ex oh having tough time - should i contact

LegacyUser

my ex oh (had been going out for 11 years, broke up almost one year ago; i initiated split) contacted me the other day. he's having a tough time and had a really traumatic event last week when he found someone dead while out walking. he has said by text that he just wants to talk, be distracted from what is going on in his head since this happened. Although i had said to him to ever contact me if he needed anything, im not sure if i should give him a call. i do feel him for him and he has had a rough time over past while, but im in a different headspace. i was talking to his flatmate today who told me hasnt been eating or sleeping since it happened and he told me he has heard him screaming out at night and has had to go into him to wake him from whatever dreams/nightmares he is having.
should i return his call? just listen and offer any support if he needs it?

The Princess Bride

Hi OP.

I think 11 years is a long time to have spent together.
From what you've said,it sounds as if he's made contact-specifically-because of this incident which has upset him, as indeed,I'm sure it would upset most people .
(For what it's worth,my brother in law happened upon his sister who'd died suddenly -2 years later,he is still having huge problems dealing with having been the first to find her- this is a significant trauma for anyone).

If it were an ex of mine,I would have no problem in meeting up for a coffee,and I'd come prepared with a list of bereavement counsellors who could help him cope with the trauma/nightmares.
Then you can hopefully go back to your own life,knowing you've helped in a small way.
Not too much to ask for after a long relationship,surely?

Best of luck.

CaraMay

Oh god love him. Yes I would help him if I could at all.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice; im not even sure why i was hesitating to contact him now.
i called his this morning and we had a quick chat and have arranged to meet up later for a coffee. i have got contact details for a few counsellors in his area. i mentioned it to him and he is very open to it as he cant understand or process why this event has hit him so hard. he has talked to his friends, family and people in work about it, so im glad he's using all the supports he can.
we did share a huge part of our lives together and he is a fantastic guy who would help any one out so i'm glad i can be of some small help to him now.

CaraMay

You are doing the right thing. Hope he is ok...

LegacyUser

Met him up with him for coffee on friday. he's going through periods of feeling ok and then feeling overwhelmed. he's meeting up with counsellor this week so hopefully that will help him. i think its crazy that after this happened no one was in touch with him to see if he was ok. he obviously is thinking of this man and his family a lot but at least can see the positive that he found him and his family might have some comfort from that.
it was strange seeing him again but we had a really lovely chat about lots of other things going on in our lives. he apologised for contacting me but im glad he did and im glad that with advice i received i felt able to contact him and be there for him. i have told him not to even hesitate in contacting me again. he's been through a lot and im glad i can offer my support to him. thanks

CaraMay

Fair play to you op. that must have been a horrendous thing to happen him do well done for being there when he needed a chat!!!