Do parents have a favourite child?

nervous_twitch

As someone who has yet to spawn, this question has tormented me for years; the kind of question you can't ask those with children lest they give you filthy looks and spit in your general direction. And so I turn to the folks of AH and ask: do parents have a favourite child? The finest specimen of their genetic exchange? I guess I could probably ask my own, but I'm afraid I already know the answer... I know technically you're meant to say they're all beautiful and unique in their own ways, but if you had to spend a day with only one of them, who would you choose?

TLDR: F*ck my eldest brother

admiralofthefleet

im the middle child so was always left out in the wilderness. i have 1 child myself so he is my favourite

efb

yes, and no-one that posts on boards was it.

Fr_Dougal

Of course they do, it's human nature. You can't love all of them equally.

nervous_twitch

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Of course they do, it's human nature. You can't love all of them equally.

Interesting.. So what makes a parent prefer a certain child? Is it just a personality thing?

Frynge

Yes, I am all parents favourite child.

Death and Taxes

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Of course they do, it's human nature. You can't love all of them equally.

Yes you can, very easily actually!

My name is URL

nervous_twitch wrote: »

TLDR: F*ck my eldest brother

What's in it for me?

admiralofthefleet

nervous_twitch wrote: »

Interesting.. So what makes a parent prefer a certain child? Is it just a personality thing?

say you have 2 children and 1 of them in ginger....go figure

Czarcasm

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Of course they do, it's human nature. You can't love all of them equally.

My parents hated us all equally!

Turtyturd

My parents have two...my sister because she is the only girl, and my younger brother because he is the youngest...they only have 3 kids.

nervous_twitch

My name is URL wrote: »

What's in it for me?

You get the champion offspring, what more could you want?

The Big Red Button

WileyCoyote wrote: »

Yes you can, very easily actually!

Your kids are on Boards, too, yeah?

F1ngers

nervous_twitch wrote: »

And so I turn to the folks of AH and ask: do parents have a favourite child?

Of course we do - it's the first born.
The rest are for spares in case firsty gets hurt/ill.

CathyMoran

I could not pick between my son and daughter - they are both great fun and we went through so much to have them.

My parents did have a favourite and that was my older brother and they always made it perfectly clear:( another reason why I am determined that my children feel equally loved.

chughes

A lot can depend on the age of the child and the nature of the relationship as the child grew up. Not only could you have a situation where one child is favoured over the others but you could have a situation where one child is not liked as much as the others.

I would say these scenarios are more likely with a father than a mother as mothers are biologically programmed to like and protect their own children.

I can't imagine any parent having a favourite child, some children are perhaps more easy to like... they have easy going likable personalities, but deep down normal parent love the children equaley..its difficult to explain.

The Big Red Button

There were a few favourites in my family, and I was never one of them. I'm cool with that, and I wouldn't have wanted it any other way! I'm a hell of a lot tougher and more independent than any of the 'favourites'.

Very few parents love all their children in the exact same way; very few treat their children in the exact same way. If they do, they're not treating them as individuals, in my opinion.

mfceiling

I've 3....i love them all...equally.

They've got their own traits and ways of going on.

2rkehij30qtza5

I love my children EQUALLY. In no way do I have a favourite.

nocoverart

nervous_twitch wrote: »

Interesting.. So what makes a parent prefer a certain child? Is it just a personality thing?

I think it's more shallow than that TBH. I think it comes down to simply who is the best looking and/or most intelligent, sad but true.

cantdecide

mariaalice wrote: »

I can't imagine any parent having a favourite child,

In our house there was no actual favourite and favouritism was definitely shown to my sister beyond any shadow of a doubt. To this day, we all laugh about the things she got away with!

In our house growing up, my sister was the first born and the apple of my father's eye. I think about the time when I was 12 or so and I spent my pocket money on materials to paint my bike and she stole the spray paint and went on a tagging rampage around the house, the walls and anything that could use a touch of electric blue! When my dad saw all the graffiti I was punished for having the spray paint by being made clean it all up and nothing was said to her.

There are countless examples

Fr_Dougal

cantdecide wrote: »

In our house there was no actual favourite and favouritism was definitely shown to my sister beyond any shadow of a doubt. To this day, we all laugh about the things she got away with!

In our house growing up, my sister was the first born and the apple of my father's eye. I think about the time when I was 12 or so and I spent my pocket money on materials to paint my bike and she stole the spray paint and went on a tagging rampage around the house, the walls and anything that could use a touch of electric blue! When my dad saw all the graffiti I was punished for having the spray paint by being made clean it all up and nothing was said to her.

There are countless examples

Generally the official line is that "there are no favourites" or "I love all of them", but that's just the unwritten 'parent code', you have to toe the line and pretend there's no favourite or you're accused of being a bad parent.

Truth is, there are favourites and not all are treated the same...as was the case in your family.

im invisible

jimmy, you're the favourite, ssh dont tell mary

mary, you're the favourite, sshhh, dont tell jimmy

paddy! get in here and clear down that table!

skyfall2012

There are a lot of good parents and bad parents out there in varying degree. Which means that you have parents who love all their children for who they are equally and you have parents who don't like their children for who they are, because they are not what that parent wants them to be. We see it in the movie's all the time.

I would like to add my children are very different individuals and I would die for both of them.

nervous_twitch

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Generally the official line is that "there are no favourites" or "I love all of them", but that's just the unwritten 'parent code', you have to toe the line and pretend there's no favourite or you're accused of being a bad parent.

Truth is, there are favourites and not all are treated the same...as was the case in your family.

Are you a parent? Or is this what happened to you as a child? ..this is all getting very Dr.'s couch..

Fr_Dougal

nervous_twitch wrote: »

Are you a parent? Or is this what happened to you as a child? ..this is all getting very Dr.'s couch..

As a parent and a schoolteacher.

Tombo2001

Interesting question.

I think the possibility of having a favourite child was probably a lot stronger in previous generations as its my belief that parents today are more involved with their kids, spend more time with them, are involved more in their development as personalities. And I cant think of any family with young kids I know where the parents have a favourite, certainly not one where its in any way noticeable.

I may be way wrong there of course.

But fathers especially in previous generations were not all that involved with the kids, or many of them werent. And in that situation it might have been a lot easier to have a favourite.

I think parents today spend a lot more time thinking about parenting per se, as opposed to say, providing for the kids.

WoollyRedHat

I'm an only child... no choice.

Liking is not the same as loving! I would cut off my right arm for my children, one of them was very difficult as a teenage, but we have become close now that she is an adult.. she has become very like me which I am most surprised about.

Pottler

Heir and a spare. I'm very fond of the spare though, he is small and cuddly. The Heir is a bit of a git somtimes, there's a lot of entitlement issues..

Wooder79

There were five of us and my dad always says that he treated us all with equal contempt But seriously, even though my late sister was always very sick and therefore sometimes needed a bit more time than the rest, there were no favourites in our house.

I only have one myself, so for the moment at least, she's my favourite If I do half as good a job with her as my parents did with us I will be very proud of myself.

chillywilly

I am the father of one child and I can say for definite that she is my favourite.

Tombo2001

the flip side of this is that very young children at least most definitely have a favourite parent.....not much men can do to match the power of the boob.

nervous_twitch

Wooder79 wrote: »

there were no favourites in our house..

But how do you know? Of course parents try and treat all kids the same, but naturally they might think one is cooler than the other.

Edit: Cooler being the wrong word, just more fun or something?

Wooder79

Well maybe they did, I don't know what goes on in their heads of course, but if they did they never showed it.

anncoates

Not really. You love all your kids equally but they're people with personalities so it's normal that you might end up getting on with one child more than the others.

Wexy86

There's 6 of us in it, the eldest is def the favourite, was the prodigal first born boy - the golden boy as we call him. premature in the early 70's, needed a blood transfusion, baptised in the hospital as they werent sure he'd ever leave - miracle and all that crap :-)

The mammy still picks up his fav food in her weekly shop and rings him every day to see if he's calling in for dinner. He's 42 btw. As for the rest of us, tough!! No begrudging all the same, she'd do my head in if she called me every day.

Granted I'm the youngest at 26 but I'm definitely the most indepenendant as when it came to rearing me the folks just gave up hope and let me be, they were too tired to go through it all again!

catchery

i thought it impossible to love my next baby as much as my first child , and found this quite freaky sometimes when i was pregnant! i thought my first was perfect ! but of course i had the same instant love for my second child and cried laughing for being so silly! i am still completely in love with both! no problem! no favourite! both perfect to me !

Fixer Upper

I think it pretty complicated -
Some kids are more likeable than others
Parents think they treat their kids equally
Kids often think that they are treated worse than their siblings

I agree with Tombo though - I think parents are much more aware of it now than in the past - it doesn't mean it doesn't still happen though....

Andre Salmon

I'm the middle child, both my older sister and younger brother always said I was our mothers favourite, think it annoyed them a bit. I think we just got on really well together. I know she loved us all the same. Shes dead about 10 years or so now.
My sister was always daddys little girl and nothing has changed. never bothered me or my brother but it rankles with our wives!
Ive a daughter and a son and think its impossible how I could ever have a favourite, both beautiful and different.

cuana

My mother is terrible!! Its actually very sad really & I have seen her deeply hurt others feelings including mine at times by her persistent gloating about her eldest boy! He is great but so all the rest of us

I'm still seriously bitter about the fact that she never turned up for my graduation :mad:

monkeysnapper

We have a 3 year old girl and she's a real daddy's girl .you hear people saying that their children become almost their best friends because you can't wait to go play with them.

Then we had news our second child was on way , I remember thinking I hope I will love this one as much and no more or less . We had a boy, he is 7 months now . While myself and daughter play soccer in hall way and have craic all you can see is his smiling face and his legs kicking. I'm just hoping now when he starts walking they won't leave me out of playing soccer .

Pottler

I switch it weekly, keeps the little feckers on their toes.

Andre Salmon

Pottler wrote: »

I switch it weekly, keeps the little feckers on their toes.

heh good idea
our two do that to us though- no i want dad/ no i want mam.
reverse favouritism

oldyouth

Love both to bits, couldn't have a favourite. They each have unique aspects of their personalities that make me so proud, as well as enjoying their company. As another poster mentioned, it is easy for me to treat them as equals as neither is a ginger

orestes

I'm the third of four boys. Not sure if they have a favourite, but someone definitely has to come last.

Oldest, first born son, sorted.
Youngest, speaks for itself.
Left me and the other guy fighting it out in the middle. He pulled a pre-emptive strike and nearly died while being born, cheating bastard :mad:

Burky126

Nothing wrong with not being a favourite child....as long as you're not the Fredo child. :pac:

EoghanIRL

Daughters will always be daddy's little girl , just sayin

Faith

My mum always insisted that there was no favourite, but it was clearly my brother. A first-born boy will always be the favourite in most Irish households, I think!

fergiesfolly

We only have the one. And sometimes...she's still not the favourite. If you're a parent, you'll get this.