Need some advice-confused

Prometheus

Have known female colleague now for over a year or more. I am about 10 years older than her.Hit it off immediately, can talk and talk for hours. Regular texts etc. Started to have feelings for her for some time.Little things I saw were indications that she may have similar feelings. Anyway rightly or wrongly, rather than suppressing it and die wondering, I told her how I felt. Big surprise, she said she does not feel the same, yet, and here's the strange bit, she stills texts for meet ups for coffee etc and we still car pool. If this situation was reversed, and I was,nt interested I would cut all contact or at least back off so as not to lead anyone on, so why is this colleague continuing to meet up etc. Really genuine person, so really believe not a prick teaser.
Any ideas, particulary from the female perspective greatly appreciated

Cupcake_Crisis

Have you thought that maybe she really values you as a colleague/ friend and is trying to put this behind her and carry on with the friendship?

daisybelle2008

Prometheus wrote: »

Have known female colleague now for over a year or more. I am about 10 years older than her.Hit it off immediately, can talk and talk for hours. Regular texts etc. Started to have feelings for her for some time.Little things I saw were indications that she may have similar feelings. Anyway rightly or wrongly, rather than suppressing it and die wondering, I told her how I felt. Big surprise, she said she does not feel the same, yet, and here's the strange bit, she stills texts for meet ups for coffee etc and we still car pool. If this situation was reversed, and I was,nt interested I would cut all contact or at least back off so as not to lead anyone on, so why is this colleague continuing to meet up etc. Really genuine person, so really believe not a prick teaser.
Any ideas, particulary from the female perspective greatly appreciated

You got your answer, why not maturely accept it and move on instead of picking apart motives. Not sure why on earth you feel the need to use the term 'prick teaser' with a shade of doubt. If you cannot handle being her friend then be honest with yourself and her, tell her and avoid contact but don't fake it.

Prometheus

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

You got your answer, why not maturely accept it and move on instead of picking apart motives. Not sure why on earth you feel the need to use the term 'prick teaser' with a shade of doubt. If you cannot handle being her friend then be honest with yourself and her, tell her and avoid contact but don't fake it.

Apologies for using "prick teaser" comment, just confused at moment, stupid male pride and all that. Tanx for comment.

newuser30

She doesnt feel the same so it's easy for her to continue the friendship. She just thinks you will get over the crush. You are the one who will have to become more distant/end the friendship because you have feelings more than friendship, which is very difficult when unrequited.
However if she said she doesn't feel the same yet, then it is leading you on. So if you think she is still deciding and you are waiting around, that's even more reason to back off and not contact her/contact less. If you do, and she actually does realise she has feelings for you she may let you know. But I definitely wouldnt waste time hanging about wondering.

Starokan

She sees you as a friend, good friends are hard to come by, it's really down to whether you can interact with her without your feelings getting stronger.

If you can't do her the courtesy of explaining instead of just cutting her out as she has been honest with you

Overheal

"Yet"

Is that your emphasis, or hers?

Lorna123

Well it seems to be that she does find you attractive and is making up her mind if this attraction is enough to have a relationship with you or not but on the other hand if she doesn't know after a year of really good friendship then I don't think it is ever going to happen. Personally, I would not like to continue being friends with her if she doesn't feel the same because I think it would be awkward. It is up to you what you want to do but I certainly would not like to meet up with someone so often if I had told them how I felt and they didn't feel the same. You could ride it out, i.e. give it another six months to see if she will change her mind and have that conversation again and if the answer is still the same then give her a miss. It can't be easy for you meeting up with her knowing that she now knows you have fallen for her and she hasn't fallen for you.........ooooch !!!

CaraMay

Overheal wrote: »

"Yet"

Is that your emphasis, or hers?

I read that differently - 'she didn't feel the same, yet, and here's the strange bit' . The comma breaks up the sentence and so I don't think he means she is not interested in him yet.

Lorna123

You could be right CaraMay, I didn't read it that way, but if this woman has had the same time to fall for the OP as the OP had to fall for her and she doesn't feel the same then I think it is a lost cause. If it were me I would back away from her and if it is hard to do this then I would explain to her that I don't think that the "friends" thing will work now that the situation has changed. It can't work because he will always be looking for signs in everything she says and does and it will drive him demented.

Prometheus

Prometheus wrote: »

If this situation was reversed, and I was,nt interested I would cut all contact or at least back off so as not to lead anyone on, so why is this colleague continuing to meet up etc.

To be honest I think this reflects more badly on you than on her. Are you saying it's only worth hanging out with her if you're going to get something from her?Why pretend to be her friend for a year if you're only interested in either being with her or having her completely avoid you? If she has told you, as she has, that she's not interested, there's no confusion there. There's no leading on because she has told you exactly where you stand. If you suddenly don't want to be her friend or even car pool with her just because she doesn't want to be with you, fair enough, but it's certainly not up to her to start treating you differently when nothing has changed for her.

CaraMay

I agree Lorna that she isn't interested and probably in all innocence thinks the friendship can continue now that she has been clear that no romance will happen. She probably doesn't want a bad atmosphere if she refuses to meet him anymore.

Lorna123

I can perfectly understand how continuing the friendship would be fine with the girl, why wouldn't it be, but I could see a problem with the OP continuing the friendship at the same level. That's just me, the OP may be well able to shrug this off and continue as if nothing was said ! I don't think I would. In fact I know I wouldn't be able to do it as I would be feeling a bit vulnerable to be honest.

CaraMay

Ah yeah id back off too if I were him.