being bi and relationships

LegacyUser

Hello there,

I'm going anon for this post because I don't want my partner to see it. Basically I'm bi and I'm in a relationship with a woman and we're very happy together and I'm very satisfied with everything. However, I often dream of having sex with men and I also fantasize about having sex with men.

We have a great sex life and I love her very much but sometimes I feel guilty or worried that I might eventually cheat. I really don't think I actually will cheat on her, I couldn't live with myself, but sometimes I do have urges to have sex with men. Does this happen to anyone else who is bi or is it just me?

I was in a relationship with a man for several years and I did fantasize about women and dream of them but not as frequently and the urge to have sex with women wasn't as strong as my urge to have sex with men is now. I feel like a terrible partner.

baby and crumble

Well op, all I can really tell you is that in my experience, everyone fantasises. I do not subscribe to the school of thought that says you can't desire anyone other than your current partner. That's horse sh1t.

So what if your fantasies are about men? You're bisexual so of course they would be! It's only when you start acting on these fantasies that you risk hurting your partner by cheating. But I'd say the same if you were having fantasies and thoughts about other women.

I am under no illusions that my gf who is bi has fantasies about men. I have fantasies about Lea Michele and Jennifer Lawrence finally realising that they both fancy the arse off an overweight 30 year old dapper butch from Ireland, why wouldn't my gf daydream about David Boreanaz sweeping her off her feet? Truth is we both know they are fantasies and it doesn't impact how much we love or are attracted to each other. I trust her, she trusts me.

So don't beat yourself up over your fantasies and 'might be's'. If you're worried about cheating, chances are you won't because you're so paranoid about it!!!

lazorgirl

Hi OP, firstly can identify with a lot of what you say.fantasies are meant to be fun & a good sign of our healthy active sexual imaginations. i have had fantasies about my partner being with men and me present observing and sometimes joining in. not a fantasy i have acted on yet but there's plenty of time.
you say you your gf have a good relationship so why not set some time aside to talk about your fantasies and hers, and decide which if any you both would like to explore further?

paulmorro

baby and crumble wrote: »

Well op, all I can really tell you is that in my experience, everyone fantasises. I do not subscribe to the school of thought that says you can't desire anyone other than your current partner. That's horse sh1t.

So what if your fantasies are about men? You're bisexual so of course they would be! It's only when you start acting on these fantasies that you risk hurting your partner by cheating. But I'd say the same if you were having fantasies and thoughts about other women.

I am under no illusions that my gf who is bi has fantasies about men. I have fantasies about Lea Michele and Jennifer Lawrence finally realising that they both fancy the arse off an overweight 30 year old dapper butch from Ireland, why wouldn't my gf daydream about David Boreanaz sweeping her off her feet? Truth is we both know they are fantasies and it doesn't impact how much we love or are attracted to each other. I trust her, she trusts me.

So don't beat yourself up over your fantasies and 'might be's'. If you're worried about cheating, chances are you won't because you're so paranoid about it!!!

+1

These fantasies are the same as any straight or gay person. Why is it hitting you more now? Maybe you are slightly more attracted to men then women. Maybe you're just realizing it more in this relationship. Whatever the reason it doesn't really matter. The decision not to act on it while you're with someone else is the same that anyone else has to face.

LegacyUser

Thank you so much for your replies and advice, I really appreciate it. I am feeling less guilty about the whole thing now, I know that it is normal to fantasize. I guess my worry is that I know she would be hurt if she knew how much I'm fantasizing about men.

I think we're both overcompensating and reassuring each other that we don't miss men because previously I thought of myself as more attracted to men than women and she has only gone out with men aside from me and didn't even realise she might be bi before she met me.

So there is a bit of worry on both sides about missing male relationships. I think this is why I feel I am betraying her. I know that any sort of threesome or exploration wouldn't be ok with either of us as we want to be monogamous and I don't think that would be right for us anyway although I know that it works for other people.

I love her very much and would never want to hurt her but I guess I have to realise that fantasizing does not equal cheating and it is ok to do so. I still fantasize about women and I'm very attracted to my gf so I know that there is no problem there. I'm sorry for rambling on and thank you for reading and responding!