Internet dating and Valentines Day etiquette...

LegacyUser

Right so, quick and easy one seeking opinions so I don't make a fool of myself...possibly one for the ladies.

Have been internet dating, made contact with a girl I like and have been chatting / txting for a bit (as in a week), both getting on, pretty good chemistry (as far as you can tell from chat / txt) and we're both up for meeting up over the next week or so but not before as I'm travelling with work.

So for tomorrow...if I'd found out (by chance) where she worked, and if she's been being suggestive that she hadn't had a Valentines card in a year or 2...would it be (a) creepy or (b) nice and thoughtful if I had flowers delivered to her at work? Too much??

The mystery of women...

Loughc

Def send the flowers, it a romantic gesture especially as she hasn't gotten anything for a few years. It's a very nice opportunity to make her feel special.

I met my girlfriend online and she had never gotten flowers before so I arranged to have flowers sent to where she works the day before we had arranged to met.

She loved them and we're together over a year now! Go for it you've nothing to lose, if she doesn't appreciate the gesture it will be her loss!

smash

Send her a kitten. Just make sure to put holes in the box.

Magicmatilda

I would absolutely love to get flowers in work. I'm pretty cool about the whole Valentines day thing, not mad into buying cards or presents or celebrating but deep down I really would love to be that girl who is essentially singled out as being special (unconscious as that may be). I certainly would not frown upon someone who sent me flowers.

My only hesitation if I were you is that you have not actually met this girl yet, is that correct? If so maybe you should wait until after the first date to do this. As well as you get on online you may not gel in real life. That said there is no harm in making the girl feel special now even if it doesn't work out.

MissFlitworth

If someone I had never met tracked down where I worked and sent me Valentine's flowers, regardless of whether or not we'd been flirting online, I'd be super uncomfortable. Especially if they came to my office where I'd have to explain them to people. That's not to say the lady you're talking to wouldn't love it, I know some of my friends would be thrilled, but if I were you I'd go for something a little less ostentatious if it's going to her workplace

Meauldsegosha

If it was me I would feel very uncomfortable if a man who I had only chatted to online for a few days and had never met sent me flowers. To answer your question I would find it creepy and very OTT.

CaraMay

Do not send her anything. She didn't tell you where she worked. I would go mad of someone (I barely know) sent me flowers / a card to work. Cringe

LittleBook

Mini Quandrary wrote: »

So for tomorrow...if I'd found out (by chance) where she worked, and if she's been being suggestive that she hadn't had a Valentines card in a year or 2...would it be (a) creepy or (b) nice and thoughtful if I had flowers delivered to her at work? Too much??

The mystery of women...

Yes it's nice and thoughtful but yes it is too much for someone you've been chatting to for a week and have never met. There's no mystery, she's hinted at a card, show her that you're hearing her and send a card.

There'll be plenty of time for flowers if you two hit it off.

dannyc31

a bunch of flowers would be too much too soon. perhaps a card and a single red rose might be good though.

smash

dannyc31 wrote: »

a bunch of flowers would be too much too soon. perhaps a card and a single red rose might be good though.

I think it doesn't matter what the gift is. It's the fact that he basically stalked her.

LegacyUser

Whoa...stalked?! She added me on FB and her page linked to where she works, jumping ahead of yourself with the accusations a tad methinks.

Fair enough on the points raised above anyway, consensus seems to be bad move, am happy with that, that's why I posted cos I wasn't sure...though if I lose out down the line on this one cos I didn't make enough of an effort I'll have truely lost all faith in woman kind!!

smash

Mini Quandrary wrote: »

Whoa...stalked?! She added me on FB and her page linked to where she works, jumping ahead of yourself with the accusations a tad methinks.

You could have said that instead of saying "So for tomorrow...if I'd found out (by chance) where she worked"...

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Meauldsegosha wrote: »

If it was me I would feel very uncomfortable if a man who I had only chatted to online for a few days and had never met sent me flowers. To answer your question I would find it creepy and very OTT.

Oh God I'd be of the same opinion as this. I'd be freaked out! Don't do it!!!!!

ETA: even a card is too much at this stage! An e-card maybe but an actual card is too much, too soon...as for a gift/flowers etc...way too much too soon in my opinion.

Abi

CaraMay wrote: »

Do not send her anything. She didn't tell you where she worked. I would go mad of someone (I barely know) sent me flowers / a card to work. Cringe

This.

Id be a bit weirded out by it. You need to meet first to see if you can establish a relationship before all that.

Princess Peach

I would say it depends on the girl! Few years ago I was chatting to a guy online and a couple of weeks before Valentines he asked for my address so he could send me a card, before we had any plans to meet and were just friends. We met up twice shortly before the day and he had flowers sent to my work for me on Valentines since we couldn't see each other. He knew I would like it cause he knew me pretty well by then. Tomorrow will be our 3rd Valentines together

If you think it's something she would really appreciate, do it! Every girl is different.

Merkin

Do not send flowers or a card or anything remotely smushy relating to Valentine's Day. You haven't even met the girl, to do so would be creepy, inappropriate and really very premature.

I don't know why, but online dating seems to foster this false sense of familiarity and camaraderie with people who are fundamentally strangers.

Put it this way. You haven't met the girl and you send her a big bunch of flowers to her work. (Odd) You then meet her in person on a date and discover that not only has she got halitosis and a particularly bad clubfoot but a number of hugely off putting tics or character traits or simply find her the most repulsive woman on Earth. You then will find yourself having to back-track from a grand gesture like a large bunch of flowers while trying to explain that you don't want to see her again.

TLTR? Don't make grand gestures to people you don't even know

ronjo

smash wrote: »

You could have said that instead of saying "So for tomorrow...if I'd found out (by chance) where she worked"...

Calling him a stalker based on that is way too harsh.

That said, I wouldnt buy flowers yet..... If you meet up and have a great time then maybe you could send them after.

dannyc31

sorry i must of misread your original post. hadnt realised you havent even met this girl yet. :eek:

yes send nothing, its creepy to say the least.

smash

ronjo wrote: »

Calling him a stalker based on that is way too harsh.

As others said first:

CaraMay wrote: »

She didn't tell you where she worked.

MissFlitworth wrote: »

If someone I had never met tracked down where I worked and sent me Valentine's flowers, regardless of whether or not we'd been flirting online, I'd be super uncomfortable.

I just didn't sugar coat it, but I wasn't trying to be offensive. She might think the same!

Big Bag of Chips

smash, please have a read of the Personal Issues/Relationship Issues Charters to make sure you are familiar with them.

This board is specifically for offering advice. All replies are expected to be civil and constructive. Each Forum on boards.ie has it's own charter, and what might be acceptable in one forum, may not be acceptable in another.

You have a few replies on this thread, and to be honest, none of them actually offer any real advice to the OP!

Breaches of our charter can, and do, result in bans from this Forum.

Regards,
Big Bag of Chips.

dellas1979

I think its a lovely idea!

She is open to tell you about the card thing. Her work is on fb. If she wasnt open and suspicious about giving out information, she wouldnt tell you and have fb on high privacy setting (like some people do). And maybe her openess is one of the things you like about her.

Its flowers, not an axe. Its a kind gesture, not two fingers. Its thoughtful, not crazy.

Tigger99

Omg no! I would be pretty freaked out if I was in her position and received a card or even worse, flowers.

Holsten

No way do you send her anything!

You've not even met in person!

Trisha XxX

dannyc31 wrote: »

a bunch of flowers would be too much too soon. perhaps a card and a single red rose might be good though.

I agree with dannyc31. And its still so romantic a single rose and card, its the thought that counts. Go for it!

judgefudge

Kinda depends really. I mean people on here seem to fall into one of two camps. Either it's lovely and thoughtful or it's creepy. It's a risk.

If you send them and she thinks it's thoughtful - great. If you send them and she thinks it's creepy you've probably lost her. If you don't send them you can continue on as you have been, nothing lost/gained.

I would say considering you haven't actually met her send nothing. Particularly since it's to her work, not everyone likes to made a spectacle of in front of their coworkers.

Just send her a nice text, or actually call her!

ash23

You don't know her well enough to know if she would love or hate the idea so err on the side of caution.

Happens every year in work. Some of the girls get deliveries and are delighted. I, personally wouldn't ever want a flower delivery from ANYONE to my workplace. I'd die of mortification as I hate having that level of attention from my workmates and I'd find it cringy.

I think most women are either a love or a hate on the flowers to work thing.

You have no idea what she is like or what she likes.
Send her a happy valentines text or a picture message with some funny, quirky, non soppy picture about having a happy valentines day. That's as far as I'd go with it to be honest.

LizT

I certainly wouldn't send anything to her workplace OP. You don't know what kind of relationship she has with her co-workers, she might be absolutely mortified to receive a delivery in front of them.