Suspect 2nd date

Dimitri82

Hello everyone,
I'm new to boards so apologies in advance if this has been discussed already before. I would just like a few objective opinions.
I went on my first online date a while back. Girl was nice and seemed interesting. Date went grand. About 3 hours chatting with a few beers. Very little awkwardness. Plenty of common interests/attitudes. Left it with hug and kiss on cheek. Hadn't really been enough physical contact to warrant a gob lob. We kept in contact after and went on a second date to the cinema a few nights back. Good chat before film and all going well. After she suggested grabbing a drink somewhere. I agreed and we headed off to a place we both know. But it was jammed so we had to go somewhere else further away. The chat was still ok but got the feeling the wheels were starting to come off. When we got to the next bar the vibe in the place wasn't great (funny smell etc). The chat was ok but not as free flowing as previous night. She was off the beer after indulging too much last week. A few bits of banter and showing photos to each other but overall less comfortable. Left with hug and kiss on the cheek.
Now it's obviously only been two dates and it's not the end of the world if we don't go out again. But that said I'd hate to let 20 mins of a bad date spoil something that might have potential. Anyone ever had a bad second date and managed to pull it put of the fire or is it better to cut your losses and forget about it?
P.s. I know each situation is unique but just curious about general consensus.

Thanks

Pps if this is in the wrong forum maybe someone would point me in the right direction

Merkin

An evening at the pictures followed by a brief sober interlude in a smelly pub is not really conducive to merry-making or banter to be fair. I wouldn't not ask her out again based on what were simply bad choices.

Ask her out again and either go out for a nice meal or go to a fun event where you can interact and have fun together. I wouldn't go to the cinema on a second date, you really need to be getting to know one another rather than sitting there in silence.

LegacyUser

Might it be that you've already run out of things to talk about.

Sometimes you get on great with someone because all of what they say is new to you and vice versa.

It's all pretty interesting due to the newness. Add in the desire for the date to go well and the fact that the other person is attractive.

On later dates then it might just be that you don't have rapport and can't spark a conversation out of nothing - previously it was all questions and answers (where do you work? Where did you go to college? etc) but now you're relying on both personalities to work together.

Dimitri82

Yeah that's certainly a possibility. But I got the feeling earlier on that we'd made a smooth enough transition from 'What do you do?' type stuff to more everyday chat. Usually I'd go with my gut in these situations but in that respect I'm still really on the fence. If it continued as the last date ended it would be a no-brainer and that would be that. But to be honest I find the whole formality of 'First Dates' and 'Second Dates' etc a bit awkward. And I get the inkling that if some of that awkwardness was removed and constant chat wasn't necessary we'd probably get on pretty well and have more fun (as dysfunctional as it sounds maybe a 'merrier' Friday evening rather than a sober Tuesday evening) But maybe the horse has already bolted. I'm not sure.

ManOfMystery

I'd say a 3rd date will tell you one way or another. You've nothing to lose at this point, there's been nothing more than kisses on the cheek so far so go out and have a good night anyway (with no huge expectations) and make your decision then.

LegacyUser

If you are on the fence then yeah, go on a fun date and if you're not feeling it after then leave it.

Go with your gut. I have found that it was always right.

IrishEyes19

do you fancy her? Is there a spark. I know from dates I've been on, that at the end of the date if I fancy them, I'm leaning towards a proper kiss and even if it doesnt turn out that way, Im hoping the next date, we'll get there. so do you feel that? When you chat, are you really interested or looking down into your drink for inspiration and something to talk about.

just asking because dates are all about finding out if you are compatible and its either there or isnt there. you dont learn to fancy someone Im afraid, you feel it.

Lorna123

I just think that running from one pub to another and then for the second one not to have been that great spoiled the atmosphere and you couldn't get it back, but I think that is all it is, a glitch. Best thing for you to do next is invite her out for a Fri/Sat night where you will have plenty of time to have a few drinks and go with the flow. This should work and if it doesn't then you will know for sure what you are dealing with.

miamee

Cinema probably wasn't the best idea for a second date tbh. As someone else already said, do something where you can talk. An activity type of date might work better as you are occupied doing something as well as chatting in between so there is no big pressure to talk continuously from the minute you meet up or to fill any natural lulls in the conversation.

Go for the third date, third time's a charm