unemployed, confidence at an all time low

LegacyUser

Sorry if this is a long one. I'm now long term unemployed. I won't go into the details but, trust me, I've done everything possible to get work and I have years of work experience as well as very high educational qualifications. At first, when my last employment contract ended, I presumed I'd get something quickly like I'd always done...but this time, no. I did extra courses, did unpaid volunteer work, did an internship and applied to hundreds of jobs. There's no work in my sector at all, and in other sectors I'm told my experience isn't relevant because its focused so much on that area. I've seen a guidance counselor, who told me to market my skills and adapt them to another sector, but I still got nothing. I've been on the dole now for 13 months. I go through periods of being very upset and angry, and others where I try to focus on the things in life I love, like spending time with my nieces, running (I have taken part in two mini-marathons for charity since I lost my job) and helping out my dad at home. I also have a partner who cares about me and who worries that I am down on myself. So I know I'm very lucky to have all that.
I still just can't get past it though. Everytime I have to go to the Post Office to collect my money I feel like a total failure. It's my 33rd birthday this weekend and I'm living on handouts from the government! I can't emigrate for family reasons and it makes it worse that so many of my friends have left and are successful with money and jobs etc.
I hope I'm not playing the violin too much, and I know people have it so much worse than me, but I had to sell my car to pay my debts, I used to have money for nice clothes and the hairdressers and to treat myself from time to time, and now I feel frumpy. I used to enjoy a few drinks after work on a Friday and now I've no money or enthusiasm for it.
My boyfriend wants us to move in together, we've been together 4 years but haven't been able to live together because we'd always had jobs in different towns. But I'm afraid with no income I feel like I won't be able to contribute. I'm also just generally very down and I'm not a good girlfriend at the moment, I don't feel sexy or attractive or interesting and I'm snappy to people. I basically feel useless because I'd always planned my weeks around working and now time has no meaning.
Another thing is that my partner and I have been planning a family for a couple of years now, and I kept saying to wait until we're more secure financially and I have a permanent job where I could get maternity leave because we couldn't both get by on his wages alone with a baby . But now we really want to start thinking about it, but its so tough with the financial situation. We've both got first class university degrees, life shouldn't be this hard as far as I'm concerned. It's so hard just to stay optimistic.
I just wonder if anyone out there is having the same experience? How do you cope with the uncertainty? I'm so stressed half the time I can't sleep and I lie awake worrying. HELP!!

Roisy7

OP I know things are seriously frustrating for you now and I have the utmost sympathy for you. Am on the dole myself at the moment and I know how **** it is if you've always worked, how you feel almost guilty at the post office. But look, there are some real positives there.

Firstly, you have a partner that loves you. You have nieces and a dad who love you. You have made great strides to contributing to society, marathons etc. Perhaps it is time to stop defining yourself by career alone, you are worth more than another statistic on the live register.

Keep going and applying for things, I know it's beyond depressing, but keep going. Maybe ask a friend who's good at these things to look over your CV to tweak and polish it. Are there any areas you might like to reskill or upskill in? Are you registered with FAS?

Perhaps moving in with your partner may be a positive change for you. Don't dismiss it because of your financial situation- he understands what you're going through and he sounds like a good man.

Finally on the make-up thing. I know the feeling. But make-up doesn't have to be super-expensive these days, and you don't have to go to the most expensive salons. Shop around, and if your birthday's coming up, just ask for vouchers for department stores so you can get more expensive foundations etc.

dd972

There's another way of looking at unemployment as in
No Supervisor, No Manager, No 'Centre of the Universe' workplace that you have to drag yourself into every day regardless of whether you feel like it, Not being surrounded by strangers who you see more of than your family and friends, Not being micro managed, scrutinised and having to meet targets, Not being at the random whims and moods of customers or the public, the list goes on.

It's probably better for me as I've hated every job I've had.

The lack of money is the main issue but you don't necessarily need a lot of money to do creative things like learning a language or a musical instrument which would fill your days, and give you a sense of accomplishment no stupid call centre or factory is capable of.