Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie
Hi there,
There is an issue with role permissions that is being worked on at the moment.
If you are having trouble with access or permissions on regional forums please post here to get access: https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058365403/you-do-not-have-permission-for-that#latest

Toxic family

  • 06-02-2013 11:30pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    A situation has arisen recently where a toxic member of my extended family requires help due to a number of issues (some self inflicted, some not). While I feel a certain amount of sympathy over the issues she did not herself create, I will not help her for a variety of reasons, including self preservation. I feel no guilt over this due to the family history & the fact that I don't believe that family are best placed to help.

    However there are other members of my family who I think may be induced to help to a greater or lesser extent & that concerns me. Depending on the level of help, these are issues that could have serious adverse effects, at the very least cause significant amounts of unnecessary stress. I've expressed my opinion that it isn't a good idea to take this problem on themselves but obviously I can't make their decisions for them.

    Has anyone been in a similar situation? At what point do you say "These family members are adults, their decisions are their own as are the consequences." and let go of any associated guilt?


Comments

  • #2
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    It depends on the severity of the problem, and if it has a knock on effect on any of your family.

    What you've said is a little vague, and it's hard to give advice on what you said. If it effected any of my family I would probably make an exception.


  • #3
    daisybelle2008
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,403 ✭✭✭daisybelle2008


    ToxicQuery wrote: »

    At what point do you say "These family members are adults, their decisions are their own as are the consequences." and let go of any associated guilt?

    ?

    Immediately, it is none of your business, if others want to help her that is their business, you have no right imposing your views on them. How would you like them pushing you into helping her? You wouldn't like it one bit I'd imagine. So respect their choice. All decisions have 'consequences' and people are entitled to make their own. just because you don't want to help the person doesn't mean you know what's best and everyone should do things your way. Just be careful that your ego not guilt is influencing you even considering dictating that other people should do as you are doing because of your negative judgements of the person.


  • #4
    IrishEyes19
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,861 ✭✭✭IrishEyes19


    your post is really vague. From the outset I would say dont get involved anymore. I mean this kindly, but helping someone should be from a genuine interest and concern for that individual and with good grace and no offence, but you dont seem to exhibit any. that is of course you're own choice and you are entitled to it.


Advertisement