took an std test

guiltygirl

I am feeling quite guilty for hurting my boyfriend who i love to bits. I have been with my other half for a year now and i decided to go for an std test recently. I told him I was going and he was quite angry and upset about it. Its not that I dont trust him or anything like that but i never had an std test before and i felt it is important as i am now having sex and i dont plan to sleep with any other lads. i told this to him but he mistakingly took it the wrong way and feels that i think he has diseases. can anybody understand me or was i wrong and overly cautious to take a test? i felt it was important as he had a girlfriend before me and i think its always best to take a test when you're having sex am i wrong?
i am afraid now that he doesnt realise how much i love him. was it a stupid thing for me to do?
i am very aware of how widespread stds are in ireland and elsewhere but he doesnt seem to realise anything about them. he said to me "you look fine" he doesnt realise that these diseases are not visible and that they can cause huge damage (infertility etc) if left untreated. it was mainly due to his lack of knowledge on the subject that i took control and felt it was necessary for me to take care of our sexual healths.
please help me understand me as he is now unattracted to me and says he is turned off me sexually now..

banie01

1st off you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for!
Your boyfriend is being a selfish tool!
Its a very responsible step you have taken in going for an STD screening.
It's not about whether or not you trust your Boyfriend.
Taking the test and getting them regularly when you are sexually active is a proactive step in protecting your future health and even fertility.
Many STDs can be carried and passed on without ever showing symptoms, and all the while the carrier(particularly females) can be suffering from ongoing damage to their fertility and increased chances of a risky pregnancy.
Regular STD screening will allow you to catch even asyptomatic infections very early on and allows generally wuick and easy treatment while giving you confidence in the fact that you are ''safe''

You seem quite young from your post, and your Boyfriend seems very very immature.
If he can't cope with you having an STD test and being responsible towards both of ye're health....
How do you think he'd cope with an unexpected pregnancy?

Well done on being proactive in your sexual health, but if this is your boyfriends attitude towards that safety....
Maybe reconsider if he is the kind of fella you want to place your trust, and your health in.

shinikins

'You look fine' isn't a medical diagnoses. Some of the most damaging STI's are silent, invisible and do not present symptoms. Go and get tested, its the responsible way to look after your sexual health.

As for your boyfriend-he has a bruised ego, and as with all bruises, they fade. Ifhe can't get over himself then he's immature and not worth your time.

Lovetochill

OP, It's your body, It's your health. Therefore you have no reason to feel guilty.
He is your partner, he is supposed to support you and remember you are doing that for the benefit of both. He sounds a bit immature. Go ahead and do it Op.

MissFlitworth

No, you weren't wrong to go & have an STD test. That's never a wrong thing to do, lots of STDs out there with nearly no symptoms and lots of people who don't know they have them merrily r1ding rings round themselves. You mention that you are 'now having sex', does that mean that your boyfriend is your first partner? If he is he might be smarting because he thinks you're accusing him of potentially giving you an STD.

If I were in your shoes I'd try to explain to him that there's zero shame in having an STD, it happens, it doesn't make the person who has one dirty & it isn't something to be ashamed of. (Burying your head in the sand about the chances of having one and continuing on as normal however...) You taking an STD test isn't you accusing him of having an STD, the fact is that until you do you just won't know & you can't live like that. There are STDs you can get even if you wear a condom. If one of the girls he had previously slept with had an STD and didn't realise then he could have it now & not realise. (likewise - If you have slept with other people than your boyfriend there's a chance you could have an STD neither of you are aware of & you could be passing it on to him.)

When you go for a smear test next they'll more than likely offer you a test for chlamydia, taking it isn't a reflection on him, it's you looking after your own health.

guiltygirl

guiltygirl wrote: »

please help me understand me as he is now unattracted to me and says he is turned off me sexually now..

Your boyfriend is an idiot...... who seriously needs to grow up.

If he cared about you, as he should.
He would never be able to make up such a petty vindictive lie.
He would have gone to the clinic with you and been tested himself.

iusedtoknow

agree with the above.

We all have pasts, my wife was pretty open with me the fact that she got screened every year since she started having sex before we started getting serious. This was for herself and not for anyone else. I wasn't even offended when she went 6 months into us living together and neither of us sleeping with anyone else for 2 years before that.

TBH, i think your BF needs to grow up a bit, i suspect that he thinks you think he cheated on you, or you cheated on him rather than just looking out for yourself.

P. Breathnach

I get the impression that this is OP's first sexual relationship. If that is so, the likeliest source of any infection found would be her boyfriend who has some history of sexual activity.

If my understanding is correct, it would have been more appropriate for him to take a test - but it seems that such a thought has never crossed his mind.

OP, you were right to take the test. You should not neglect your health because your boyfriend is acting like an ass. Nor should your feelings for him be a basis for letting him get away with such ignorant behaviour.

saiint

most of you's need to grow up
attacking the bf calling him an idiot? seriously

if my gf told me she was going for an std test after being with her so long
and she didnt explain it to me why she went , id probably get turned off her aswell

OP your right to go to get an std test, i think everyone should at least after having sex with a new partner or a one night stand without protection
but you need to explain it to your boyfriend why your having one
he has taken it the wrong way , and of course without sitting down with you and asking you why, he overreacted which is expected
for all you know he could probably think you would be messing around
sit down with him
explain why your having one (which is more common to have one nowadays then not) and if he doesnt like it after you explaining it , well then i would agree with the posters above, that hes an idiot
but at moment its only all confusion

nothing wrong with having one OP , nothing to be embarresed about at all , its normal and shows you want to look after yourself as well as your bf

Neyite

You have a mature and balanced approach to your sexual health and one I feel its a shame that your boyfriend does not share.

Of course if you are his only partner he will think that you think he is a carrier of an infection, or that you suspect he cheated or whatever. So naturally, it would have been best to frame it in that you wanted both of you to get checked because then you could ditch condoms.

Maybe he is throwing his toys out of the pram because he is worried you will be told you have an infection, and that it only could have come from him.

Either way, he is being a bit of a jerk. Nobody should make you feel like you cant look after your own health. Next time you want to schedule a test, tell him its a smear test and that the doc suggested a quick sti test in conjunction with it, and you just said yes on the spot.