boyfriend sent me message by accident

LegacyUser

Hi All,

Ok in short .With my boyfriend 5 years now. yesterday he sent me a text message saying " Mmmm yep up ava great body, u ava great sense of humour and don't tink i didn't notice ur clever also. is ther any end to your talents my dear Debra"

This was not for me so I text him back real quick. he text me back saying it was his mate dave texting another girl from his phone because he had no credit. I dont' believe that and my gut feeling tells me it was him...

But what do I do now. He denied it to the last and I ask him to go if he had any respect for me and he told me to get a grip, that if he wanted to go, he'd go and that it wasn't him who sent the text

ShowMeTheCash

I know of similar stories, wrong message to current gf... And the excuse your bf is using is exactly the same as the one my buddy used also....


I guess you have a tough scenario.... If it was his mate, then you should be allowed to question it... i.e. See his messages, talk to him mate and or text Debra...
However even with all this, it could have covered his tracks....

From a guys perspective, I have known people to text provocatively, it's not nice and it is a betrayal of trust.... But do you think anything else has actually happened? End of the day you know him 5 years, do you trust him?

CaraMay

The auld 'my friend did it' excuse.... Why would his friend use his phone seriously? Id be taking some time out op. Something is suss here and its not only his attitude when questioned...

ManOfMystery

'My mate sent it' is the oldest excuse in the book.

Animord

If a mate had sent it it would have said, "this is xxx using xxx's phone"

Abi

Animord wrote: »

If a mate had sent it it would have said, "this is xxx using xxx's phone"

This ^^

Also his angry reaction and making it look like you're being irrational by telling you to get a grip screams of guilt.

Confront him again, and if he lies again there will never be trust, honesty, or respect in this relationship again.

Sounds like he's got the itch.

ViveLaVie

Sounds like a ridiculous lie. Why would his friend use his phone to send unimportant messages like that? The normal thing to do would be to wait until he had credit again to text this girl. If it was genuine (which I highly doubt) your bf should have had no problem showing you his messages and been earnest in showing you the truth.

I'd break up with him tbh.

Esoteric_

Aside from what's already been said, I don't think ANY friend would use their mate's phone and send a message talking about how great somebody's body is.

Plus, if he was using your boyfriend's phone, why would he send it to you? Would you have been on your boyfriend's 'last texted' list? 'Cause that's usually a separate option to the 'enter number' option....

judgefudge

Sounds like a lie. And I know you asked him to tell you the truth if he had any respect for you. But if he is cheating why do you think he'd show you respect? He hasn't so far. Take your time to reevaluate the relationship and whether you trust him.

ABajaninCork

He's lying like a rug! As others have said, if his mate was using the phone, they would've started the msg by introducing themselves...

His reaction is a bit of a giveaway IMO. Attack is the best form of defence and all that.

Ball's now in your court OP. You've known him 5 years. Do you trust him enough to let this go? Or do you trust him enough to let him go?

nowyouresix

Sorry OP but I'd say he's telling you a pack of lies. He probably is on some dating site or other. He's probably not going to tell you the truth, or incriminate himself any further. Only you know whether you can continue this relationship, but if it were me I wouldn't suffer it on.
Best of luck.

fits

Girl.. you have to dump his ass.

osheen

As a guy we have sent messages like this from mates phones.
usually late on a saturday night though

Ham Sambo

storm in a tea cup, looks like he was sending this to perhaps a girl-friend of his??

Overheal

Do people still "have no credit"?

This was a real popular excuse 10 years ago. How the **** does it still make sense today??

fits

I'd dump him. If it really was a genuine mistake (which is completely unlikely) he'll go out of his way to prove it. There is no way you can let him away with this.

2rkehij30qtza5

ManOfMystery wrote: »

'My mate sent it' is the oldest excuse in the book.

Have to agree here. I remember an ex I used to go out with had a friend who was always at this crack...my ex used to be telling me stories how his friend's girlfriend got texts by accident from her boyf and my ex would have to be the fall-guy, pretending they were from him and he'd no credit (before we got together!). So yeah, it's the oldest trick in the book!!!

ElleEm

It certainly sounds fishy!

What about the style of writing, the text speak and the terms used- are they the types of things he would write? There are people I would text regularly (my boyfriend, best friend, mother, brothers, etc.) and I wouldn't even need to read their name as I recognise the "tone" of the message to be theirs, (punctuation, wording, spelling).

The defensiveness would be a red flag for me.
Does your name begin with D? Just wondering if he had this Debra saved into his phone and hit your name by accident.
Do you know his mate Dave? Would you trust him?

ilovesleep

I read your op and the message you re-wrote in your op and to be honest I cringed a bit reading it. Is it not a bit sleazy?

So lets persume for a moment that your boyfriend is genuine and that his friend did indeed send it. Is that not very bizarre? That he'd send a message containing sleaze from someone else's phone. If I was to send a message containing sleaze, I wouldn't be using someone elses phone to do it. I'd be waiting to get credit to send something like that (i'm female though).

I agree with the rest of these people here. Something is not sitting right with me with that.

dellas1979

Regardless OP of what we think here, if something isnt sitting right with you, it means something is wrong. Dont ignore it or let him sweep it under the carpet - too many times people dont go with their gut (for fear of opening a tin of worms).

Dont let him fob you off or turn it against you - you havent done anything wrong here.

GRMA

Animord wrote: »

If a mate had sent it it would have said, "this is xxx using xxx's phone"

Not if his friend had sent messages from the phone before, maybe that was the second or third message sent

Whispered

Overheal wrote: »

Do people still "have no credit"?

This was a real popular excuse 10 years ago. How the **** does it still make sense today??

Yes people do still "have no credit". I haven't had credit for a few weeks now. It makes sense today because not everybody can afford to keep their phones topped up all the time. I don't understand your confusion.

In saying that I still think the OP's boyfriend is lying. It doesn't sound like the type of message someone would send from someone elses phone.

Animord

GRMA wrote: »

Not if his friend had sent messages from the phone before, maybe that was the second or third message sent

Possibly, but then he'd probably have the previous messages in his sent items. And if he wasn't up to something the natural thing would have been to tell the OP to look at his phone and see the previous message where the person explained who they are and what they were doing.

Knex*

There is no way any guy is gonna write something like that from a mate's phone. They would have the piss taken out of them unmercifully for a hell of a long time.

He's lying anyway IMO.

dollypet

Lying dog of a man I'd say.
If he was not involved he'd have keep the exchange and showed it to you.

If I was the person who did this- the person who sent the text- I'd be eager to show that my story is true.

But I think its just that- a story.

Also if he expects you to believe this pile of poo without proof he is insulting your intelligence IMO

ilovesleep

Something else I thought of too about this -

If his mate truly did send the text, isn't there a very high risk that the person that the text was for would reply back to that phone - as in to your boyfriends phone. The risk of her replying in a similiar fashion is too high and that would be mortifing: 'i miss your handsome face' or some such crap.

Borrowing someones phone to send a text would really have to be for a case of emergency or for arrangements and not for idle lovey dovey chat.

trio

You need to find out who Debra is.

PrincessPreach

Overheal wrote: »

Do people still "have no credit"?

This was a real popular excuse 10 years ago. How the **** does it still make sense today??

Huh? I have no credit right now...i might buy some later...why does that not make sense?

Abi

The excuse is more absurd the more I think of it, it's an insult to the womans intelligence.

Overheal

PrincessPreach wrote: »

Huh? I have no credit right now...i might buy some later...why does that not make sense?

SMS is virtually free in the current US phone market. Unless you're on a really simple flip-phone plan, pretty much all carriers provide unlimited texting.

Toast4532

Overheal wrote: »

SMS is virtually free in the current US phone market. Unless you're on a really simple flip-phone plan, pretty much all carriers provide unlimited texting.

Just because most (if not all) providers have phone plans with free texts y mean that the OP, her bf or her bf's friend are on any of those plans, I know plenty of people who still get credit when they run out.

As for her bf and the message, I wouldn't think his friend sent it, I would think her bf was sending it to Debra, and I would definitely confront him and demand to see his message to and from Debra.

"My mate sent it" pffft :rolleyes:

December2012

You aren't happy with the way he spoke to you after.

IF! If its as innocent as he claims why would he be annoyed at you?

Trust your instincts OP.

michael999999

canitbetrue wrote: »

Hi All,

Ok in short .With my boyfriend 5 years now. yesterday he sent me a text message saying " Mmmm yep up ava great body, u ava great sense of humour and don't tink i didn't notice ur clever also. is ther any end to your talents my dear Debra"

This was not for me so I text him back real quick. he text me back saying it was his mate dave texting another girl from his phone because he had no credit. I dont' believe that and my gut feeling tells me it was him...

But what do I do now. He denied it to the last and I ask him to go if he had any respect for me and he told me to get a grip, that if he wanted to go, he'd go and that it wasn't him who sent the text

Surely the only way he text you by Mistake is if he has debras number stored in hes phone.

Surely if he's friend was using the phone he would have keyed in the phone number individually, as opposed to saving her as a contact.

chickenbutt

Overheal wrote: »

SMS is virtually free in the current US phone market. Unless you're on a really simple flip-phone plan, pretty much all carriers provide unlimited texting.

OP may not be in the US. I have unlimited texting on my US phone (Verizon) but always top up with my Irish phone (Meteor) when I am visiting. Plenty of people are on PAYG.

Agree with everyone here, that excuse is lame and overused!

Brussels Sprout

ElleEm wrote: »

It certainly sounds fishy!

What about the style of writing, the text speak and the terms used- are they the types of things he would write? There are people I would text regularly (my boyfriend, best friend, mother, brothers, etc.) and I wouldn't even need to read their name as I recognise the "tone" of the message to be theirs, (punctuation, wording, spelling).

The defensiveness would be a red flag for me.
Does your name begin with D? Just wondering if he had this Debra saved into his phone and hit your name by accident.
Do you know his mate Dave? Would you trust him?

this +1000

The fact that it was written in txtspk is even more of a fingerprint as different people will abbreviate words in their own unique way. For example whoever wrote this message goes to to the trouble of putting the apostrophe after the 'n' in don't but then uses 'ava' and 'u' which is kinda interesting and should be easy to match up to your boyfriend's texts to yourself.

xzanti

Brussels Sprout wrote: »

this +1000

The fact that it was written in txtspk is even more of a fingerprint as different people will abbreviate words in their own unique way. For example whoever wrote this message goes to to the trouble of putting the apostrophe after the 'n' in don't but then uses 'ava' and 'u' which is kinda interesting and should be easy to match up to your boyfriend's texts to yourself.

I'm not sure if the whole 'Txt spk' thing is really that much of a factor in this.. don't people take on an alias sometimes if they're having an affair, specially online..

So I don't think it would be completely absurd to think that they may also take on an alter ego... i.e. changing their general behavior when conversing with someone new, be it online, by text or even in person..

IMHO..

kylith

Even if he did have Debra's number on his phone he's probably removed every trace of her by now to cover his tracks. It's going to come down to your own gut feeling OP, but honestly 'my mate did it' is right up there with 'the cheque's in the post' and 'my dog ate my homework'.

desertcircus

If it was exactly as he described, he wouldn't be annoyed or angry about it. He'd be fully aware of how incredibly dodgy it looked and would immediately showing you the messages that proved it was his friend sending them.

gypsy_rose

A long time ago, I woke up very hungover at about 11am and realised I'd lost my phone. Text my boyfriend to tell him I'd lost it and I'd meet him at a local bar that night as we'd already made plans to meet up. When we met he was acting very strangely and asked exactly what I was doing the night before. Turns out when I lost my phone someone picked it up, looked through the message, and as a spiteful joke text my boyfriend pretending to be me saying I was with someone else and he should **** off. I was shocked when this happened and did everything I could to prove to him that it wasn't me and this didn't happen. Thankfully he believed me, he was surprised that I would do something like that anyways, but my point in this long story is that if something like this happens you do everything you can to prove your innocence and don't just fob your OH off and make them feel paranoid. You have a right to be very suspicious about that text, especially since the idiot actually wrote another girls name in it. If he can't prove it was his friend, I'd say get rid. I'm not sure exactly how he would prove it wasn't him, but there's always a way. Has he ever done something like before? It does often seem to be the case that people cheat more than once.

Katy89

gypsy_rose wrote: »

Thankfully he believed me, he was surprised that I would do something like that anyways, but my point in this long story is that if something like this happens you do everything you can to prove your innocence and don't just fob your OH off and make them feel paranoid.

was just about to write you, but the above sentence sums it up.

was he desperate to prove to you he didn't send it, means calling his mate who he accused of sending the text immediately or anything like that?

if not, it was him and I would not feel comfortable in sucha relationship anymore.

ManOfMystery

It's difficult to prove if he was lying or not about the SMS, though as I said before, it's the oldest excuse in the book and I wouldn't buy it.

How has he behaved since then OP? That would tell me a lot.

An innocent person accused of something they didn't do will usually try and clear their name, and happily talk about the issue in a bid to do so.
A guilty person accused of something (but trying to hide it) will want to sweep the issue under the carpet and so that it's forgotten about by all involved ASAP.

What does his behaviour suggest?

LegacyUser

I met some married lads from Scotland on holidays who were sleeping around with all sorts on the holiday.

I asked them what would happen if they caught crabs or some such. They said that what they'd say to their wives was:

"I borrowed John's swimming togs to go for a swim. I must have caught the crabs from him".

Sounds a bit like the text excuse to me. Unbelievable.

Abi

ManOfMystery wrote: »

It's difficult to prove if he was lying or not about the SMS, though as I said before, it's the oldest excuse in the book and I wouldn't buy it.

How has he behaved since then OP? That would tell me a lot.

An innocent person accused of something they didn't do will usually try and clear their name, and happily talk about the issue in a bid to do so.
A guilty person accused of something (but trying to hide it) will want to sweep the issue under the carpet and so that it's forgotten about by all involved ASAP.

What does his behaviour suggest?

Deceit.

You're right however in saying that someone would go to the ends of the earth to show that they are innocent. What the OP got was defensiveness, accusations and that she was told to 'get a grip'.

The friend should be able to verify, no texts should have been deleted, there should have been a trail of truth. But how many of us would use a friends phone to flirt with someone else. Its peculiar.

Hardly the actions of an innocent man, wouldn't you say?

shalalala

OP. If I were you I would start to look for evidence in other places. That way you will find out for sure.

Mansized Wreath

OP, you know in your heart he's talking crap. Dump him, the sea is vast and you deserve better.

The Corinthian

Let's examine his story. His friend, san credit, borrows his phone to contact his girlfriend. If so, two things spring to mind:

• His friend did not identify that he was using someone else's phone.
• Somehow, his friend managed to send it to the wrong number.

The first point might be explained by his sending more than one text, identifying himself in a previous one and only sending a second one (before she replied to the first) to the wrong number. However, then this text should be visible in the phone's sent items. The second point I cannot explain with any reasonable scenario - unless she is next to you in his phonebook.

Either way the evidence is pretty damning and it is not unreasonable for you to demand that he shows evidence of his innocence - effectively responding to the above two questions. This may be to be able to examine his phone (even if it means him controlling this process and showing you only the relevant phonebook entries and sent texts) or even arranging a drink with his friend and the supposed girlfriend so they can corroborate the story.

I would also make it clear that there is hope of salvaging the relationship if he admits wrongdoing, but not if there are lies on top of any wrongdoing - and as things stand the evidence is sufficient to point to wrongdoing beyond reasonable doubt.

If he attempts to sidestep this, cannot explain these inconsistancies, or feigns offence at any demand for proof, then in all likelihood it's because he cannot defend himself and is using the old 'deny, deny, deny' approach - if you stick to a denial doggedly, no matter how obvious it is that you've been caught, you'll be surprised how often the wronged party will eventually drop the matter.

If he cannot or refuses to show evidence and continues his denial, then it is clear beyond reasonable doubt that he's been a bad boy (although not necessarily that he's been physically unfaithful yet) - it's up to you to decide how to deal with this, if so, but I would echo the views here that ending the relationship would be the wisest course of action; not because he may have cheated, but ultimately because he's lied and continues to lie about it.

An bhfuil cead agam

canitbetrue wrote: »

Hi All,

Ok in short .With my boyfriend 5 years now. yesterday he sent me a text message saying " Mmmm yep up ava great body, u ava great sense of humour and don't tink i didn't notice ur clever also. is ther any end to your talents my dear Debra"

Firstly the mate is the oldest excuse going. I doubt anyone would text a message like that off a mate's phone. It looks like it is not a one off message either but one a few. Also I hardly reckon the girl would reply back either if his mate was texting her off his phone.

It all sounds like a big lie to me. You need to take some time and maybe review your relationship. Five years is a long time but why continue if you don't trust him anymore.