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Some random, some oldies

  • 14-01-2013 7:01pm
    #1
    Mossin
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,219 ✭✭✭


    Sean Connery gets a call from his agent one day. The agent goes, "Sean, I've got you a job - starts tomorrow, early. You'll have to be there for 10-ish".

    Sean furrows his brow and says
    "Tennish? but I don't even have a racquet."

    =========================================================

    I went for an interview today as a labourer . The interviewer asked me could i make a cup of tea? yes i said.
    He then said can you drive a Forktruck?

    How big is the teapot i said ?
    ======================================================

    Two guys trying to get in a quick eighteen holes, but
    there are two terrible lady golfers in front of them
    hitting the ball everywhere but where it's supposed to go.

    The first guy says, "Why don't you go over and ask if we
    play through?"
    The second guy gets about halfway there and comes back.
    The first guy says, "What's wrong?"
    He says, "One of them is my wife, and the other one
    is my mistress."
    The first guy says, "That could be a problem. I'll go over."
    He gets about halfway there and comes back.
    The second guy says, "What's wrong?"
    The first guy says, "What a Small world."
    ========================================================

    Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?
    A. Marry it.

    Q. What do you get when you cross two black people?
    A. Your ass kicked

    Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the house?
    A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.

    Q: What's blue and f*cks old people?
    A: Hypothermia

    Q: What did One gay sperm say to another?
    A: How do we find an egg in all of this ****?

    Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
    A: It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?

    Q: How do you make and orphans hands bleed?
    A: Tell her to clap handies until daddy comes home.

    Q: What's the difference between purple and pink?
    A: The grip.

    Q: What happened to Jesus when he went to Mount Olive?
    A: Popeye kicked the **** out of him.

    Q: What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman?
    A: Sexual harassment.

    Q: What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man?
    A: $3.99 a minute.

    Q: What's the difference between a woman with her period and a terrorist?
    A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.


    Q: How do Greeks separate the men from the boys?
    A: With a crowbar.


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