Dealing with being stood up

LegacyUser

Sorry if this is long winded but i really need to get this off my chest. Yesterday i was supposed to meet a girl that i really like. We have been out twice before and she invited me to come over to her house on Sunday. We exchanged lots of texts on Friday and Saturday and she asked me to come over around lunch time and gave me the name of the closest station to her house.

I messaged her as i was leaving my house saying i would be at the station at 1, when i get there (after travelling for over an hour by train) there was no sign of her, i tried to call her but her phone was off. I went into a pub to kill some time and after an hour i got a text saying sorry her phone died and her charger wouldn't work so she had to run out and buy a new one, i said no problem and gave her the name and address of the pub i was in, i then asked for her address and she messaged me back saying she would come collect me.

Well she just never turned up and i was left sitting in a pub on my own for 5 hours (i'm ashamed i waited that long before leaving) in that time i called her once (she never answered) and i sent a text asking was everything ok (no reply). We text through whatsapp so i can see that she read the message and that she has been online so she is just ignoring me I feel like i was on the receiving end of a practical joke.

How do i deal with this? Do i just delete her number/facebook or should i try and contact her again to find out what happened? I was so hurt by it that i didn't even go into work today I'd love an explanation as to how you could do that to someone, i've been nothing but nice to her and i really didn't deserve to be treated like that.

RossFixxxed

I've dealt with people like that before and from my limited experience I'd say cut all contact and move on. It's complete and utter disrespect. She has no reason or explanation for that, and no apology.

It sucks because you liked her, but she's clearly not particularly concerned about you or your feelings. Let it go and move on. Just delete, block and forget as best you can. If she is ignoring you then it is as clear as day tbh. Sorry.

Lux23

What a cow, unless there was some major emergency there is no excuse for doing that.

LegacyUser

Yeah i was thinking "what if there was an emergency or something" but i'm struggling to think of a situation where you couldn't do the decent thing and let the person know. I just feel like i deserve an explanation.

I have purposely avoided dating for the last few years due to been hurt in the past and just when i've built my confidence back up and i decide to get back in the game this is the first girl i run into, typical

stargazer 68

Unfortunately OP these things happen. I really dont get that people get out of doing this but obviously something.

What do you do? Nothing! Don't contact her and just delete her from fb and your phone. Upwards and onwards OP.

tan11ie

Dust yourself off and forget about her, don't go looking for an explanation as I'm sure she will spin you a yarn.Seriously for someone to do that to anyone it's quite pathetic in my book.

Count yourself lucky that you're rid, hopefully you meet one of us nice gals next time.

Beruthiel

google maps wrote: »

Do i just delete her number/facebook

Yes.
She's a coward with no back bone.
All she had to do was tell you on Friday that she wasn't interested.
Instead she wasted your day and had you sitting around waiting for her without so much as an apology.
Dodged a bullet there OP.

Lorna123

I am absolutely appalled that anyone would do this to anyone. For her to know that you spent an hour on a train to get to the station and then to leave you waiting in a pub is terribly mean and cheap of her. You obviously read the wrong signals here OP as this woman is not worthy of cleaning your boots. Don't attempt to contact her anymore and delete her from your contact list, phone list etc. Words don't describe a person who is capable of doing such a thing. Don't waste any more time feeling hurt about this one OP, you are so much better off without the likes of her. I can well imagine how you feel and how you must be so disappointed in being treated like that. It is the pitts as far as I am concerned. I don't think she will have the nerve to tell anyone what she did and if she does nobody will be on her side. I hope you have better luck next time.

cantdecide

It goes without saying that there could have been a legitimate excuse... but I would treat any excuse offered with EXTREME caution. Beware the lame excuse! I've been where you are now with the added bonus of giving forgiveness only then to be ignored. She only sought validation. More fool I was for giving it to her...

Be dignified. Hold your head up high and resist the urge to lash out. Very soon you will realise the lucky escape you had. Focus on moving forward.

Delete her from your life. Erase all her texts.

dixiefly

Sorry to hear that...it is disgraceful and I concur with the other advice you have been given.

It is a pity that you cannot relay this story unto her Facebook wall without identifying yourself in the process.

If it was me, I would be looking at ways for this to be more widely shared among her circle of friends.

cantdecide

dixiefly wrote: »

Sorry to hear that...it is disgraceful and I concur with the other advice you have been given.

It is a pity that you cannot relay this story unto her Facebook wall with identifying yourself in the process.

If it was me, I would be looking at ways for this to be more widely shared among her circle of friends.

I don't think this would do anything other than prolonging the agony. It's unlikely she will learn from this. As a Polish friend of mine would say; "For what is wrong with her, there is no cure".

Merkin

What a vile way to behave. She sounds like an ill-mannered cow with no consideration or any depth to her whatsoever. You need to pick yourself up and brush yourself off my dear and sooner rather than later you'll realise she did you a favour. You don't want someone cruel and shallow in your life. Delete all her details and be glad you didn't get more involved.

Lorna123

dixiefly wrote: »

Sorry to hear that...it is disgraceful and I concur with the other advice you have been given.

It is a pity that you cannot relay this story unto her Facebook wall without identifying yourself in the process.

If it was me, I would be looking at ways for this to be more widely shared among her circle of friends.

I think this is a great idea. I would certainly relay this on her facebook page and it doesn't matter whether you are identified or not, you did nothing wrong.

Lorna123

You could decide not to give her the satisfaction of knowing how you felt last Sunday or you could say the following on her facebook page.

Just wondering what happened to you last Sunday, we had arranged to meet at "such and such" station at 1.00. I was there but there was no sign of you. I tried to phone you but got no answer. I presumed you would contact me so I waited in a pub nearby for your call but just received a text to say that you had to get a new phone and would collect me even though I offered to go to your address. I waited and waited but you never arrived and never explained to me further what happened. Just wondered how I could have got you so wrong. I thought you were such a nice person and I was looking forward to meeting you. I had no idea you would turn out like this. So disappointed in you. Just wondered what your friends on Facebook think of this?

ongarboy

Lorna123 wrote: »

I think this is a great idea. I would certainly relay this on her facebook page and it doesn't matter whether you are identified or not, you did nothing wrong.

This would show that the girl still has a hold over him that he feels the need to go to this effort of revenge to make her look bad and letting the world (at least the FB world) know he is still preoccupied with her. She is no longer worthy of his attention or preoccupation. Seeking revenge never makes you happy as it means you haven't been able to move on.

OP, while your ego is a little bruised (which is completely understandable), you need to brush yourself on and move on by completely forgetting about her (assuming she doesn't have a very justified and very credible explanation as to what happened - up to her to pursue this, not you.). There are so many decent girls around so please don't let this knock your confidence. Most of us have had setbacks in the dating scene before we eventually met the right person for us at the right time. Good luck!

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the advice, i won't be going down the facebook public shaming route because i'm not like that and all it will do will provide entertainment for people.

thepeachyone28

Are you guys kidding? And she could then spin a yarn about a guy who has been stalking her, and they'd believe it as it's there for all to see! Even if it was only one time you waited for her, thats not what others will see. It's also letting her see you cared more than her. . . Thats already obvious from your previous behaviour. hold your head high now and walk away, block and delete and don't waste another second on someone like this. And don't get into revenge, even if it's only a facebook comment. Karma will look after her, it always does!

sozbox

Don't write on her FB wall whatever you do. Best case, a comment like that will be on her page for a full 5 mins before it's deleted, you blocked and a story spun about you being the weirdo.
Worst case, it gets deleted before anyone sees it and you are still made out to be the weirdo.

What she did is inexcusable, I wouldn't treat a dog like that. But you should take comfort in the fact that you dodged a bullet, there are plenty of normal women out there who will appreciate your company, don't give up looking just because of one bad apple!

IrishEyes19

Do not write anything on her fb. It's as low as she acted towards you. Delete her, and rid yourself of her thats what I would do. she acted terribly. there's no excuse, OP, she had many means to get in touch and she didnt. delete her, delete her. I would have no problem texting her however, and saying how rude it was and she should have been honest. tell her, you are done as far as you are concerned and then delete OP. Best of luck

Eve_Dublin

OP you sound like a good guy. You know what? I'm glad she didn't turn up. Why? Because she showed her true colours early on and in the process, has prevented you from getting your head messed with even more in the future when you've invested more in her emotionally.

Rejection is horrible, man. Most people have been there, but rejection of this kind....the only person who should be feeling like ****e is her. This is HER problem. This has nothing to do with you. She's a flakey, disrespectful individual and I'm sure this is not the first time she's pulled a stunt like this.


Hold your head up high and cut contact completely, no matter how tempted you are. This doesn't make you any less worthy of love. As I said, the vast majority of us have dealt with rejection. Love/like is not always reciprocated - life isn't that easy, unfortunately. Soldier on, man and you'll meet a girl you'll click with and treats you with more respect than this one. Good luck!

Lorna123

Google maps wrote: »

Thanks for all the advice, i won't be going down the facebook public shaming route because i'm not like that and all it will do will provide entertainment for people.

Good for you OP. I was so mad after reading this story that I wanted to expose her, but having thought about it you are right, it would just be entertainment for people, you are so right. I hope you are feeling better by now. It was such a lousy thing to have happened but at least you now know what she is made of. You are way too good for her.

LegacyUser

There was a very similar story recently on the radio, a girl had stood a guy up, he wrote her a very polite letter afterwards saying it was a pity she didn't make the meeting as he felt they would have had a good time but in saying that he wished her the best for the future....she felt guilty for years afterwards and still thought about apologising to him! Moral of the story- take the high road, OP!

CaraMay

Let her off op... She only one she shamed is herself.

Novella

I genuinely feel for you, OP. The way she treated you is inexcusable. You come across as a really lovely person, so just know that you didn't deserve this at all.

I'm glad you're not going to write on her Fb page. I think that's a terribly bad idea.

I don't have any further advice than what has already been offered, I guess I just wanted to say I hope you're doing okay after being placed in such a horrible situation.

Confused1982

google maps wrote: »

Yeah i was thinking "what if there was an emergency or something" but i'm struggling to think of a situation where you couldn't do the decent thing and let the person know. I just feel like i deserve an explanation.

I have purposely avoided dating for the last few years due to been hurt in the past and just when i've built my confidence back up and i decide to get back in the game this is the first girl i run into, typical

Some people don't have common decency and respect. Trust me I know how you feel. Personally I wouldn't contact her again it won't make you feel any better or change what has happened

jantheman91

You've been disrespected. I don't see why you should be ashamed. There was nothing shameful about traveling an hour by train and waiting in a pub for a girl you were interested in. The fact that she done what she done is shameful. Please acknowledge the difference.

You were stood up, you were disrespected, and you feel like you've been made a fool of. So i ask you ''What do you think you should do?''.

If someone disrespects you and makes you feel like a fool you cut them out of your life. You don't even acknowledge their existence. You won't have been the first person this b**** does something to and certainly won't be the last. IMO you done right. You gave her the benefit of the doubt.

Laugh about it, because this person certainly isn't worth worrying about. Trust me.

December2012

She is a scumbag and this is not normal so don't think it will happen again with another person - it wont. Head high OP. you did nothing wrong..

gandalf

Unless she comes back with a absolute doosy of a reason I think you should just forget about her and move on. It sounds like she got cold feet but was too spineless to admit this to you. You are lucky you didn't invest any more time into her and found out her true character early.

2rkehij30qtza5

So sorry this happened to you OP. I wouldn't do what she did to my worst enemy! She treated you appallingly. The reflection is on her and not you.
If I were you I wouldn't contact her, just ignore and move on. There is no excuse for what she did to you other than pure and simple bad manners.
Not all girls are like her. You were just unfortunate to meet someone who has no respect for herself to let herself down sp badly by doing such a thing. Onwards and upwards...try not to worry about it. Hurtful and all as it was just know that you are the better person and she has missed out on having someone who is clearly better than her in her life! Her loss.