Age difference, new to dating

LegacyUser

Hi all. I'm 22 and was in a relationship with the same guy for a long time so I have very little experience dating. A few months ago we broke up. Was sad, went through the motions, am moving on, etc. A while ago I met this guy who is a good few years older than me - about 27 or 28. We hit it off and he added me on facebook. We seem to have a lot in common and share some obscure interests which is cool. He seems really lovely, intelligent and down-to-earth. So yeah, I like him.

I'm fairly intelligent, considered "unconventionally" attractive, I can be quite funny and people seem to like me. But despite this I'm also quite shy and insecure deep down. It takes a lot for me to get close to someone, so I find the idea of getting with someone new extremely daunting. I just wouldn't know what to do or what's socially appropriate. A friend suggested I ask him out for coffee but I don't know. What if he thinks I'm emotionally immature?

I feel I may be getting ahead of myself. He has shown signs of interest such as the initial adding me. He also seems to get nervous in my presence, but I don't know, maybe that's just his natural demeanor. What do you guys think I should do? And is the age difference that significant?

Thanks in advance.

Hardonraging

5 / 6 year isnt really a heck of a lot, If you are interested in this guy, get on with it, ask him out for a coffee, have a chat to him, see where it goes. It's prob more important that you gain some confidence in yourself and in life, then to worry about if he likes you enough to want to date you right now.

ElleEm

Vedi wrote: »

Hi all. I'm 22 and was in a relationship with the same guy for a long time so I have very little experience dating. A few months ago we broke up. Was sad, went through the motions, am moving on, etc. A while ago I met this guy who is a good few years older than me - about 27 or 28. We hit it off and he added me on facebook. We seem to have a lot in common and share some obscure interests which is cool. He seems really lovely, intelligent and down-to-earth. So yeah, I like him.

I'm fairly intelligent, considered "unconventionally" attractive, I can be quite funny and people seem to like me. But despite this I'm also quite shy and insecure deep down. It takes a lot for me to get close to someone, so I find the idea of getting with someone new extremely daunting. I just wouldn't know what to do or what's socially appropriate. A friend suggested I ask him out for coffee but I don't know. What if he thinks I'm emotionally immature?

I feel I may be getting ahead of myself. He has shown signs of interest such as the initial adding me. He also seems to get nervous in my presence, but I don't know, maybe that's just his natural demeanor. What do you guys think I should do? And is the age difference that significant?

Thanks in advance.

If he thinks you're emotionally immature, then you won't be suited and you can move on. He is only one man. You may hit it off, you may not. It's no big deal.
The dating scene will both excite you and disappoint you. Try not to get too invested in the idea of "what if?" with men. The most important thing is to be straight.
Just ask him out. If he says no, move on and if he says yes, then go out with him.
IMO the age different is insignificant.

You were obviously very hurt by the breakup, but don't let what happened there affect the future for you.

LegacyUser

Hardonraging wrote: »

5 / 6 year isnt really a heck of a lot, If you are interested in this guy, get on with it, ask him out for a coffee, have a chat to him, see where it goes. It's prob more important that you gain some confidence in yourself and in life, then to worry about if he likes you enough to want to date you right now.

Thanks. You're probably right. I should just "man up" so to speak and ask him out. It's just that I'll have to see him regularly regardless and I wouldn't want it to be awkward. I've come to value our little correspondence and wouldn't want to ruin that. Can't have it all, I guess! This problem is really very trivial, but I posted it because I've been doing a lot of thinking about it without coming to any conclusions or mustering up the confidence to do anything. Just need a fresh perspective, I suppose.

LegacyUser

ElleEm wrote: »

If he thinks you're emotionally immature, then you won't be suited and you can move on. He is only one man. You may hit it off, you may not. It's no big deal.
The dating scene will both excite you and disappoint you. Try not to get too invested in the idea of "what if?" with men. The most important thing is to be straight.
Just ask him out. If he says no, move on and if he says yes, then go out with him.
IMO the age different is insignificant.

You were obviously very hurt by the breakup, but don't let what happened there affect the future for you.

Yeah, I'm trying not to dwell on the break up. Part of my efforts to move on was opening my mind to new love interests. It's just so new and daunting to me. Among other things, I'm anxious that he's at a stage in his life where this is all familiar to him and he'll be expecting certain things. What if I look like a silly little girl by comparison! Then again, he strikes me as quite a reserved person so perhaps he's similarly inexperienced. I keep having these negative thoughts like "oh, I don't see any reason for him to want to go out with me" and comparing myself to other women. But you are right - I will never get over that unless I open myself to trial and error. Thanks for your reply

Hardonraging

Vedi wrote: »

Thanks. You're probably right. I should just "man up" so to speak and ask him out. It's just that I'll have to see him regularly regardless and I wouldn't want it to be awkward. I've come to value our little correspondence and wouldn't want to ruin that. Can't have it all, I guess! This problem is really very trivial, but I posted it because I've been doing a lot of thinking about it without coming to any conclusions or mustering up the confidence to do anything. Just need a fresh perspective, I suppose.

Last pieces of advice i'll give you here, Things in life dont always work out, once you realise this, you can deal with anything, situations only become awkward if you let them get that way, if it goes pear shaped, and you still see him regularly enough, talk to him, there's no reason it would be awkward, you went out for a drink / coffee once ..

Finally, over thinking things, dont do it !, it will drive you insane, and it's a huge turn off for guys, mostly as women who over think things come out with the wrong impression, ( sorry ladies not pigeon holing you all obv ) .

Have a think, plan ahead, be relaxed, it's just coffee/ a drink, and have fun.. positive mental attitude

Cerulean Chicken

That's not a significant age gap at all, that's a non issue OP. I was 23 when I met my boyfriend and he was 28, men tend to be immature for a few years longer than girls IME so I always actively sought out older guys!

TheBellJar

That's a tiny age gap, sure I've dated guys with double the difference! You'll be grand - go for it

OP, I'm a 27 year old male and have been in relationships with women who would have had the same age gap as you. To me, it doesn't matter as long as you're your own person, can take care of yourself, and are relatively emotionally mature.

Just be yourself and see how things go, if it doesn't work out, there's still a lot more out there.

2rkehij30qtza5

They say the lowest age limit someone should have as a partner is their age / 2 then add 7. So he is 28 say...divide by 2 = 14 + 7 = 21. So if you go by this you are not too young for him/ he is not too old for you.