Sensitive sex issue

LegacyUser

My bf and i have huge chemistry and everything in the bedroom is fantastic...until he tries putting a condom on. He stays hard for literally 20 seconds and then starts going soft. Its happened a few times so we've stopped having full sex altogether now. When he takes off the condom and we keep fooling around, he gets hard again, but again when we put on a condom, soft again. I've been as nice as possible but its building up a lot of frustration in both of us but especially him. He's started to get quite upset and negative about bed because of it and its quite stressful because everything else is perfect and i'm worrie this will shut down our sex life altogether.

Appreciate any suggestions

Cupcake_Crisis

Have you tried using the thinnest possible condoms? It's quite a common thing, I've experienced it myself and it's the most frustrating, confidence denting thing for both people.

Katy89

would you consider using the pill? no need of condom fiddling anymore (given you use the pill with all discipline, i. e. to take it every day at the same time and other occurences described in the leaflet in the package)

username123

You know when he stays hard for like 20 seconds, then goes soft - why take the condom off? Just leave it on and carry on fooling around until he gets hard again. Or get him to put it on right at the beginning when he gets hard, but before you are ready for sex, so putting it on isnt the 'trigger' for sex, just put it on and leave it on for a while before trying.

Its very common. Try other types of condoms as well.

a posse ad esse

Katy89 wrote: »

would you consider using the pill? no need of condom fiddling anymore (given you use the pill with all discipline, i. e. to take it every day at the same time and other occurences described in the leaflet in the package)

Do not go this route UNTIL you both get tested and cleared for STIs. The pill only protects against pregnancy not STIs!

Taltos

Maybe suggest to him to practice himself. He needs to get comfortable with condoms and how they feel and knowing they work without the added pressure of the situation.

The other alternative is it incorporate putting the condom on into your foreplay...

Sleepy

Like Taltos says, making it part of foreplay might be a good idea. One move that may be worth trying is making is putting it on with your mouth. Very sexy when done right

ibarelycare

Is it possible that the condom is too tight for him? It might be worth trying different sizes and types.

LegacyUser

If you are okay with it, I'd suggest the pill. I'm a bloke, and I find condoms to be off-putting and the sensation to be dull to be honest. There's nothing sexier than kissing, messing around, and then "he" just finds his way in. No pausing the moment to put a condom on while worrying about 'losing it'.

Once he doesn't have an STI of course.

CaptainCrazy

ibarelycare is right, is there a chance that the condom is far too tight for him? I've personally found that the likes of Durex condoms to be far too tight and I would often lose an erection with them. Don't be afraid to try other brands out - they often would have slightly different sizes, but could make the difference.

Problem I've found, especially in Ireland, is that a lot of pharmacies/shops do not stock larger size condoms, so perhaps it might be worth buying a pack of these and seeing how you get on? I've used kinky.ie previously to buy packs and have found them relatively good and discrete.

Someone mentioned not using condoms; if you go down this route, ensure that you get an STI check first and then try to get one every 6 months to ensure that you both stay clean.

CaptainCrazy wrote: »

If you are okay with it, I'd suggest the pill. I'm a bloke, and I find condoms to be off-putting and the sensation to be dull to be honest. There's nothing sexier than kissing, messing around, and then "he" just finds his way in. No pausing the moment to put a condom on while worrying about 'losing it'.

Once he doesn't have an STI of course.

It's not just him though. Has to work both ways - she has to get a STI check too.

Lux23

Maybe both go for a STI check and then use some other form of contraception, the pill or coil maybe?

LegacyUser

It's not so simple to just go 'on the pill' - it can take several months for the OP to find one that suits her body chemistry and she could have health issues that could interfere with it working or she might already be on the pill but her and her OH would prefer to use two methods of birth control.

While trying different brands and types of condoms is a good start some of it can be a mental block ie he gets stressed when putting a condom on because he has lost an erection in the past and he associates it with the condom. You also get stressed for the same reasons adding to his stress etc etc

Try putting a condom on him without the pressure of sex or his performance. Get him to relax and you put the condom on and either use your hands and/or mouth to get him off. Being able to climax with the condom can help reduce some of the anxiety.