Online dating roadblock

She Who Dares Wins

Im looking for advice from people who have had some level of success with online dating. While Im involved in a good few things this is the only avenue I see for meeting someone and just to clarify Im not in desperation mode here for a relationship either, but Id like to be dating (& kissing a few boys).

My profile gets a fair amount of attention and I end up messaging guys a bit, going from the site to texting usually. Sometimes it gets as far as talking about organising a meet up and sometimes it doesn't....but it never gets to meet up stage (well except one particular humongous disaster).

Just cant seem to maintain their interest. But sometimes I wonder whether Id have the guts to meet up with them anyway

Meauldsegosha

There's a social group on boards for online dating, it might be worth your while checking it out.

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/group.php?groupid=349

LegacyUser

You're not daring, so you're not winning!

Don't go from the site to texting - go from the site to meeting up. It's no big deal, try meeting during the week for a drink after work, or about 7.30. Easy to leave if you're not interested, easy to stay on if you are. Meet fairly early on, then there's no embarrassment about saying that you think you're not suited, saying thanks for meeting and off you go.

She Who Dares Wins

Problem too is travel, living fairly rural most of the time it involves 1-2hrs travelling each way. But things just aren't getting to this stage .

Overheal

youre not alone with the online dating thing. I kinda disassembled the concept internally after a while, saw it for what it was, and opted out of it. It's a bunch of people crafting their perfect profile page, then other people view it for a few seconds, or maybe even a few minutes, maybe even a couple times, but they're too shy to step up or message or anything. Theres a newer service out that tries to set up blind dates to combat this but its probably only US localized at this point, its something OKcupid put out to stifle all the profile lurking, which is apparently just a systematic issue with dating sites, and nothing to do with you.

cantdecide

You have to bit the bullet on this one. There's a ton of getting over yourself when it comes to online dating. You are just going to have stop overthinking and get over yourself and simply make a plan to go on dates.

I wouldn't dare suggest you were doing anything specific wrong but your OP reminded me of the last girl I was messaging on OKC. Without doubt the best initial chat I'd ever had. She seemed so light and lovely and we had everything in common. I asked her out and she said yes but everything just went so vague and wooly. I threw my cap at it then and threw my cap at the whole OD experience.

What was the humongous disaster? It can't help that your only experience so far was a disaster but it may help if you exorcise those demons...

ash23

I used online dating before and just gave up to be honest. Lots of people are just looking to while away the hours or get their egos stroked. Initially when I started I'd be texting and messaging and it never got to the point of meeting up.

So I decided to be harsher. It's a numbers game after all. I live rurally too and I don't have time for travelling so I picked a "zone" and anyone outside of this was a no-no because I couldn't travel.
Anyone within access, I'd chat for a couple of days and then ask about a meetup. Usually I'd get fobbed off so I'd move on to the next person. I wasn't there to chat online, I was there to date so no point wasting my time.

So the long and short of it was, internet dating is NOT for me. I haven't the patience or wherewithal to be arsing around on a website stroking the egos of the males of Ireland.

I took a similar approach in RL. Meet a guy and if he's not asking me out, then cut him loose.
It took about a year but I met someone who was serious about me (not online) and am with him nearly a year.

I think if you're serious about dating (and not just texting) then you just have to be more ruthless about how you spend your time interacting with these guys.

ibarelycare

Online dating can be very difficult for people in rural areas. If a guy is talking to you and another girl, for example, and he thinks you're both nice girls but the other girl lives near him, then chances are he'll decide to put the energy into her.

I've done online dating a few times and I've always enjoyed it. I met my ex and my current boyfriend on dating sites actually! But I lived near enough to the city that it was easy to just hop in the car or on a bus to meet up with someone without a huge amount of planning.

OP how old are you? Maybe it might be worth going down some other routes for the time being. Do you have any single friends? Would you consider something like speed dating? They have speed dating nights in a lot of cities in Ireland on a regular enough basis. If you got a couple of your friends together you could make a night out of it and head to something like that together. If you have friends in relationships you could get them to try and set you up with one of their partner's single friends.