No friends

LegacyUser

I don't even know if anyone can help me with this, but it's something that is really dragging me down lately.

I live in my hometown yet there is noone around me. My one good friend lives about an hour away and I rarely see her. Another good friend lives the opposite side of the country. My college mates have scattered around the country too.

I feel completely and utterly isolated. I am involved in groups like musicals and also play football but never seem to make any real friends from these. If there are group nights out, I go but I always feel like an outsider. I'm not someone they come looking for.

I'm not a quiet person, I'm shy at first but then I'm quite chatty. I just feel now like I'm completely stuck and genuinely lonely and I can't see a way out.

I'm busy most nights of the week so it's the weekends that really get to me. I'm beginning to feel like there's something wrong with me. Everyone else I know my age has people they can go out with, go to the cinema with, go for a walk with, shopping etc...

I feel at this stage, that apart from my immediate family, that if I disappeared noone would even notice and that's a horrible feeling.

I know people suggest joining groups etc... but I have tried that to no avail. As I said, and it sounds like I'm pitying myself, but noone genuinely ever thinks of me.

I know I'm not a bad person. I'd like to think I'm nice and funny and good craic but my self esteem is just getting lower and lower.

Again, apologies for the self pitying tone of this post, I'm just in a really bad place about it all. I'm trying to be positive, and I'm trying to be proactive but it's getting me nowhere.

Any advice would be really appreciated, especially from people in a similar position.

Thanks so much

Wibbs

You'll get better answers here B

CBFi

I know you've said that joining groups hasn't worked but have you joined the likes of macra? It's just that a lot of people join for the reason that they are now living at home and everyone else is gone due to the economy. I agree that it would be difficult to make social friends in a drama group as people are there just to take part but with a social club/ organisation people are there for the craic and to make friends. I know you must be feeling isolated but remember that this is temporary and you will make friends. Keep the chin up OP-the problem is the situation, not you!

Daisy78

If can be difficult to meet new friends after college, even if you are outgoing and chatty. It may be that the people you have met are not the right type of people for you. I also find that it can take a lot longer to build a rapport with people when you know them through social groups rather than mates you've made in college as you don't spend as much time with them. The only advice I can give you is to keep trying New things out and eventually things will come good. Also a lot of people find themeselves in this situation at one time or another so you are not alone. You sound like a lovely person and you deserve more than you have now so persevere. Good luck.

IrishEyes19

Would you consider moving to a city? Getting a job there maybe. I found when I moved home, it was really hard, had moved on from my friends there and felt very isolated from my friends in college who were still living in the city.

sashafierce

This post has been deleted.

jo8619

hey i just wanted to ad that im in a similar position. When I was 16 i moved out of home and all my school 'friends' stayed put and most of them had early pregnancies and it kinda isolated them from me as all their buddies where parents. I had a best friend when i was younger but she totally screwed me over and i know i have trust issues because i don't ever want to let people in too close. Then i went to college but i always found myself getting on with guys better than girls. I can always just relax with them, never worry about what im wearing or how i look and i can have the craic with them. Anyway, most of them fell when we all started going out with people. Now iv been living in a new place for nearly 5 years with my BF. it's grand but sometimes i feel so alone like i really want a good friend who's into the same nerdy stuff im into, with a weird sense of humour like mine. I try really hard to bond with my bf's female friends but i find that they are a bit stand off-ish when it comes to new girls joining the gang and really stick with themselves. plus they only talk about things i have zero interest in like weight watchers!! i do try get in on the conversation and am polite but that's about it!! And yet again i find myself able to have more/better craic with HIS buddies. it's really hard because i know i can be shy-ish and i don't just say sh!t for the sake of saying it and i know im into things that are nerdy and maybe a little ladish but i've always been a tomboy!! but at the same time i know i can be chatty and have fun! it's just annoying and tough to not be able to make a good connection with others girls or even find people with similar interests. Maybe there should be a forum for all us "loners" and if people are from the same area maybe friendships can be made?? I don't know... I also find it hard to i suppose impose myself on someone, i mean i can never 'make the first more' when it comes to friendships because i feel nervous and insecure all the time!!!

jo8619

oh plus i think it's a lot easier for guys!! i mean they can chat to a guy they don't know and if say they are into XBOX well straight away they can play online together and gradually build a friendship... there is nothing like that for girls....(unless a gang of girls are gamers!!)

Lenmeister

It's not as easy as you think, and what about all the guys that don't play games. Girls are naturally a lot more sociable than guys. I also think many guys would find it weird if another guy asked for their number. Like you were gay and hitting on them or something, which is just rediculous.

The fact of the matter is that it can be really hard to make friends. I know I certainly do. OP if you're finding it really hard, try joining local clubs or societies, get involved in in things that interest you that are social activities. Arts and crafts, charities etc. If you're finding that none of that is helping and you're not getting anywhere, then I'd suggest it's time to move to another city. A bigger city, maybe even another country. If what you're doing now isn't working for you, change it, don't let it drag you down and don't waste precious time. Remember this is your life, don't waste it.