Wishing ill on those you wish well?

I have been a long time poster on PI and RI so I am not sure how to phrase my own feelings that I have been harboring for some time now.

I just wonder sometimes am I the only one who in a strange way almost wishes ill upon those (s)he loves because you want to be the one to ride in like a knight in shining armor to save the day.

I know that sounds really awful. I do not _actually_ wish pain or harm on anyone I love but... I seem to have grown up on a diet of Star Trek the Next Generation and QUantum Leap... and shows where peoples relationships are really.... i think the best word is "defined".... by the hardships they face together.

I am surrounded in people I love and people I know love me. So I am not "love starved" by any means. But I do not quite know how to handle this feeling inside me that I wish the next "disaster" would hurry up and come because I want to "show the world" (I say that in a self depreciating sarky voice) how I can roll in and save the day!

I am trying to bring myself down a notch or two with the paragraph above but I have to admit... and plead.... that part of me misses those moments when I really DO something.... and I do wonder if anyone else ever feels... that as much as you love the people you love and wish them well always.... do you ever entertain some hope that all things will NOT be well for them... just so YOU can be the one to make it well again?

Does this even make sense? This... non-directional need to be there... to help out.... to support...... to... to... to.....

Ando's Saggy Bottom

It sounds like you gain happiness and self worth from helping others. Nothing wrong with that in itself. What is a bit more unhealthy us relying on doing such things for your self worth and happiness. You seem to be defining yourself by your ability to be there for others where a more healthy way to have things would see helping others as one of the many ways you feel good about yourself.

Hope that makes sense as it reads a bit funny I know.

I think people fantasise about being a hero a lot, OP! You think if you're in some mad situation you'll kick ass and save people. Maybe we've all watched too many movies I wouldn't say it is specifically wishing harm on them, for you, more wishing for a chance to shine and be helpful.
I think the best thing to be done is to acknowledge these things when they pop into your head, and then try to move on.
Perhaps you can reassure yourself of the little things you do every day - I'm sure there are plenty - and how people would prefer that, than a crisis, and that you really are helpful and supportive already. It just doesn't have to be with a fanfare.

Zen65

Deleted User wrote: »

I just wonder sometimes am I the only one who in a strange way almost wishes ill upon those (s)he loves because you want to be the one to ride in like a knight in shining armor to save the day.

So, you have a deep-rooted desire to do good, to help?

But you have learned that this is only appropriate when somebody is in trouble? Perhaps you could use your energies in a more proactive way, and do good before trouble strikes?

Have you considered working with a local charity? You might find something like a Lions Club in your area where you could help out. Perhaps you could do something for the community in your area? I'm thinking of a Residents' Committee, a Tidy Towns Committee, or something like working with youth groups in your area?

Perhaps none of this appeals to you because you want the person you help out to be known to you, where the gratitude / appreciation is closer to you? If that's the case then just get up and try something in your community and you'll be surprised how the response might give you satisfaction!

Be at peace,


Z

looksee

As the others have said, you are living in a bit of a fantasy. Nothing wrong with that, especially as you have recognised it! Enjoy the dream, then laugh - kindly - at yourself, and get on with your life.

Maybe you need to challenge yourself more, maybe you should join a drama group - seriously - to absorb some of this creativity and desire to be in the spotlight.

You are not really wishing ill on someone, just having a bit of a Superman dream, don't worry about it. You can't actually organise disasters to be the hero in, so what harm?

Challanging myself - thankfully - is not something I need to work on in my life. I run an hour at 5am every morning - cycle an hour every night - do capoeira and BJJ every week - am learning a language - and I contantly work in the garden on herbs and veg which I then cook and cooking is one of my big past times / hobbies.

I am also constantly working on DIY and I built a small house on my land - fully foundationed, plumbed, wired and with all kinds of cool space saving modern design ideas inside all with no building or other training on any of it. Even better I met a girl on an internet chat room recently having made financial troubles and all sorts and after I got to know her a bit better I gave her the house free of charge first for a year - then extended it another year. It has made a great difference to her life and at least my spare house is being used - lived in - and appreciated.

I did the same with an 8 person out door heated jacuzzi with inbuilt sound system (built it that is - not moved someone into it to live). And I am currently working on a tree house with more secrets and cool things in it than "The Three Investigators" has in their junk yard hideout. Not to mention of course the annual weaponised go kart racing me and my mates do which is a constant ongoing hobby / DIY project. There is even an old car I have been working hard trying to find - buy and restore though so fair to no avail. People who own them hold on to them.

Not trying to blow my own trumpet with all the above. Point is simply that I do not think lack of challange in life is really likely to be the core of any issues I have.

I do not even own a television at this time but I do remember how the writers would give the characters convientient plot twists and turns which would allow one character to "step up to the plate" and really demonstrate their love for another character in a self sacrificing wonderful way that shows all and sundry how much they care. These things define their relationships etc etc etc.

I guess there are just a circle of people in my life that I care about so much that I almost crave such situations to arise just so I can use them to show them how I feel in ways that mere words do not. Maybe this is not an _issue_ or a _problem_ so much as most things posted on this forum but it certainly does not leave one unaffected.

looksee

You sound like a very romantic (in its original sense), creative person. Please don't hassle yourself about your daydreams and fantasies, they are harmless and will probably eventually move on for some other outlet.

What you do - building treehouse etc is another expression of your love and creativity, maybe sharing what you are doing would become a similar outlet?

I would love to see pics of your treehouse, maybe you would share them in DIY since you are posting as yourself and there are no anonymity issues?

pastorbarrett

Have found myself considering my own acts of perceived selflessness on occasion before.

I suppose there is something of an inherent dilemma in imagining your loved ones in difficulties so as to as to present you with an opportunity to rectify said situation and thus improve your status, sense of worth etc. Is it possible you believe others simply to do not appreciate you on your own terms as is? Or if they do, perhaps you feel somewhat under appreciated or 'under-used' in your capacity as a friend/ relative etc?

I suppose if you were to take these thoughts a step further and imagine their feelings and emotions in these difficulties you may consider them (the imagined scenario's) differently i.e. remove yourself from the equation and envision only their reality, suffering etc as a result of these difficulties.

I'd echo other posters in saying it may be useful for you to find an outlet where you can exist in an assistive capacity for the benefit of others. It could be something small. It could help satisfy this longing you have to help and lend some insight into the empathetic side of your nature in relation to others.

Best of luck, OP.