalalala

I was 16 when I moved here. I had no friends at all for most of the two leaving cert years. Stabbed in the back by a few girls etc. Then in college I found that nearly everyone went home to the country at the weekends and I was stuck in Dublin alone.

I tried different hobbies etc to meet people. Also made myself available for EVERY party in college that I was invited to. Even if I had no money I went. I just did it on the cheap.

Then when I left college I joined meetup.com and I met lovely people. But more then that I gained the confidence to speak to people in random situations and become friends with them. Also I travelled alone which was amazing and met wonderful people.

What I am saying is that it is tough. Go to counselling, just to talk to someone. Don't give up hope. It will get better. And don't close your mind to making friends with random people of different ages in strange places.