DTR or go with the flow?

LegacyUser

I have been dating a man I met for just over a month, it's been going really well and I love spending time with him. We both have children from previous relationships & sometimes work conflicting hours but we see each other as often as possible and generally have a chat on the phone or exchange texts nearly every day. We are also sleeping together regularly and we seem to be very compatible in this area too ;-)

My only problem is I am starting to feel a need to define the relationship, I am of the opinion that until you agree to be exclusive then you're not. I know for some people it is just assumed and accepted but I'm a bit odd I guess, I always feel a need to know exactly where I stand. I'm a little paranoid I admit but I try to keep it in check.

I don't want him to feel like I'm forcing things or make some big commitment to me so I'm looking for opinions?

Esoteric_

foolsrushin wrote: »

I have been dating a man I met for just over a month, it's been going really well and I love spending time with him. We both have children from previous relationships & sometimes work conflicting hours but we see each other as often as possible and generally have a chat on the phone or exchange texts nearly every day. We are also sleeping together regularly and we seem to be very compatible in this area too ;-)

My only problem is I am starting to feel a need to define the relationship, I am of the opinion that until you agree to be exclusive then you're not. I know for some people it is just assumed and accepted but I'm a bit odd I guess, I always feel a need to know exactly where I stand. I'm a little paranoid I admit but I try to keep it in check.

I don't want him to feel like I'm forcing things or make some big commitment to me so I'm looking for opinions?

If you are sleeping together and talking most days, I think it's fairly safe to assume you're exclusive, but I completely understand wanting to define things.

What have you got to lose by asking him straight up where you stand? 'So, are we seeing other people, or just each other? Because I don't really want to see other people....' and see where it goes from there?

Abi

foolsrushin wrote: »

I have been dating a man I met for just over a month, it's been going really well and I love spending time with him. We both have children from previous relationships & sometimes work conflicting hours but we see each other as often as possible and generally have a chat on the phone or exchange texts nearly every day. We are also sleeping together regularly and we seem to be very compatible in this area too ;-)

My only problem is I am starting to feel a need to define the relationship, I am of the opinion that until you agree to be exclusive then you're not. I know for some people it is just assumed and accepted but I'm a bit odd I guess, I always feel a need to know exactly where I stand. I'm a little paranoid I admit but I try to keep it in check.

I don't want him to feel like I'm forcing things or make some big commitment to me so I'm looking for opinions?

Hi

You don't mention how old your children are, but I suspect that they are of the age that you may be worried about introducing him or if you have how long it will last (hoping for a future).

It is a worry for most single women having to introduce their children, and and it can be for men too.


A month is still early days. The couple themselves need to be comfortable with each other, build on the bond and friendship before the children get involved. Both yours and his children rely on both of your instincts that this is okay, and this is what is happening now.

You have to see things through the eyes of the children, as well as looking into how things are going between you.

Enjoy your time with him for now, once a solid bond is there I think you'll automatically feel the right time, but chat with him first

CaraMay

Op are you sleeping together? If so I think you have the right to ask.

Lovetochill

You guys are going out over a month and you have already introduced your children to him so I think you should ask him if he is seeing you exclusively and tell him what you want. If i had kids, I wouldn't introduce my kids to any man until I'm sure about the relationship. Ask him soon if you are still not sure about where you stand.

CaraMay

Lovetochill wrote: »

You guys are going out over a month and you have already introduced your children to him

She doesnt say that.

Sorry OP I see you are sleeping with him. TBH, if I did want a relationship with him, I would have asked him if he was dating others before starting an intimate relationship with him. I am not cut out for FWB situations (not saying this is one) but always prefer to know if someone is totally single before taking it a step further. You have to ask him before you get too involved as he may have a totally different take on the situation.

LegacyUser

Lovetochill wrote: »

You guys are going out over a month and you have already introduced your children to him so I think you should ask him if he is seeing you exclusively and tell him what you want. If i had kids, I wouldn't introduce my kids to any man until I'm sure about the relationship. Ask him soon if you are still not sure about where you stand.

No we haven't met each others children, that's way down the line to be honest.

Sorry OP I see you are sleeping with him. TBH, if I did want a relationship with him, I would have asked him if he was dating others before starting an intimate relationship with him. I am not cut out for FWB situations (not saying this is one) but always prefer to know if someone is totally single before taking it a step further. You have to ask him before you get too involved as he may have a totally different take on the situation.

To be honest we were sleeping together from the second date. I would be casual enough about sex, I would have had a FWB situation & generally always do when I am single, but that ended as soon as I met the person I am seeing.

I think I'll wait to be honest, I am enjoying things as is and I don't want to rock the boat. He was in a serious LTR previously and things ended badly with him on the receiving end of some awful treatment. He decided to just play the field after that and swore off relationships which he was very honest with me about when we met but did say that I was the first person that has made him think it might not be the way to go but we haven't really discussed it since. I think I'll give it a few weeks.

I was sort of thinking that if he did something for valentines that it might indicate things are more serious for him. Any men who want to give their two cents on that?

Lovetochill

CaraMay wrote: »

She doesnt say that.

Sorry OP I see you are sleeping with him. TBH, if I did want a relationship with him, I would have asked him if he was dating others before starting an intimate relationship with him. I am not cut out for FWB situations (not saying this is one) but always prefer to know if someone is totally single before taking it a step further. You have to ask him before you get too involved as he may have a totally different take on the situation.

My apologies Op. Reading other reply, for some reason I thought you did.

CaraMay

Just wouldn't like it to continue, ye to be on different pages and you get hurt but you have your head screwed on so I don't think you could go wrong either way. Enjoy