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Stupid night with friend

  • 12-02-2013 8:58pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I recently broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and trying to get used to being single again. I went for a few drinks with a close male friend of mine recently and he ended up staying over at mine. Now, I did drink too much and I was very drunk going to bed and he stayed in my bed too. I have vague memories of kissing him and of waking up with my pjs off...But I dont know if anything happened or not. We were both drunk and I am not putting any blame on him but I feel so stupid. I hate to think Iv ruined a friendship and I am dissappointed with myself for letting that happen.

    I don't know what to do now. If anything did happen then it was unprotected but it was just a week after my period so I don't think pregnancy would be an issue but I should probably get tested just in case. I cant talk to my friends about it because they would go crazy at me.

    I'm not really sure what I'm looking for here just wanted to vent.


Comments

  • #2
    Taltos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20,830 ✭✭✭✭Taltos


    OP - as well as pregnancy, suggest you also get tested for STI's.
    While a friend you have no idea of his past history.

    Also suggest you talk to him
    a) to find out what he remembers
    b) to clarify that it can't happen again, as you value the friendship too much.
    c) more importantly to ensure that he stays quiet on it

    Finally, having done this once after too much alcohol, maybe just be a bit careful at either/both - how much you drink or with whom.


  • #3
    sffc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 433 ✭✭sffc


    Taltos wrote: »
    OP - as well as pregnancy, suggest you also get tested for STI's.
    While a friend you have no idea of his past history.

    Also suggest you talk to him
    a) to find out what he remembers
    b) to clarify that it can't happen again, as you value the friendship too much.
    c) more importantly to ensure that he stays quiet on it

    Finally, having done this once after too much alcohol, maybe just be a bit careful at either/both - how much you drink or with whom.

    I agree100% with Taltos's advice EXCEPT (c) .
    It is sexist pure and simple to say that he must "keep quiet" . I note too that this is considered "more important" ! Is it garuanteed that a man can only boast about such situations and not have feelings ?? Can a man not be confused/worried/frightened ? Is a man not allowed share his feeling with someone ???
    The OP states she won't tell her friends "because they would go crazy at me. " She doesn't feel the need to stay quiet to respect anyone's privacy and rightly so - the truth is the truth .


  • #4
    Merkin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,230 ✭✭✭Merkin


    I genuinely think ruining a friendship is the least of your worries here hon. Drinking yourself into such a state that you have no idea what happened is a problem. You really need to talk to him and establish what happened and you then need to get yourself a pregnancy test and booked in for an STI test as well.

    I'm afraid a week after your period puts you well in the danger zone. Sperm lives in the body for 3-5 days. A released egg can be fertilized within 72 hours. While the textbooks say ovulation is normally 12-15 days that is all it is, textbook. A woman can ovulate at any time so there is no safe time really unless you're actively monitoring your temperature and are au fait with the barrier method as a form of contraception.

    Get yourself tested, talk to this guy to find out what happened and then very clearly set out the parameters of your friendship. I also hate to say it, but if you did have sex with him (and I know it takes two to tango) he can't be that good a friend if he had sex with you when you were so clearly out of it you had no idea what you were doing....talk to him and get him to be truthful with you as to what exactly happened that night. Maybe also cut back on the booze if it causes you to black out like this.


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