I got kidnapped by a madwoman yesterday.

StormWarrior

Yesterday I was out riding my horse down a lane when a car drove past with a man and woman, aged about 50-something inside. As the car came level with me, the woman stuck her head out of the window and asked, "Is that a young horse? Are you training him?"

I said yes, and she (the driver) got out of the car, leaving the door open and her car abandoned in the lane. She came over and started asking me about the horse, then began berrating me, as if I was a little child, for going out riding on my own, and started saying over and over, "promise me you'll never ride alone again." I answered that I must ride alone as I'm training the horse to go out alone.

She then claimed that my horse seemed very hungry and insisted that I let him graze at the side of the road. I said I didn't want to as it's bad training, and I must be getting on. I started to ride away but she caught up, grabbed the horse by the bridle and started leading him along. I told her to let go because I was trying to teach the horse to go out alone, and it's spoiling his training having someone lead him.

She completely ignored me and carried on dragging us down the lane. Her husband or whoever he was got out of the car and came to watch, leaving the car totally abandoned with the doors wide open. she dragged me a long way to a car park, pushed the horse into the car park and then stood at the entrance, blocking the way so we couldn't get out. She then started giving me a "riding lesson" against my will, making me take the horse round and round in circles, still blocking the entrance so that any time we tried to get past her we couldn't and she would send us round the car park again. Her husband was watching the whole time, smiling as if it was a nice normal day out to see his wife kidnap a total stranger and force her to have a riding lesson against her will. I kept protesting and trying to get past but she ignored my protests.

Finally she took the horse's bridle again and let us back into the lane. Staying ahead of us so that we couldn't get past she kept making me walk a few yards up and down back and forth on the horse. The horse was getting so annoyed being made to do this nonsense that he started jumping and tossing his head. She started giving me stupid advice, saying things like, "When he does that you must say to him 'no, don't toss your head."' Yes, because I'm sure horses understand English. She also told me for no apparent reason, that I should keep turning him round and round in circles to disorientate him but I refused.

Finally, she let me go ahead of her, and then said "Now, turn round and bring him back to me." Since I was clear of her by now I turned round and said, "No, this is just annoying him now, I'm going home." She looked absolutely furious and I rode away as fast as I could. As I was going down the lane I saw a girl from the stables who'd been sent to look for me. The old woman had kept me for such a long time that the people at the stables were worried I might have had an accident. I asked them how long I'd been and it was HOURS.

I told them about the old woman and the immediately recognised her from the description. She's apparently a really mad alcoholic who's always causing trouble and doesn't even ride so certainly should not be forcing strangers to accept riding lessons. There really are some very mad people in this world. So who else has had a run-in with a total nutter?

Merkin

Holy ****balls, she sounds like a total mentalist!

Tasden

I genuinely expected the op to be a long winded joke about horse burgers. Little disappointed.
As for nutters, nothing apart from the odd weirdo wanting a chat when i dont.
That is pretty strange op!

Hamiltonion

Why did you humour her for so long? A curt **** off would've done, you were on horseback ffs!

SEPT 23 1989

Riding your horse down a lane:D

kunst nugget

This story is really just to tell everyone you own a horse, isn't it.

StormWarrior

Hamiltonion wrote: »

Why did you humour her for so long? A curt **** off would've done, you were on horseback ffs!

Half the time she had a firm grip on his bridle and the rest of the time she was blocking our exit.

TheIrishGrover

Tasden wrote: »

I genuinely expected the op to be a long winded joke about horse burgers. Little disappointed.
As for nutters, nothing apart from the odd weirdo wanting a chat when i dont.
That is pretty strange op!

So did I, I thought it was going to be like that Agony Aunt scooby-Doo story.

Mental

MarkR

You're worse for going along with it. Practise with me. "Let go of the damn horse or I'm calling the gardai, you mad nutter ya."

Kylo Ren

StormWarrior wrote: »

and force her to have a riding lesson against her will.

heh

lkionm

She kept you for hours?
Would you not have got to a point after she brought you to the car park or even when she grabbed the horse to shout at her?

Or else walk the horse through her?

If you had a phone, could you not ring someone/guards?

Super-Rush

She was hungry for burgers.

Sergeant

Eh, why didn't you tell her to fúck off?

Hamiltonion

StormWarrior wrote: »

Half the time she had a firm grip on his bridle and the rest of the time she was blocking our exit.

Again you were on horseback. Pretty sure a horse can go through a woman

lkionm

I think as a community we are forced to call bull**** on this one.

StormWarrior

lkionm wrote: »

She kept you for hours?
Would you not have got to a point after she brought you to the car park or even when she grabbed the horse to shout at her?

Or else walk the horse through her?

If you had a phone, could you not ring someone/guards?

I didn't have a phone and the horse won't walk through people, he's young and not trained. I was too caught off guard to shout at her because nothing like that has ever happened to me before and she was acting so authoritative. But I'm prepared now, if I see her again and she tries that again I will tell her to bugger off, but I don't know if she would listen. She completely ignored me when I told her to let me go. I will bring a phone next time and threaten her with the police if necessary.

seamus

And you never thought to dismount and tell her to go fnck herself?

padd b1975

Sergeant wrote: »

Eh, why didn't you tell her to fúck off?

Because it appears the OP has manners.

Fromthetrees

When I was about 12 me and my friends were playing soccer in the park when the ball got kicked over to the local alco's, there was usually 3 lads but this day there was a woman with them (turned out to be one of the felas mothers). This woman in her late 40's summoned us over to give a long speech about respect and working, we just wanted our ball back.

After a while of listening to her one of the lads just said I think you're drunk and can we just get the ball back please, she started frothing at the mouth and left out a sort of sub human growl, paced towards the lad that said it and with the cider from her flaggen splashing all over the place said, "I NEVER DRANK A DAY IN MY LIFE!."

She got into all our faces then saying "HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF DRINKING WITH MY SON HERE, I NEVER DRANK A DAY IN MY LIFE!". This went on for about 10 minutes until we eventually got our ball back.

I can still hear her saying it in my head, looking back I think I can safely say that's the day my childhood ended. Things were never just about soccer, pogs and teenage mutant ninja turtles anymore. That woman took something that I could never get back.

plannerscanner

Fromthetrees wrote: »

When I was about 12 me and my friends were playing soccer in the park when the ball got kicked over to the local alco's, there was usually 3 lads but this day there was a woman with them (turned out to be one of the felas mothers). This woman in her late 40's summoned us over to give a long speech about respect and working, we just wanted our ball back.

After a while of listening to her one of the lads just said I think you're drunk and can we just get the ball back please, she started frothing at the mouth and left out a sort of sub human growl, paced towards the lad that said it and with the cider from her flaggen splashing all over the place said, "I NEVER DRANK A DAY IN MY LIFE!."

She got into all our faces then saying "HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF DRINKING WITH MY SON HERE, I NEVER DRANK A DAY IN MY LIFE!". This went on for about 10 minutes until we eventually got our ball back.

I can still hear her saying it in my head, looking back I think I can safely say that's the day my childhood ended. Things were never just about soccer, pogs and teenage mutant ninja turtles anymore. That woman took something that I could never get back.

A small bit dramatic - it was only your friends mother - see a counsellor, they should be able to wrap up this incident in a bout 5 mins

Czarcasm

StormWarrior wrote: »

I didn't have a phone and the horse won't walk through people, he's young and not trained. I was too caught off guard to shout at her because nothing like that has ever happened to me before and she was acting so authoritative. But I'm prepared now, if I see her again and she tries that again I will tell her to bugger off, but I don't know if she would listen. She completely ignored me when I told her to let me go. I will bring a phone next time and threaten her with the police if necessary.

I can easily understand how you would've been intimidated by the old bat and then her husband looking on, for fear they could've bundled you into the jeep and to hell with the horse, but at least you learned your lesson to always carry a phone with you when you ride out so you don't get caught like this again.

I would've said have the horse rear up and kick her in the face, then gallop off fast as the horse would go, but you sound too polite for that.


Safety first OP, manners second.

StormWarrior

Czarcasm wrote: »

I can easily understand how you would've been intimidated by the old bat and then her husband looking on, for fear they could've bundled you into the jeep and to hell with the horse, but at least you learned your lesson to always carry a phone with you when you ride out so you don't get caught like this again.

I would've said have the horse rear up and kick her in the face, then gallop off fast as the horse would go, but you sound too polite for that.


Safety first OP, manners second.

well, you can't just make a horse rear up and kick someone in the face unfortunately, how would I get the horse to understand I wanted him to do that?

kylith

Did you not have a crop with you? A belt of it and she'd have let go pdq.

Duggy747

Should've drawn your mighty axe and vanquished her, then looted her corpse for any coins / armour.

Balmed Out

Did you have a whip or riding crop?

Plazaman

The toe of a Size 8 riding boot to the mad bats head would sorted that nonsense out straight away.

D'ya remember the good old days when every horse rider would have a whip.....or at least a 9mm Beretta.

StormWarrior

kylith wrote: »

Did you not have a crop with you? A belt of it and she'd have let go pdq.

No, I don't use one.

Why in gods name did you put up with that for hours, just charge at her or find another entrance or refuse to move the horse until she left the entrance.

Czarcasm

StormWarrior wrote: »

well, you can't just make a horse rear up and kick someone in the face unfortunately, how would I get the horse to understand I wanted him to do that?

Well a horse can be taught to rear up on command, or else you can do like I did, well, by accident; headbutt him in the hole-


http://touch.boards.ie/thread/2056836800?page=6

I was about seven or eight and our neighbour used keep horses in a field near us. I decided to copy something I had seen on tv where the guy jumps up on the horse from behind. I took a run at the horse from behind and basically faceplanted his àrse hole. The horse reacted by giving me a swift hind kick into the chest and knocking the wind out of me.

I lay there til I caught my breath and went to get up off the ground. I didn't realise the horse was standing over me and quickly turned around to run. I got about twenty yards with the horse bolting after me before I tripped over a hard cow pat and fell. The horse pummelled my body for what seemed like an age, I thought if I just played dead he'd eventually stop. Horses it seems do not react the same way as bears. They also have incredible stamina. Eventually, he did indeed get tired, and strolled off as if nothing had happened. Miraculously I didn't suffer any broken bones, but my whole body felt like I had just been tenderised by a butchers mallet!

up for anything

I'm at a loss as to why you haven't gone to the Gardaí about this or why the riding stable management haven't encouraged you to report her. That must have been very frightening especially with her husband looking on. You need to prevent something like that happening again - what if the next time it's a couple of children she stops.

Report the incident and her, ffs!

Bad Santa

Were they driving a Honda Civic? if so, you missed an obvious retort.

RossieMan

I have only 1 question in this believable story of yours.


Since when have women been let out of the kitchen?


Nice story OP, maybe you should write a novel. :rolleyes:

a fat guy

Get off your high horse OP.



The next time someone does that to you, that is. And kick them in the face.

9959

I got kidnapped by a madwoman yesterday

Just do your homework in future, and stop acting the goat.

griffdaddy

Am I the only one who thinks the OP sounds like an extract from an Enid Blyton book or something?

Liamario

I've got a technique to deal with such problems-

Now, when someone is grabbing the reigns of the horse you are riding and you do not wish them to do so.

Step 1:
Politely ask them to let go.
(if they refuse, go to step 2)

Step 2:
Tell them to let go. NOW.
(if they refuse, go to step 3)

Step 3:
Tell them that it is their final warning and to let go of the mother ****ing reigns.
(if they refuse, go to step 4)

Step 4:
Slowly take your foot out of the stirrup and then, rapidly extend same foot into their ****ing face. Repeat this extension until they let go of the reigns.

Step 5:
Trot home with your nose held high like a proper toff.

corktina

was she hot?

Jimminy Mc Fukhead

Op that's not very nice names you're giving to corktina's ma. Even if she really is a crazy alcoholic.

michellie

I dont think you can call that kidnapping op.

I would definatly report her! I have very little tolerance for idiots like that lately.

Micky Dolenz

Sounds like she was looking for a ride.

D-FENS

I can empathise, I told my GP about my bareback riding while on holiday in Brazil and he gave me a right scolding

StormWarrior

Liamario wrote: »

I've got a technique to deal with such problems-

Now, when someone is grabbing the reigns of the horse you are riding and you do not wish them to do so.

Step 1:
Politely ask them to let go.
(if they refuse, go to step 2)

Step 2:
Tell them to let go. NOW.
(if they refuse, go to step 3)

Step 3:
Tell them that it is their final warning and to let go of the mother ****ing reigns.
(if they refuse, go to step 4)

Step 4:
Slowly take your foot out of the stirrup and then, rapidly extend same foot into their ****ing face. Repeat this extension until they let go of the reigns.

Step 5:
Trot home with your nose held high like a proper toff.

Good idea, except for one problem. How am I meant to kick her in the face? She was out in front of the horse leading him along, my leg won't reach that far.

corktina wrote: »

was she hot?

If you are attracted to short, obese, grey-haired nutters, then yes, she was a stunner.

Grayson

griffdaddy wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks the OP sounds like an extract from an Enid Blyton book or something?

Yes. Did I miss it or was there someone who is called Fatty and liked it?

Gran Hermano

Sounds like a couple of dementia-ridden pensioners were mixing up dogging with horsing.

Liamario

StormWarrior wrote: »

Good idea, except for one problem. How am I meant to kick her in the face? She was out in front of the horse leading him along, my leg won't reach that far.

Swing around the horses neck like Legolas in LOTR/ a pole dancer and send her flying.

Duvetdays

I read that story and pictured hyacinth bucket leading you around a car park. Why didnt you make the horse rise up like Zorro and hit her with your sword (or riding crop) then you could've galloped off down the lane to the tune of black beauty.

--Kaiser--

You let a mentally unbalanced women drag you and your horse around for HOURS?!!
You're hardly the full shilling yourself, OP

kylith

StormWarrior wrote: »

Good idea, except for one problem. How am I meant to kick her in the face? She was out in front of the horse leading him along, my leg won't reach that far.

That's why you should have been carrying a crop, much easier to manoeuvre than a foot. You don't have to use it on the horse at all.

Bertie Woot

Sounds like a typical alcoholic. Alcoholism is an illness, and those who suffer from it tend to be mentally and emotionally as well as physically ill. That does not excuse her controlling behaviour, and realistically, you could and probably should find out her details and report her to the Garda.

I've had too many experiences with total nutters to mention. If I began relaying them here there wouldn't be enough forum space for anyone else to relay theirs.

Liamario

Bertie Woot wrote: »

Alcoholism is an illness

I don't agree with this.
Alcoholism is an emotional dependency and in no way should be put into the same category as a cancer patient or someone suffering from any real disease.

Any illness from alcohol is caused by over consumption and thus is no different than consuming anything to excess.

Bertie Woot

Liamario wrote: »

I don't agree with this.
Alcoholism is an emotional dependency and in no way should be put into the same category as a cancer patient or someone suffering from any real disease.

Any illness from alcohol is caused by over consumption and thus is no different than consuming anything to excess.

The old alcohol illness debate is a long one, and terms like "illness" and "disease" have been rejected by many people, but most psychiatrists recognise alcoholism as a "dependence syndrome". Alcohol dependence syndrome is a real phenomenon, and it's just an elaborate way of saying "alcoholism". People who suffer from ADS are usually mentally, emotionally and physically ill, as alcoholism is a mental, emotional and physical condition.