Any thoughts on this?

Sugar cube

Don't know if I should post in PI but mods please move if necessary.

First I'm not Irish, I'm from HongKong but I've been living here for a year and love the people and the country. I'm a 29 years old female. In my office there are two ladies who are much older than me and the rest are male colleagues. They are all lovely people but I love to have females friends who are in simillar age to socialise with. I have two close Irish friends, one got married and moved to different county and one moved abroad so I've joined different social groups to meet more people and make some female friends. There is a small group of 4 girls, we are going out for a few weekends together and I had so much fun and I was hoping I could form some kind of friendship with some of them. This weekend I was invited to join them and just before I got out of the door I got a text from X in our group saying that I shouldn't join them tonight, maybe lunch sometimes. I asked her why and she said, I am the one who always get attention from men when I'm with them, and men they fancy would go and chat me up instead of them. I texted Y( in our group) and asked what she thinks and she said she agreed with X. I was shocked, sad and stayed in that night. Another girl text me and I just said I'm tired and wanted to stay in. When I was out with them, all I wanted was fun and I did enjoy myself very much and never noticed if men came over and chat me up but not them. After a night out they would asked me if I got these or those guys numbers, I said no because I had no interest, then one of the girls would said to me that I should stay in next time, I took it as a joke but now I realised they are serious not wanting me there on their nights out. I am feeling very sad all weekend and I'm now in work and can't concentrate because its hard enough to make friends here in Ireland and when I just thought I will have some good girlfriends then this happened. I'm normaly a positive person and I don't think all girls are the same but these girls were so nice to me at the beginning, borrowed my dresses and shoes for weddings but yet said something like that to me. I'm a nice, kind, open minded girl, I'm finding it hard to make friends here and do I have any hope? and where is the right place to meet people who like to be friends with foreigners so we could just have fun without all the dramas?

Isolt

Women can be like this unfortunately. One bitchy woman can make life very difficult if she puts her mind to it. In your case there is more than one to contend with. It might not feel like it but they have done you a massive favour. Look at it this way, you do not want friends like them. It must have felt terrible when they text you and told you to stay home but this is because they are morons who think very little of their own abilities to attract men. What does that say about them?

As for meeting friends - Can you try take up a sport or another activity, like female boxercise classes for example? It might not be your thing but there are lots of girls there rooting other girl's on when they class is tough. I met loads of female friends through poledancing classes too. Obviously I'm not saying you should do these exact classes but I find in any activity where you are encouraged to support (and partner up) with other people in the class is a great way to meet people.

Frankly, I'd take it as a compliment. You are obviously a beautiful girl and they are jealous of that. I promise you will make friends who will love having you around, you've just been unlucky. These women sound like awful, awful people though. Lucky escape I say!

RossFixxxed

Pathetic jealousy to my mind. You can't please everyone and some people are just like that. I would expend my energies elsewhere. There are tons of cool women who won't be intimidated by your looks, and tons of guys who probably will in a good way

Don't let a couple of losers put you off getting out there. Find something as a hobby / class / group activity that you enjoy and friendships will follow after!

Best of luck OP, sorry you got landed with these sad cases!

Puddleduck

Hi op. Im sorry to hear of your encounter with some very insecure girls. I think you were just unlucky. Was it the whole group of girls or just one or two?
I dont think this has anything to do with you being foreign, it can happen to anyone. Dont give up hope, branch out a bit more, there is usually boards beers or join a class to meet new people.

Merkin

Awww, that's horrible. Not all Irish girls are like that, it just sounds like you were incredibly unlucky and they are just an incredibly bitchy and insecure group of awful girls. They are not your friends so don't waste any more time on them.

Sugar cube

Puddleduck wrote: »

Hi op. Im sorry to hear of your encounter with some very insecure girls. I think you were just unlucky. Was it the whole group of girls or just one or two

Thanks all for your replies. Your kind words do make me feel better. So far I know there are two girls in a group who said thing like that to me, I am scared to ask the rest because they might think the same and they were out together another night, I doubt it if they didn't bring the topic up. I was going to text them saying I'm sorry they are feeling that way but after reading your replies, I think they are a bit jealous of me for a silly reason but I accepted what others might think of me or judge me, even if I don't like it, it doesn't make me any less. When I went out with them I avoided chatting to guys as much as I could, I just wanted to be friendly to others but didn't want to make the girls feel I'm a centre of attention and I always introduced them to whoever I was chatting to if it was a prohibited situation.

I have been doing aerobic classes twice a week since I moved to Dublin but after one hour class, everyone just went home, there are no weekends meet up, or movie nights in or out so I haven't got much luck making friends within these classes. As others said, I should brand out a bit more and I will try.

cantdecide

Sugar cube wrote: »

I have been doing aerobic classes twice a week since I moved to Dublin but after one hour class, everyone just went home, there are no weekends meet up, or movie nights in or out so I haven't got much luck making friends within these classes. As others said, I should brand out a bit more and I will try.

Persistence is key. Try dancing classes too as they are inherently more social.

BTW, I was shocked at the blatant way they reacted to you. What age are these people? I think they must be extremely immature. I would mention it to everyone else in the group- I doubt that everyone would be in agreement and even if they were secretly resentful of all the attention you get, I'm appalled they'd actively try to kick you out of the group.

GavMan

Book clubs tend to be quite social.

If you're anyway sporty, team sports are the easiest way to strike up friendships.

A few of my friends are into Triathlon and they are great places to meet people. Lots of chatting tends to happen on long training cycles. Plenty of trips around the country at the weekend for races too.

sffc

As a 41 yr old guy I can't offer a whole lot of insight into your problem but just wanted to say it's better that you found out now what a horrible lot these girls are rather than in six months time when they had been constantly talking behind your back and you really, really thought that they were good friends . Bullet dodged as they say .
While bitchiness can be the downside of being female the upside is women are more open than men to making new friends . You sound attractive ,sociable and thoughtful - three qualities which will never leave you lonely

Mr Bump

If they are like that then they will never be your friends, also in my view you dont want friends like that, gut up and find some other girls to pale around with, i am sure the experience will be different,

Valentina

They sound like a pack of b*tches OP. :mad: What horrible behaviour. Sorry you had to experience that.

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could do here? You say you do an aerobics class, would you try a dance class? They are generally more social. Book clubs too can be a good place to meet others. My sister in law met her best friend through volunteer work but this needs a fairly big commitment so might not suit. Team sports are also a great way to meet like-minded others.

Boards is a very social place too, maybe take a wander over to The Ladies Lounge and keep an eye out for meet ups there?

Best of luck with it, and I hope you meet some nice new friends soon.

Cupcake_Crisis

I know this would have hurt you a lot, but to be very honest it is better that you saw their true colours now before getting more involved in the group. Unfortunately there are plenty or bitchy, insecure women out there, and it only takes one to spoil an entire group.