Confused

LegacyUser

Hi. Im in my mid 20s with a girlfriend of over 1 year. Everything has been going amazing so far - we're like best friends, spending lots of time with each other as possible, even with work and college separating us.

We've even being talking about the future - life after college, travelling etc and everything has been brill thus far.

Just before the new year she went out with her friends to see a reality tv show celebrity in a nightclub, a couple of days later i was in her house and was goin to go on the internet on her tablet, i opened up the application and a page was preloaded "how to text english numbers" ... I knew straight away that she had gotten this "celebrity"s number, checked her phone beside me, inserted the name and his name was there.

I was in bits/ raging as she lied to me, the night she went out when she came back all i could see on her facebook from friends was "so jealous of you " etc, i asked her what this was about and she said the celebs manager called her back for more photos... Me being gullable i believed.

However when i confronted her about trying to text this number (not my fault the app was loaded on that pagein the first place) , she swore on my life nothing happened and denied anything happened and she got no number. After a min i scrolled down her phone to the persons name and asked "whats this", she went quiet and said it wasnothin and after a little row we left it at that to be forgotten. We get on so.well because if we have any arguments we agreeto sort them out on the spot and not spend time fighting!

Fair enough. But! Tonight she came over to mine, i was using her tablet again, browsing the net. I tried to go onto my twitter, when hers was already logged in. A few days earlier she said she " has a twitter but never uses it".

I seen straight away shes being tweetng this "celeb" saying such things as "remember me from ireland )

Also, i know this is wrong, but her facebook was logged in also, i checked her mails from her friends from back when she went out that night before new years and i see her saying that she was kissing the celeb...at a hotel across the road seen some other explicit things that might have happened too. She even boasted about it to a couple.of.friends, she didnt want to put it on the main facebook page..."incase **name**(me) would see it" exact words!


Im in a dilemma i dont know what todo, we're unbelievable together, shes questioning me tonight why im in such a bad mood but i shrug it off... I dont know how long i can keep this act up without confronting her, i dont want to seem all nosey etc how can i confront her without her knowing i went through her messages? Thanks

P. Breathnach

It's reasonably obvious that she cheated on you. Whether she had sex with him or not is unclear, but the possibility is there. She has lied to you about her contact with him. She persists in contacting this person.

She has even boasted to her friends about scoring this person.

What's there to be confused about?

LegacyUser

Thats shocking behaviour, you deserve a lot better, and there are qa lot better women out there. She sounds pretty immature to be honest OP.

You cant really trust her anymore. She lied to you. All for some fling with a celebrity . Dump her and never look back.

LegacyUser

Simple response for you, especially if it's one of these reality shows where they're famous for sleeping with each other - dump her and go get checked by a GP to ensure you're clear of an sti

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated.

She has just gone home there, left on a high note as we always do. I can't confront her with this at the moment as there is major stuff happening in her family, i wont get into detail but a relative was in an accident and shes up and down to the hospital everyday the last few months. She says i'm her rock, ive always been there for her.

bakergirl91

Hey op. No bones about it, she is a liar and a cheat, even boasting about it to friends is horrible...... you gave her the chance to come clean and she didnt. If iti were me, I would leave. She clearly doesn't regret it as seen through her gloating. You deserve better! In terms of approaching her, I would be direct about it, you going through her messages is no where near as bad as what she did to you. And besides, you had enough evidence if her cheating before you did ! Best of luck op!

CaraMay

Op she admitted to friends that she kissed him. It doesn't matter whether he is George clooney or the boy next door, it's still cheating. On top of all she is bragging about it and then lies to you - you deserve much better. Maybe if she were honest, there would be a base to work from but she hasn't even given you that level of respect. I would walk.

ElleEm

Why would you even care what she thought about you checkin her mails?
She kissed another man, lied to you and is involving her friends by telling them and telling them she is decieving you.
If I was you, I would tell her you know, and walk away.

confsedOPhereagain!

confsedOPhereagain! wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated.

She has just gone home there, left on a high note as we always do. I can't confront her with this at the moment as there is major stuff happening in her family, i wont get into detail but a relative was in an accident and shes up and down to the hospital everyday the last few months. She says i'm her rock, ive always been there for her.

And the result is that she takes you for granted and has lied to you, and let her friends in on it.

cantdecide

confsedOPhereagain! wrote: »

Thanks for the replies, much appreciated.

She has just gone home there, left on a high note as we always do. I can't confront her with this at the moment as there is major stuff happening in her family, i wont get into detail but a relative was in an accident and shes up and down to the hospital everyday the last few months. She says i'm her rock, ive always been there for her.

Not your problem. There's never a good time. She clearly doesn't respect you. Do the right thing for you for once because it's clear she doesn't deserve your support. I feel for you but it sounds like a lifetime of hardship awaits. Good luck...

judgefudge

Hey OP. similar thing happened to me. Found out an ex had cheated and was boasting on Facebook about it. Although it wasn't a celebrity.

Why the hell are you still with her? It took a while for me to realise it but for someone to cheat on you and then BOAST about it just shows a complete lack of respect for you. She doesn't give a **** about you.

She may have family trouble at the moment but she'll get through that with the help of her family. You are not responsible for this and don't have to be her "rock". You sound like you are in denial and still love the girl so I doubt you are going to dump her. Sometimes it takes a while to break up with someone who has cheated on you. You can't turn off your feelings overnight. But this will come back to bite you. You deserve better.

Synyster Shadow

Id have it out the fact that you asked already and she lied and said it was nothing and so on and then went on having contact just says she's not sorry and she wont change. Why put yourself through it. You might think for now its ok but as months roll on you'll be thinking who next or whats she at now. Just talk and be honest and if she aint get shut of her

P. Breathnach

confsedOPhereagain! wrote: »

... She says i'm her rock...

And I say she's your quicksand.

She cheated on you; she lied to you; she told her friends that she was cheating on you; she is still trying to contact this (presumably minor) celebrity. So it's obvious that she has no remorse.

Do not be blind to what has happened, and do not sacrifice your own self-interest.

LegacyUser

O.P here. Thanks everyone for all your views and help, its great to confide in people and letme speak my mind anonymously.


I wont see her ontil next weekend, i'd rather say everything to her face rather than by phone/message.

Knowing her the way i do, i know she really likes this celeb, mad into his tv show etc and it probably was genuinely a.once off. But thats once too many. Sick and tired of being trampled on in the past, especially being in a year + relationship and getting on like another member of her family.

I would be prepared to let it slip but i know deep down it'll be in the back of my mind, and i'll just think "whats next" and over think things.

CaraMay

She us using you for support and (sorry) making an idiot of you behind your back by cheating on you and laughing with her friends.

P. Breathnach

I'm sorry that you have been let down like this. I spent a bit of time trying to figure out how a woman might compartmentalise such behaviour - perhaps having a real-world relationship with you, and a fantasy/escapist thing with this celeb. But I couldn't shake off the fact that it is the same person who is in both situations. And the fact that she told her friends about it means that it's not something that happened in a private part of her persona: it's not separated out from her real life.

I wish you the best.

LegacyUser

Op again. Thanks again.

I should mention, 2 or 3 of her friends were with her that night so they obviously know- one other friend (male,mutual friends from her college) was told on the night it happened on FBook. I seen it in her messages she was obviously very drunk writting the message but still. Im going to try make time for a suprise visit midweek, tell her what i know, without saying where i got the info, then ask her if she has anything to say for herself.

Funny ay, its her sick relatives birthday party the weekend it will be massive, just so happens my birthdays the same day. Who knows what will happen.

jantheman91

My ex broke up with me towards the end of the summer for reasons i know weren't true. Deep down i know she cheated on me.

It is what it is. End the relationship and give yourself time to grieve. I get the impression you have nobody to turn to when things go belly up so set aside some time to enjoy yourself and not worry about other peoples problems.

It may seem like the end of the world now but in 10 years time you'll either: A. not remember much about the relationship/her or B. You'll remember and realise how much of a good decision you made to get out before it was too late.

Cheating as disgusting as it sounds is partly human nature. Speaking from an evolutionary standpoint i don't believe humans were meant to be monogamous. I think monogamy became a choice that was adopted and conformed to and now we view it as ''what's supposed to happen''.

You'll get over it just like i got over it. Onwards and upwards and i hope you do the right thing and end it, for you own sake and sanity.

CaraMay

opagainagagaghah wrote: »

Who knows what will happen.

It's all down to you. Don't forget she has been trying to contact him since as well!!!

jaspertheghost

dump her ass......then sell your story to the sun....

dixiefly

Why are you concerned about the issues in her family? She wasn't too concerned when she cheated and subsequently boasted about it.

Whether you like it or not she has you down as a soft touch.

Personally I would break up with her by text telling her to check her Facebook history if she wants a reason.

LegacyUser

Op here again. Im meant to be staying in hers midweek but im going to try get up tomorrow before she visits her realtive. Sitndown with a cup of tea, adult to adult chat and confront her with no lies. Ill tell her what i know, then see if there is a solution. If not its bye bye.

I havent eaten all day and cant sleep, the thoughts of what could have happened is making the heart go 90 and making me want to confront her right now! Frustration. I need to get this off my chest instead of playing happy families pretending to act normal.

CaraMay

jcjfjjdjdjde wrote: »

see if there is a solution
.

Surely that's your call not hers??

sffc

OP - there is nothing to discuss - or there shouldn't be! You shouldn't waste the coffee or hot water because what you need to do won't take 30 seconds. Just tell her it's finished because you can't trust her and not to contact you again. Please please don't look for explanations secretly hoping this can be resolved and you can " work something out " . As you walk away remember she'll be contacting this guy or somebody else within the hour

ibarelycare

OP why would you even want to resolve this? It would be completely different if she'd kissed someone and admitted to you and was extremely sorry. In that case I believe you could forgive her and move on. But she has showed ZERO remorse, she has lied to you, she has made a complete fool of you by telling numerous friends what she has done, she has even tried to keep in contact with this guy who she cheated on you with. She sounds like a nasty piece of work, and she doesn't care for you half as much as you obviously do for her, otherwise she wouldn't treat you like this. She seems far too immature to be in an adult relationship. Why on earth do you want to stay with her?? Don't be a doormat because that's exactly how you're coming across. If she has no remorse about cheating on you with this guy and is able to lie about it so easily (not to mention you letting her off with it - her denying that the number in the phone is his, despite it being as clear as day? You letting her away with that is a bit pathetic!) it's highly possible that she's done it before and will do it again.

ManOfMystery

jcjfjjdjdjde wrote: »

Op here again. Im meant to be staying in hers midweek but im going to try get up tomorrow before she visits her realtive. Sitndown with a cup of tea, adult to adult chat and confront her with no lies. Ill tell her what i know, then see if there is a solution. If not its bye bye.

I havent eaten all day and cant sleep, the thoughts of what could have happened is making the heart go 90 and making me want to confront her right now! Frustration. I need to get this off my chest instead of playing happy families pretending to act normal.

OP, the solution was for her not to have done it in the first place.

If she had 'only' kissed the celeb, she was drunk, infatuated, did it in the heat of the moment, immediately regretted it and apologised honestly to you ..................... I might say give her another chance, if you think you can ever trust her again.

But she has cheated on you, went a bit farther than kissing by the sounds of it, lied to you, disrespected you, embarassed you by letting her friends know all about it, and still continues to obsess over this celeb. Most people who cheat once and never do it again learn from their mistakes through guilt and sorrow, unfortunately she has displayed absolutely zero guilt over this betrayal, which suggests to me she would have no qualms in doing it again. I'm sorry to be harsh, but you are way, way down in her list of priorities and you should have enough respect for yourself to kick this toxic girl out of your life.

I've never understood the obsession some people have with celebrities. They're just humans like us who happen to be on camera a lot more. If your girlfriend is shallow enough to throw away your relationship just for an ego-boost from being intimate with a 'celeb', then you're better off without her.

Holsten

Really, OP? REALLY?!

You don't need to wait, or be nice, or do anything in person, nothing of the sort!

End the relationship NOW! The sooner you end it the sooner you can start getting over it. If this was me it would have been over the second I found out about it...

Contact her and tell her its over, and then never contact her again.

LegacyUser

op here again. Thank you so so much for all your suggestions and comments. I told her that imcoming up later that I need to talk to her. She thinks she's getting a surprise?? well she's in for one!!

I've 2 A4 sheets here with everything im goin to say paraphrased.

The lies, embarrasment, constant persuing, not caring as must as I do, wasted a year to get with 'the hotest guy in the world', no trust anymore will always be thinking about it, hotel room etc etc.

I'll have my side then leave, leaving her the letter.

ibarelycare

rgergdfgdfsgd wrote: »

op here again. Thank you so so much for all your suggestions and comments. I told her that imcoming up later that I need to talk to her. She thinks she's getting a surprise?? well she's in for one!!

I've 2 A4 sheets here with everything im goin to say paraphrased.

The lies, embarrasment, constant persuing, not caring as must as I do, wasted a year to get with 'the hotest guy in the world', no trust anymore will always be thinking about it, hotel room etc etc.

I'll have my side then leave, leaving her the letter.

Fair play to you. And don't feel like you can't say that you snooped on her Facebook. There's no way she can throw that back in your face. I don't agree with people checking up on their partners, unless they have a real solid reason to suspect something. She left her twitter signed in so you accidentally saw those posts to the guy, and only then did you feel you needed to check her Facebook.

Best of luck with tonight.

ElleEm

ibarelycare wrote: »

Fair play to you. And don't feel like you can't say that you snooped on her Facebook. There's no way she can throw that back in your face. I don't agree with people checking up on their partners, unless they have a real solid reason to suspect something. She left her twitter signed in so you accidentally saw those posts to the guy, and only then did you feel you needed to check her Facebook.

Best of luck with tonight.

By the sounds of it, there are enough people who know for it to have gotten to you any other way, OP.

Good luck!

P. Breathnach

rgergdfgdfsgd wrote: »

op here again. Thank you so so much for all your suggestions and comments. I told her that imcoming up later that I need to talk to her. She thinks she's getting a surprise?? well she's in for one!!

I've 2 A4 sheets here with everything im goin to say paraphrased.

The lies, embarrasment, constant persuing, not caring as must as I do, wasted a year to get with 'the hotest guy in the world', no trust anymore will always be thinking about it, hotel room etc etc.

I'll have my side then leave, leaving her the letter.

It's good to look her in the eye when you tell her that you are finished with her. There is some dignity in that.

I don't think that you need all the other stuff. She will probably ask you why you are finishing, and I suggest that the only answer that you give her is to name this guy. She will understand, and you will have left her with nothing to use as any kind of self-justification.

Sorry you have been hurt.

RossFixxxed

When you look back at these situations after the anger / hurt fades you will usually feel better for taking the high ground.

I think the above poster is right. Just say it straight and simple and leave. You'll thank yourself and ensure you don't look like the bad guy.

I'm sorry this all happened man, it's a HORRIBLE feeling. It's not easy. Keep your chin up and we're all here for you!

jantheman91

Best of luck with the talk man!

Like RossFixed said keep your head up and pop back on here if you need anything

Onwards and upwards.

LegacyUser

OP here. Thank you all so much for your support.

Went up to her today and told her that i knew everything and that id give her a chance to explain everything and that I didnt want to be lied to. She told me she kissed him, peck on the cheek. I was about to leave and on my way out i mentioned the hotel, but she showed me all the messages about the hotel and twitter.

Turns out they were her mates on her page messing about it. the FBook page about her in the hotel to her mate (mate no.1) - her mate (no.2) was in a chipper on the night and my gf and her other mates went off with ut her - they came home ( the girl in chipper was going back to someone elses house) and made up a story about her being in the hotel - ok I know its a REALLY bad joke/idea but i do believe its her friend on her page that night - the way she types isnt her.

Also, boasting on FBook about shifting the 'celeb' it was her mate too. She showed me herself ALL the messages I had already seen, plus the twitter ones, turns out it was her frineds on both the pages too. I believe her as her mates are younger and immature (we dont really get on) and they would definitely do this ( seen it before, they would 'shift' anything with a pulse')


Bottom line, she kissed him, drinken in front of everyone, in the nightclub, i have proof of this and have been talking to her friends. We were very emotional today and i;m glad we talked her through and in fairness she showed me all the messages about the hotel and twitter and told me it was her friends. It's definitely true.

We had a huge chat for about 2 hours about all possibilities and opened up to each other emmensely. We're perfect together at the end of the day and that's all that matters. About the boasting, it wasnt her fault, but the kiss of the wannabe celebe is, and she knows that and is sorry. she has deleted his no. and all contact prior today. she showed me and it's true. we had a big 'DMC' andeverything is perfect, could not be happier.

Thank you all so much. (PS soprry for some spelling mistakes, keyboard is FK*D!)

CaraMay

Hope it works out for your good op.

sReq | uTeK

Hope it works out, personally I don't believe the story but it's not for me to believe, best of luck.

ManOfMystery

I don't buy the story at all, it's been used as an excuse by people countless times before : "It was my mates, not me". It still doesn't explain why she lied about Twitter usage and some other things sound off.

But anyhow, I'm not her BF so it's up to you how you proceed - I genuinely hope it works out well for you though.

judgefudge

I kinda thought even from your first few messages that you weren't going to break up with her. I don't know if it was her mates or not but I would say to just keep your eyes open. She has acted badly even if you believe what she says.

Look after yourself and don't bury your head in the sand.

Herrick

Even if you believe it was her friends on FB...

She still took his number and was trying to find out how to text it, then lied to your face about it, is that not enough to show you what she's at?

I think your blinded by love here unfortunately, all I'll say is keep your eyes open and I hope that it will work out.

But with the greatest respect I honestly think all your doing is sticking your head in the sand

Brego888

There's a huge smell of bull**** off her explanation OP.
All too convenient given what she was trying to hide from you.
And i agree with the other poster that judging by your previous replies you were never gonna break up with her. I think you were always going to believe what explanation she gave you.

Having said that you've gotta go with your gut feeling so I hope you're right.
I'd still maybe ask an objective friend on their opinion.
Good luck

cantdecide

OP, I wonder how you would feel if she'd come home with some randomer's phone number and had been attempting to engage said randomer after getting home. You have cleared the air for now OP but seriously, I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her. Of course, I would never wish to be proved right but I will tell you to protect yourself as best you can.

LegacyUser

Wow, I don't often feel compelled to reply to threads but I did to this one. It's not what you want to hear, but it seems patently clear to me and others that this girl is making a complete fool of you. I don't doubt that she was upset when you confronted her, she thought for a second you might actually act as most people would by throwing her to the curb after her unforgivable behaviour.

I'm sorry to sound so harsh but it actually angers me that you would have so little respect for yourself that you'd delude yourself into thinking she has done little wrong here. If it didn't seem like her writing in the FB messages, you'd have noticed at the time (you didn't, and given your initial tone in the OP, which was that you were going to forgive her pretty much regardless of what she said today, you would have mentioned had you noticed). You even said yourself she was drunk, which would account for the (likely) minor differences in the way she writes. I feel sad that you're letting this girl off the hook, you sound like a decent bloke and deserve far better than this. Unfortunately it seems you have completely lost all perspective on the situation and are choosing to ignore the reality of what's happened.

All the best but I'm absolutely certain that you are wasting your own time here and will come to regret this decision. It might take you a while, and I'm quite sure that there will be other suspicions of cheating in the not so distant future, but eventually, you'll come to realise the true nature of this girl. I just hope you don't waste too much more time before you come to this realisation.