Eye contact and social anxiety

LegacyUser

Hey,

Just wondering if anyone who suffers from the following could offer suggestions as to what they did to try and overcome these problems:

So, I have serious issues with eye contact, anything more than a couple of seconds makes me a nervous wreck. In fact, I feel a surge of nervousness build in my body until my mind is actually screaming to look away. At some points I get so nervous that my mouth even feels like it's twitching!! Aside from this issue, I'm a perfectly normal person, fairly intelligent, competent and well-presented. I just can't shake this awkwardness that reduces me to the behaviour of a ten year old...

This also seems to happen to me with everyone beyond a couple of close friends. The only time I don't experience this issue is after having 2 or 3 drinks, then everything is fine, so based on this I'm quite sure it's a result of low confidence / self esteem and so on.

I'm not looking for medical advice and I'm aware that a GP visit would probably help in speeding up getting over this, but, I don't have the money for multiple CBT trips at this time. Has anyone got any techniques they use or the name of any books they've read that offers methods to combat such an issue?

I'm tired of having to go through this over and over again, and want rid of it now. Any advice would be a great help!

S

Aoifums

Don't look in their eyes. I know it sounds incredibly obvious but that's my thing. I loathe eye contact and I don't think even my family even notice. Looking at someone's nose, their mouth as they're talking, the freckle underneath their eye. Focus on some facial feature (obviously not a scar or a mole because that could make them uncomfortable) and stick with it.
I think I keep my eyes on the mouth as people are talking and then raise my eyes slightly to stare beneath theirs as I'm replying.

Honestly, I think it's worth working out why you can't make eye contact. I know I've never been able to figure it out but I'd still like to know. If you used to be able to do it and now you find you can't, you really should look into it. I've made my peace but I used to stress over it a lot.

SirDelboy18

Shaky5 wrote: »

Hey,

Just wondering if anyone who suffers from the following could offer suggestions as to what they did to try and overcome these problems:

So, I have serious issues with eye contact, anything more than a couple of seconds makes me a nervous wreck. In fact, I feel a surge of nervousness build in my body until my mind is actually screaming to look away. At some points I get so nervous that my mouth even feels like it's twitching!! Aside from this issue, I'm a perfectly normal person, fairly intelligent, competent and well-presented. I just can't shake this awkwardness that reduces me to the behaviour of a ten year old...

This also seems to happen to me with everyone beyond a couple of close friends. The only time I don't experience this issue is after having 2 or 3 drinks, then everything is fine, so based on this I'm quite sure it's a result of low confidence / self esteem and so on.

I'm not looking for medical advice and I'm aware that a GP visit would probably help in speeding up getting over this, but, I don't have the money for multiple CBT trips at this time. Has anyone got any techniques they use or the name of any books they've read that offers methods to combat such an issue?

I'm tired of having to go through this over and over again, and want rid of it now. Any advice would be a great help!

S

Make a habit of trying to memorise the eye colour of whoever you happen to be talking to. It should improve from there.

gerryd2

Start off by using eye contact on people your comfortable around. Like say your best friend or a family member and then slowly work your way into strangers or people you just met. After awhile you'll feel more comfortable holding eye contact for long periods of time.

LegacyUser

You just described the way i have been feeling for the last two years except i get the twitch in different places on my face. Sometimes i try so hard to make normal eye contact that i get an uncomfortable pressure in my head and feel like i am twitching badly. I get paranoid then because i think the person im talking to can notice and it makes it even worse.

Like you, i also have a few close friends that i feel comfortable around but If im going to an event or meeting up with new groups of people i think about it for days and worry that they will notice the twitch. So alot of the time i make sure i have a few drinks before going(i dont recommend this at all as it gives you fake confidence).Im still not sure if its all in my head or if it does really happen but either way its not a nice feeling.

It kind of disappeared for about 5 months and i felt great,but it slowly came back . I find that it gets worse when i am stressed or after a night of heavy drinking.

Walking and exercising are great stress relievers and both have really helped me so i would definitely recommend it .Also, deep breathing can help. breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth a few times, really focusing on relaxing and telling yourself that you are relaxed.I know it sounds silly but it has helped me a couple of times.

Im sorry for robbing your thread but its a relief to know that im not alone. My problem is probably alot worse than yours but just remember that you can get through it

BBDBB

look at the bridge of the other persons nose when you need eye contact, to them it feels like eye contact but is easier on you

also watching peoples mouths during talking is fine too

siobhanlleher

Shaky5 wrote: »

Hey,

Just wondering if anyone who suffers from the following could offer suggestions as to what they did to try and overcome these problems:

So, I have serious issues with eye contact, anything more than a couple of seconds makes me a nervous wreck. In fact, I feel a surge of nervousness build in my body until my mind is actually screaming to look away. At some points I get so nervous that my mouth even feels like it's twitching!! Aside from this issue, I'm a perfectly normal person, fairly intelligent, competent and well-presented. I just can't shake this awkwardness that reduces me to the behaviour of a ten year old...

This also seems to happen to me with everyone beyond a couple of close friends. The only time I don't experience this issue is after having 2 or 3 drinks, then everything is fine, so based on this I'm quite sure it's a result of low confidence / self esteem and so on.

I'm not looking for medical advice and I'm aware that a GP visit would probably help in speeding up getting over this, but, I don't have the money for multiple CBT trips at this time. Has anyone got any techniques they use or the name of any books they've read that offers methods to combat such an issue?

I'm tired of having to go through this over and over again, and want rid of it now. Any advice would be a great help!

S

Hi there,

Sorry to hear you are suffering with this.

Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness by Gillian Butler may help you. There is also a DVD about social anxiety by Ron Rapee. These are both CBT.

If you are in Dublin there is Social Anxiety Ireland. They offer treatment for reasonable prices as far as I know.

Go to your GP anyway, she/he might be able to refer to a primary care psychology service if there is one in your area. Pcp offers free counselling.

Beware of gp prescribing medication before trying books or counselling.

I really hope this helps.

volauvent

For some people medication works well to take the edge off the feeling of extreme sensitivity/self consciousness. An SSRI I mean so don't rule it out.

ls91

Shaky5 wrote: »

Hey,

Just wondering if anyone who suffers from the following could offer suggestions as to what they did to try and overcome these problems:

So, I have serious issues with eye contact, anything more than a couple of seconds makes me a nervous wreck. In fact, I feel a surge of nervousness build in my body until my mind is actually screaming to look away. At some points I get so nervous that my mouth even feels like it's twitching!! Aside from this issue, I'm a perfectly normal person, fairly intelligent, competent and well-presented. I just can't shake this awkwardness that reduces me to the behaviour of a ten year old...

This also seems to happen to me with everyone beyond a couple of close friends. The only time I don't experience this issue is after having 2 or 3 drinks, then everything is fine, so based on this I'm quite sure it's a result of low confidence / self esteem and so on.

I'm not looking for medical advice and I'm aware that a GP visit would probably help in speeding up getting over this, but, I don't have the money for multiple CBT trips at this time. Has anyone got any techniques they use or the name of any books they've read that offers methods to combat such an issue?

I'm tired of having to go through this over and over again, and want rid of it now. Any advice would be a great help!

S

Check out the aware courses online. They do free ones I think and have printables. Haven't looked at it myself yet but was talking to someone who said they really helped I'm also incapable of makig eye contact its so annoying. Didn't notice I had a problem with it until a boyfriend pointed it out about 2 years ago after which point I got steadily worse!

Pandora2

I had a very disturbing incidence some Years back, I was under huge stress, working long hours and lot's of heavy duty stuff going on! At work and under pressure, I started to blink rapidly whenever anyone looked into my face, it was like I was stopping them from making eye contact! I was close friends with the girl I shared my office with and my boss was there and when only they were around it calmed down.. I went for a smoke and the minute someone other than my companions engaged me it started again with a vengeance, my boss covered it by saying I had got something in my eye but it just kept going....in the end they had to contact my OH as they had no idea what to do. Meanwhile I'm thinking, what if I'm left like this, what if it never stops!!

The panic was indescribable and I am sure it contributed to the severity of this tic!! Hubby was taking me home by car and I was trying to make him understand teat it felt like my eyes were windows and they wanted to be shut!! I kid you not, I am perspiring now with the thought! I had a couple of sleeping tablets and some mild sedatives at home and took a small amount initially increasing the dosage as I gauged the symptoms subsidence. It took quite a dose to get my shoulders down! Eventually it passed with sleep and shaken as I was, I got on with my life! Thankfully it never happened again, some 5 Years later! I'd be interested to know if anyone has ever had a similar experience? I remember it vividly!!

ls91

Here's a link to one of the courses, it is free http://www.aware.ie/help/life-skills-online-programme-information/

singsong321

In the long haul, avoiding eye contact will not help, it will only feed your SA. If your looking for a programme to follow than I'd suggest purchasing "Mind Over Mood". The book is easy to follow and might give you more insight into your probems. Also try doing meditation exercises everyday. You can download free podscasts on Itunes.

Call Me Jimmy

What is a normal amount of eye contact? I am quite similar in that as soon as I am looking at a person and they are looking at me I just have to look away immediately. I'd be afraid of looking like a psychopath if I held it for long and it also feels like I'm naked when eye contact is made.

Would people usually look directly at someones eyes during a conversation?