30 and NEED ADVICE ON DATING?!?!?

angle82

Hi Everyone

Well i need your thoughts and views and advice,personal stories even,need some insight.
Some background information, I am a 30 year old separated mother of 2 young children.
I have been separated over a year now and o feel like i have dealt with all the emotions and nastiness,also we have been through mediation so we have made arrangements regarding kids,finances,mortgage etc.
So that all said, my question stands I need advice!?
What do people do now a days,can we call it dating?
I would like a man's perspective How do men feel about dating a woman with 2 children,honestly!? How do 30 year old meet people ?
I am certaintly not looking for a long term relationship or a father to my children,i just want to meet a man and have a casual relationship with i think? And yea I am so nervous about getting back out there. I was with the same Man for 10 years! The thought of having Sex with someone else terrifies me but it's been a YEAR ! I don't want to terrify myself out of getting back out and then be 40 or 50 having to do then anyways or just made a decision to be on my own.
I am lonely, i suppose i want to feel desired by someone,don't we all?

Your thoughts pls!

Lux23

I am the same age as you, but I have never been married and I don't have children so I guess I am still fairly comfortable with the pub/club scene.

I suppose the best thing to do is go out with friends and have a good time, and just see what happens. I know after being in such a long relationship you probably feel like you are far too old for all of this but I have friends in their 40s who I would go out with so there are definitely lots of other people in the same boat.

I did actually meet my current boyfriend in Coppers so you never know when cupid will strike.

RubyWoo83

I will be 30 at the end of the year, split with my partner last August and now a single mother of one.

I honestly think you are over thinking things a bit, 30 is very young. A lot of people our age haven't even began to think of settling down yet so plenty of people still heading out at the weekends. As far as being a single mother goes, it probably will put some people off but not others. In all honesty, I don't think I've ever had as many men chasing me in my life as I have the past few months. I've been seeing someone now since Christmas time and happy out.

sffc

Agreed - your only "problem " is you are a bit young haha. Relax - second time around there are positives, you are wiser even if you don't feel it and will have a better idea of what you are looking for . From my limited experience GENERALLY men accept women with kids easier than the other way round but that's generally. Enjoy yourself - the fun of dating is the same no matter what age you are

Hardonraging

Few things i'll add here, I have an Ex who has kids ( not mine ) it didnt bother me at the time, but it's not something i'd get back in to again, it's a tough situation to get in to, but that's just me personally !! I have other friends who met there partners and both had kids, and went on to get married ...

As far as what to do, just take your time and find your feet, pub's club's etc are still the same, but dont rule out day to day life, you'll need to build up your confidence again, take things slow, most men may see you as an easy target given you have the kids etc ...

Everyone wants to be wanted, women no more than guys...

liz2

Hardonraging wrote: »

most men may see you as an easy target given you have the kids etc ...

Could i ask, is this a common preconception that some guys have..?

Perhaps this is why i haven't had much luck with dating..! I too am a seperated mother with 3 kids & being 33 i'm not sure if it has anything to do with age

Hardonraging

liz2 wrote: »

Could i ask, is this a common preconception that some guys have..?

Perhaps this is why i haven't had much luck with dating..! I too am a seperated mother with 3 kids & being 33 i'm not sure if it has anything to do with age

The only answer i can really give you here is that not everyone's the same, as i mentioned i had no issue at the time of meeting my Ex ..

However, it's not something I'd be interested in going forward ..

liz2

I suppose it depends on the person really.. Seems to bother some but not others.. So it goes back to finding the right person..:)

dannyc31

I suppose it depends on the person really.. Seems to bother some but not others.. So it goes back to finding the right person..

from a male point of view my first thought would be "she is after a bit of fun" so i would never see it as anything thats gonna get serious. i wouldnt like the idea of my partner having kids from a previous relationship as ya couldnt be sure if the other fella is still around. would seem like alot of hassle to form a realtionship and unfortunately you would expect alot of baggage. thats just an honest opinion there are plenty of other really laid back kinda guys out there were none of this would be an issue for them.

but back to your original question. 30 is by far not old. in fact most of the social scene would be still of this age. people are getting married an having kids later than ever 35 onwards so you are far from past it. do you have an single friends that could bring you out? or perhaps set you up with someone? this might be a bit easier than going down a more daunting route such as internet dating which is more common than you think but just not for everyone.

im confused again

I would recommend on-line dating.

Use Parship, it is an excellent site, I used it and found the most wonderful partner. When you join, you answer loads of questions, they will then profile you based on your answers, and then match you to people with similar profiles.

So take care with your answers.

angle82

Yea agree 30 is is young and feel good about my age !

dannyc31 wrote: »

from a male point of view my first thought would be "she is after a bit of fun" so i would never see it as anything thats gonna get serious. i wouldnt like the idea of my partner having kids from a previous relationship as ya couldnt be sure if the other fella is still around. would seem like alot of hassle to form a realtionship and unfortunately you would expect alot of baggage. thats just an honest opinion there are plenty of other really laid back kinda guys out there were none of this would be an issue for them.

Thanks for the honesty here and this is what i also expect guys to think.
I think that would be more a jealousy thing " knowing the other fella is still around" .An insecurity that is not very attractive.
Every situation is different,taking the time to get to know someone would posisibly rule this out.
And at 30 doesn't everyone have some sort of relationship history that you all have to look beyond ?

im confused again

For me, kids from a previous relationship wouldn't bother me. I have kids myself so I understand the whole parenting with an ex side of things. I would actually prefer to meet somebody with kids, I find it makes everything easier to understand. The woman I am seeing now has kids and we totally appreciate how this influences our relationship equally.

sffc

im confused again wrote: »

For me, kids from a previous relationship wouldn't bother me. I have kids myself so I understand the whole parenting with an ex side of things. I would actually prefer to meet somebody with kids, I find it makes everything easier to understand. The woman I am seeing now has kids and we totally appreciate how this influences our relationship equally.

Totally agree with the above and in the same boat myself .

The only thing I would warn you a little is to tone down the fact that "you don't want anything serious / a dad to your kids" etc . Don't get me wrong from talking to women I understand what you mean . Many men however take this to mean they can just have a few drinks with you and casual sex afterwards - all when they feel like it . NSA fun in other words .
Online dating can be great but the paid sites offer better quality although I have met an angel on POF

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/independent-woman/love-sex/dummies-guide-to-online-dating-3139907.html

Hardonraging

sffc wrote: »

Totally agree with the above and in the same boat myself .

The only thing I would warn you a little is to tone down the fact that "you don't want anything serious / a dad to your kids" etc . Don't get me wrong from talking to women I understand what you mean . Many men however take this to mean they can just have a few drinks with you and casual sex afterwards - all when they feel like it . NSA fun in other words .
Online dating can be great but the paid sites offer better quality although I have met an angel on POF

http://www.independent.ie/lifestyle/independent-woman/love-sex/dummies-guide-to-online-dating-3139907.html

Drinks ???? feck that, mug of tea more like ... cheap and cheerful ..