She stopped saying I love you.

LegacyUser

Seems like such a little thing, but it's bugging me a bit lately and I'm not sure if it should.

I've been going out with this woman for just over 6 months now. Things started off very well! Quickly fell in love with this girl however I waited until we were together about 5 months to tell her. We had always been very vocal about how much we liked each other and how crazy we were about eachother all along and when I told her I loved her, she said it back. Over the next month or so she would tell me every day almost that she loved me and I would tell her. Things were going great!

Around christmas time however things started to change. She is in a bad mood most days since and always really tired. She started to say she loved me less and less until it stopped a couple of weeks ago. she stopped texting me it around the same time. Now, if I tell her I love her these days she doesn't say it back, just ignores it and changes the subject. Sometimes she can laugh when I say it which hurts a bit. She did this tonight which is why I'm here.

We don't see each other very often, usually once a week because we live around 50 miles from eachother. It's becomes harder and harder to meet up with her due to the moods and she comes accross as if she's not too bothered. When I try to plan something with her she usually isn't very receptive and says she isn't one for planning ahead. I understand this can be hard as she has a kid to look after and works as well.

I've asked her if something had changed since christmas and pointed out why I was worried and she just told me not to overthink things... So am I overthinking things or over-reacting do you think? Should I just stop saying it? Is it that important?

Sorry if this sounds silly.

CaraMay

It's very important and she is not being fair to you at all. She is mistreating you by laughing at you when you say you love her.

I would drop all contact as she has no respect for you and seems to be playing some stupid mind games. Don't buy into it. She won't give you a straight answer about why she is acting like this so stop asking and just stop contacting her. If she loves you she will come after you and start to behave herself.

jantheman91

Are you me?

I've learned the hard way that when a girl you're seeing brushes off chances to meet et cetera the relationship is over.

I get the impression her mind is elsewhere possibly on someone else? I'd sit down and talk about it but my gut feeling says that her heart isn't in it anymore.

Abi

Sounds like things have fizzled out for her, and she's unfairly stringing you along. Drop this one like a hot potatoe OP.

daisybelle2008

I don't believe she is playing 'mind games' with you, it looks like she is losing interest and just not that into you anymore. It happens, especially after the honeymoon period. People losing interest are honestly not putting effort into some mind game strategy, they just couldn't be that arsed, hard as it is to hear, reduction in effort and affection just means they want to move on and bump uglies with someone new, and really aren't that bothered messing with your head.
Take the hint and pull back a bit, don't invest any more emotion.

Wibbs

daisybelle2008 wrote: »

I don't believe she is playing 'mind games' with you, it looks like she is losing interest and just not that into you anymore. It happens, especially after the honeymoon period.

This, though IMHO the honeymoon period didn't really fully engage for her and it was more coming from your side and she went along with it as it was fun and different. I'd back right off. TBH I'd cut contact entirely in your position.

ibarelycare

I don't think you should just cut contact, you've spent 6 months of your life with this woman and you are in love with her. It's not like it's just a relationship of a few weeks. Unfortunately it does seem like things have changed on her side and she's obviously not dealing with things very well. Maybe she's trying to ignore it as she doesn't want to face going through a breakup right now.

If I was in your position I'd try and meet up with her and tell her that you feel her heart isn't in the relationship any more, that it's all very one-sided, that she isn't treating you fairly and that you want to break up with her. Her reaction will speak volumes. If she agrees without a fight then you'll know that this is what she wanted. If she does try and put up a fight then maybe her behaviour has been down to something else, and perhaps you can work through this together.

But I would prepare yourself for the worst, from what you describe it's not looking too good I'm afraid

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your replies so far. I don't think I could give up on her completely right now as I don't think I've given things enough time. Strangely enough, the following morning she sent me a text telling me that she loved me and how crazy she was about me. I understand though this doesn't mean that things are all fine.

It's hard to believe that she wasn't interested all those months or that she is stringing me along. She has introduced me to her whole family (very big family), and even introduced me to her child. We made a lot of plans together before christmas like moving in together in a few months. We we're looking at places and I know she's still looking because she sends me on any nice houses she finds. We have a weekend booked away in 3 weeks that she suggested we do for our birthdays. It's hard to fathom that she wasn't serious about me, especially since she brought me into the childs life as well.

I'm going to take your advice to not get any more emotionally invested than I already am and when the time is right to sit down and have a talk with her if things haven't improved in the next week or 2.

dannyc31

dont you think it may of been all very fast all too soon? i mean i know you say you're madly in love with her but in reality its only been 6 months and you said yourself often you would only see each other once a week.

i wonder do you always dive head first into relationships like this its sounds like you might be a little needy. to be talking about moving in together after 6 months seems a little extreme to me.

anyway the point is she probably was mad about you all along but unfortunately like lots of realtionships one persons feelings can just change. she was probably having doubts here and there along the way and perhaps took a step back over the christmas period and assessed what she wanted and maybe realised everything just happened way too fast and is totally not ready for such a big commitment just yet. this might not mean its over, she may feel it be better to stop giving signals that she is ready for moving in together and the best may to do this is to not say she loves you so much because them in your mind there is no reason why you cant move in together.

i thing you need to sit down with her and speak to her about this, ask her are things moving a bit too fast for her and would she feel better taking a bit of a step back. she may even want out completely but they only way you're gonna know for sure is if you sit down and talk to her.

shalalala

I might be jumping the gun here a bit but I can blow very hot and cold like this. I had to tell my OH quite early on that I have a tendency to get a bit down and depressed and I am never sure how it is going to come to the surface.

Luckily he has stayed with me, but I still make an effort to let him know how much I love him, even on my lowest days.

I think you need to tell her that you love her and it is important for you that she feels the same way back. Give her the opportunity to tell you if her feelings have changed at all. Then you know if you need to leave or work on things with her.

CaraMay

I would worry that she is just hanging until after the trip. I wouldn't go on it unless she gets a bit more 'hot'.