Bradley Wiggins - Britain’s greatest living wit.

ednwireland

Olympic cycling champion Bradley Wiggins has landed yet another title - Britain’s greatest living wit.
More than 2,000 British adults were asked to choose from a shortlist of 25 celebrities, excluding professional comedians, to select the funniest person.

http://www.irishexaminer.com/breakingnews/entertainment/wiggins-the-wittiest-584031.html

top 5

1. Sir Bradley Wiggins
Asked about how he’s anticipating one of the punishing Tour de France climbs in the Pyrenees – “It goes uphill like all the others, doesn’t it?”

2. Boris Johnson
During London 2012: “’Inspire a generation’ is our motto. Not necessarily ’Create a generation’…which is what they sometimes get up to in the Olympic village.”

3. Ian Holloway
After QPR beat Cardiff: “I couldn’t be more chuffed if I were a badger at the start of the mating season.”

4. Lord Sugar
To Apprentice candidates: “I’ve read all your CVs and on paper you all look good, but so does fish and chips.”

5. Jeremy Clarkson
“I don’t understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to places quicker than I do?”

Fender76

I think there was a typo on 'wit'...;)

doozerie

How on earth does Jeremy Clarkson make it into the top 5 (of anything)? It gives me some satisfaction though to see that he was beaten by a cyclist.

Lumen

No David Mitchell? WTF?

daragh_

No Brooker either. Surely some mistake.

Paul Kiernan

I like Number 5. I'd like it even more if he was referring to cycle lanes.

OldPeculier

doozerie wrote: »

How on earth does Jeremy Clarkson make it into the top 5 (of anything)? It gives me some satisfaction though to see that he was beaten by a cyclist.

Basically, if spout out enough sh1te eventually something you have said will be considered to have been witty by someone somwhere.

on_the_nickel

That's a pretty sh!tty shortlist to come top of.

Hermy

Lumen wrote: »

No David Mitchell? WTF?

It clearly stipulates no professional comedians.:rolleyes:

petethedrummer

This list wouldn't make it into my top 5 lists.

Ole Rodrigo

Even a few random Brooker quotes are streets ahead :

On Glastonbury " Imagine forcing the cast of Emmerdale to hurriedly construct Las Vegas at gunpoint in the rain. That's Glastonbury."

On the Coronation Street theme tune:" The aural equivalent of having half-chewed, week-old Battenberg cake dribbled into your ear canal by a senile grandparent "

On Ross Kemp: "The moment Kemp walks onscreen he enters into a demented staring competition with everyone else in the room, including the viewers at home. He could out-stare a man with two glass eyes. "

On talent shows: " A bit like watching a programme in which children queue up to be punched in the face by Father Christmas. Absolutely riveting for all the wrong reasons. "

humbert

I assume it excludes comedians? Bit of a slap in the face otherwise.

Hermy

More than 2,000 British adults were asked to choose from a shortlist of 25 celebrities, excluding professional comedians, to select the funniest person.

daragh_ wrote: »

No Brooker either. Surely some mistake.

ror_74 wrote: »

Even a few random Brooker quotes are streets ahead :

humbert wrote: »

I assume it excludes comedians? Bit of a slap in the face otherwise.

:rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes:

Lumen

Hermy wrote: »

:rolleyes:

Nobody reads anything properly on Fridays.

mitosis

Gordon Strachan eclipses all of those, in my opinion.

"When he [Claus Lundekvam] was carried off at Leicester someone asked me if he was unconscious, but I didn't have a clue. He's always like that....."

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there....

"At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson." On Wayne Rooney

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

lennymc

Lumen wrote: »

Nobody reads anything properly on Fridays.

I agree. The weather is shocking.

Kav0777

lennymc wrote: »

I agree. The weather is shocking.

I got a puncture too.

Ole Rodrigo

Lumen wrote: »

Nobody reads anything properly on Fridays.

Originally Posted by Hermy
:rolleyes:

CB isn't really a comedian, in fairness:

Wikipedia

( Charlie Brooker )is an English humourist, satirist, critic, journalist, author, screenwriter, producer, presenter and broadcaster who works across television, radio, print and online media.

That could be Clarkesons entry. Anyways, Sid Wadell, honorary mention:;)

"Bristow reasons . . . Bristow quickens ... Aaah, Bristow."

"Jockey Wilson . . . What an athlete.""

"That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!

"He's playing out of his pie crust."

"They won't just have to play outta their skin to beat Phil Taylor.They'll
have to play outta their essence!"

"Darts players are probably a lot fitter than most footballers in overall
body strength."

"There's no one quicker than these two tungsten tossers..."

"He's about as predictable as a Wasp on speed "

"Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a waterbuffalo with a
pea-shooter"

"The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in, with a portion of chips...
you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them "

Hermy

Lumen wrote: »

Nobody reads anything properly on Fridays.

Sorry - I thought it was Thursday.