No Idea What I'm Doing...

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I'll try and keep this brief.

This is the story...

I was really good at school. Scored well in most subjects and had a big interest in arts but did really well in the science subjects. I got a B1 in Honours Biology and an A2 in Ordinary Maths, so I wasn't dreadful at the sciencey/ mathys stuff. Before I sat my LC I had thought about doing medicine but didn't think I'd be able to get the points for it. I talked to my science teacher who informed me that my school didn't do chemistry (which I would need to matriculate) and that the 'Life of a junior doctor is a terrible one with a lot of work and little thanks'. I spoke to my parents about it and they thought medicine could be achievable but that we didn't really have the money to send me to an evening school to pick up chemistry. The reasons I did (and do) want to do medicine are mostly down to patient care. I like the idea of looking after people, finding solutions for their problems and using my knowledge to help them. Nursing is also a possibility but I was told by many nurse friends of mine that I've a 'head' for medicine and to take that route over nursing.

I sat the LC and got 540 points which I was floored by. After consulting with my Careers Advisor, and having no idea what I wanted to do now, I decided to put down Arts courses on my CAO. Got accepted to my first choice and fell into three Arts subjects that I enjoyed at LC-level. I went on to complete my BA with numerous academic awards and subsequently got offered a PhD in my higher-scoring subject. I've been doing my PhD since 2010 and nearly completion now.. but I still have this hankering to do medicine. I feel like I was pushed into Arts because I didn't know what to do and just kept on riding that road because of encouragement and a failing economy with little other opportunities available.

During the PhD I got to see the life of academia. I lectured, I presented posters and papers, I tutored, I ran administrative programmes, I wrote articles for journals etc. It was not for me, in the slightest. I was teaching a subject most people dislike and consistent problems with my supervisor ensured I would do my PhD unsupervised, basically. Two years ago I looked into Graduate Entry to Medicine and I was really interested in it. Knowing now that I am completely disillusioned by academia, I thought that doing GEM would give me a chance to do what I always wanted.

My current apprehensions are focused on a few insecurities that are stopping me from continuing down that path. Firstly, I'm not a science graduate and haven't seen inside of a lab since my LC days. I worry that I won't be able to get to grips with the science and math involved in Medicine. Secondly, I am afraid I won't like it. Although I have wanted to do this for a long time, doing is different than wanting.. I thought I wanted to do a PhD and found out that I HATED it. What if that happens to me? Again? I will end up with two 'Dr.' titles, both of which are useless.. Thirdly, the money. It's a massive investment. Grad entry medicine can cost up to 100k and would involve a massive loan. What if I fail throughout the year and wind up not being able to pay it back? The idea of committing to anything after being failed by my PhD idea has really taken its toll.

I'm currently lecturing my subject area in a university and trying to finish my PhD, but it's all getting to the point where I have no idea what to do. I'm 25 and turning 26 shortly. I feel like the ship has sailed and I should look into other options rather than this one.

I'm not sure what advice I'm looking for, or why I wrote this. Suppose I'd like to hear from people who've taken career changes, people who've studied medicine and anyone else who wants to chime in and sort my life out for me!

Thanks!
MidLifer

Kevster

Heya,

I think that I am in quite a good position to comment...

Here's a brief background: I also wanted to do medicine from school but didn't get enough points. Instead, I started computer science at DIT and ended up leaving months before my final exams (and never was awarded anything). I then started studying biology, got awarded a cert, ordinary degree, and then honours degree (winning 2 consecutive Student of the Year wards, lots of cash, and 2 silver medallions with my named etched on them). I then went over to the UK to start a PhD in chemistry, left after 4 months, and then started another in breast cancer research, which I completed in just 26 months. Right now, I've been working as postdoc in breast research and will be off to start a new job in New York shortly.

Towards the end of a PhD, there is always a 'what the hell am I doing?' period, and it has the potential to get worse when you actually finish and get awarded with your new title of 'Dr.'.

Like you, I also toyed doing the graduate degree in Medicine (but in the UK), but the cost completely put me off. Instead, I looked for other jobs ('postdoc' jobs) and eventually was offered the one in New York. I do'nt recommend that you completely rule out doing Medicine, but I do recommend that you start to look elsewhere - even abroad - for other work. You can still apply for medicine and go through the GAMSAT (is that the exam?) and see wha happens; however, the ultimate message for you is to keep your options open.

Your PhD doesn't have to be the same as doing a medicine degree... likewise, I think that you have already proven that you are intelligent and would be committed to the study involved. Think of people much younger than you who only do medicine because their parents tell them to... you'd have much more committment than them.

Still, however, I think that you just need to permit yourself to think along different avenues, whilst still leaving that of medicine open...

Kevin

daisybelle2008

QuarterLifeCrisis wrote: »

Hey guys,

I'll try and keep this brief


My current apprehensions are focused on a few insecurities that are stopping me from continuing down that path.
I worry that I won't be able to get to grips...
I am afraid I won't like it
I feel like the ship has sailed and I should look into other options rather than this one.

sort my life out for me!

Thanks!
MidLifer

OK OP, while you are someone who focuses on your insecurities and negative 'what ifs' pretty much any path you pursue is going to be paralysed by fear, indecision regret and overanalyses.
No 'ship has sailed'. OP you are 25 and have accomplished so much, stop focusing so much on the past/future. Sure medicine may work out or not, but while YOU put so much importance on your fears, time and money you really are not cut out for even moderate risk. It has become your nature to overthink & focus on negativity even though you took the safe option :eek:
If your attitude was I am going to take a risk to so something new, it will cost loads of money, but I don't care, I will figure it out and land on my feet, I always do, I am a smart guy and will give it a shot, if I don't like it F@ck it, I'll figure something out and keep trying and enjoying new things till I hit on something I like, I trust myself to get it right eventually and any knocks will build character

Basically OP, try and work on your attitude to life, it is intense, insecure and fearful. It does not have to be like that. It is not your circumstances that or causing that, it is your attitude and you will carry that into every choice you do or don't make.

Trust yourself and like yourself, there are no 'wrong' choices, just experiences you learn, grow and change. But you really need to get your outlook right, that makes the difference to how things pan out.

skyfall2012

Hi OP, I have a friend got a science degree, then a masters, then a Phd in neuroscience, she also studied homoeopathy and then after all that decided to go do Medicine in Wales which is a 4 year course for post graduates. She finished that course aged 34.

There is a new school of medicine opened in the University of Limerick for post graduates only. I think if you ring the University of Limerick you may find that a lot of the post graduates that are attending the course are not from a science background. I was at their anniversary celebrations this year and on the bus tour the girl said that people find they made the wrong choices in their primary degrees and want to do medicine and this is the purpose of the school.

Good luck OP, with all that education, you will be OK what ever happens and you have youth on your side:)

looksee

Finish your PhD OP then take some time out from studying. Go abroad as a volunteer, work in a summer camp for disabled children, do something that is not studying. 26 is very young in terms of PhDs - to be considering another one at your age is not giving yourself a chance to see what life is about.

Also remember that a doctor has to have the confidence to make decisions that could be life or death for a patient. Do you have that kind of commitment and confidence (based of course on education and training) or would you be better to deal with people and see what life outside of academia is like, and wait for a couple of years before making the medical decision?

CdeC

Hi OP,

I am always in favour of people following their dreams and if Medicine is that dream then I think you should go for it. Life is short and you should do what you want.

But first just some advice, really try and get some shadowing experience and talk with people in Medicine. what do they do day to day, what specialities are available and how did they make those deicisions. Also talk with people in GEM, how are they finding it.??

Make sure you are willing to commit financially. It is a big loan you'd be taking out but again is this is really what you want then you shouldn;t let money stand in your way.

Medicine has a big academic part. there'll be research to get invlved in, conferences, scientific posters and presentations. You'll have a big advantage in these areas.

To address some of your concerns, the Maths in Medicine is not hard and in reality the most important part is calculating concentraions and doses and then statistics for analysis of data. You shouldn't have any issue with the course. In fact people have told me that the most difficult part about medicine is actually getting in.

My advice. Apply!. If you get a place you will then make a more informed decision, it'll be a reality and then you'll know what you really want to do. Apply and then either accept or reject but at least get the ball in your court.

Best of Luck.
C

NakedNNettles

No offense, but you sound institutionalised in third level. It's time to grow up now, finish up your third level studies and move on with the next stage of your life. Education qualifications are not a benchmark of maturity.

I think you're lucky to finish up at 26. I have seen some Phd students finish up closer to their 30's and beyond, dragging it out and never knowing anything outside of the protective cocoon of the third level environment. Its a huge adjustment for these students when they finally have to leave. Remember, their peers have about 10 years experience in a work environment at this stage.

It's time to enjoy the remainder of your 20's, see some of the world and use your current experience, knowledge and qualifications to enter a work environment whether that be in a lecturing capacity or whatever. After all your studies, I believe you need to give this career a chance first. If the 'medicine dream' continues to burn brightly in a number of years then by all means return to this path. It's never too late in life.

Being in my late 30's I'll just add that I don't believe in the ideology of 'follow your dreams', I think its a crock. If you were to ask most people about their dreams, you would probably get answers such as, lots of money, luxury holidays, fast cars, big houses, high powered careers. Exactly what they are...dreams!

The reality is we can't all live our lives like this, sometimes you just have to cut the strings and move on to the next stage in life regardless of dreams. That's reality.

This is a different perspective as not everthing in life is sugar sweet with a cherry on top. Whatever you decide to do, good luck!

CdeC

NakedNNettles wrote: »

Being in my late 30's I'll just add that I don't believe in the ideology of 'follow your dreams', I think its a crock. If you were to ask most people about their dreams, you would probably get answers such as, lots of money, luxury holidays, fast cars, big houses, high powered careers. Exactly what they are...dreams!

Have to say I disagree with this, Dreams aren't simply impossible targets. I think sometimes people can get caught in the mill of life that leads them down a path that will not necessarily make them happy. They mature and realise that perhaps in hindsight they might have preferred a different career.

Dreaming about a career that is fulfilling and enjoyable is not an impossible ambition. I don't think you should ever give up on trying to make yourself happy, setting goals and moving towards them.

Kevster

One must always follow one's dreams ... ... failing on one or 2 attempts doesn't mean that you give up on all of them, though. If I gave up years ago, then I wouldn't have been here writing this today and on the verge of one of the biggest dreams of my life.

skyfall2012

Kevster wrote: »

One must always follow one's dreams ... ... failing on one or 2 attempts doesn't mean that you give up on all of them, though. If I gave up years ago, then I wouldn't have been here writing this today and on the verge of one of the biggest dreams of my life.

I know you wrote this for the OP, but you would not believe how much this rings through for me right now. Thanks for posting:)

Kevster

No problem, skyfall - hope all goes fine!

Kevin

bluemagpie

I agree with the other posters who are telling you to follow your dreams. If you don't have dreams you've nothing to aim for, and as someone famous said failures are the pillars upon which success is built. I've followed dreams, some failures, some successful, and life is far more interesting and enjoyable than when I was too afraid to.
Your ship certainly hasn't sailed, you can always sit gamsat, see how it goes, it lasts for 2 years so if you need time to think take it. Retirement age is only increasing, you'll have 30+ years of a career if you do it. Many people change careers, if you have the means, the desire and the drive to do it go for it, you already have the ability.

Sala

Follow your dream. I quit a job last year to intern and am very happy and feel like I'm getting to where I want to be. When I was considering it I read a great quote along the lines of "you don't want to look back and say that was the worst 40 years of my life"!

I am lucky I have no mortgage / kids etc as they can very much make it impossible to do what you want to do, but from reading your post it suggests you can do this. Do not worry about failing - you almost have a phd. You are smart. Plenty of "kids" aged 17-19 are heading into medicine, they can do it you certainly can. You have already mastered university learning, know how to write a paper, know how to research, know the best ways that you learn... in my mind you're already miles ahead. Best of luck!