End of first relationship.

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

I know there has been countless threads like this but just want to vent and stuff.

My girlfriend just broke up with me about a half and hour ago. Basically she said things were not going great for her, the spark just wasnt there etc and she had been mulling things over for six or seven weeks. It is the end of my first relationship so its especially crappy.

Anyway, I dont actually feel anything right now, didnt cry or anything when it happened, feel kind of numb to be honest. I also felt the past while that things were going a bit stale and she wasnt really being all that interested in me, not kissing me etc. I was sort of thinking the same thoughts as her but maybe not to the same point.

All I want is some advice now as to what to do with myself, as she is out of my life now, I don't really have anything apart from college. I suppose the stereotypical thing of doing some exercise and things like that should help?

I am not mad at her at all and would like to stay friends as would she, but I am not an idiot, we cannot be friends now. We basically have to have no contact for a while but what should I do about facebook and that sort or thing? Would it be best to block her, that's not something I would like to do.

Anyway, just looking for some tips as to what should I do in the immediate future with myself? I would assume not going out would be good for a while!

Thanks

Holsten

Here is what you do.

CUT ALL CONTACT!
This means you delete her from your life! Phone? Gone! Facebook? Blocked! Any e-mails/text messages/pictures you have of her, delete. You must do this, quicker it's done the quicker you'll feel better. Number 1 rule!

Get yourself to the gym, start to improve yourself for yourself. Pick up some new hobbies, start hanging out with friends, try to make new ones.

I wouldn't advise trying to go out on the pull for a while yet.

But the number one thing you need to do is completely cut her out of your life and accept that it is over, she is not coming back. Forget about being friends, maybe in a year or two!

Good luck man!

LegacyUser

Thanks for that Houston, my friend was broken up with nearly a year ago and he didnt delete her for a while and he went through hell. I really dont want to go through that.

Can I ask how do I deal with mutual friends? Like a lot of my friends I got through her etc etc. I will delete all contact with her etc once I get my stuff from hers and sort that out.

Isnt life a bitch

IrishEyes19

if you agree to be friends and its mutual, the whole blocking on fb, ect, seems unfair especially if its random. It looks bitter and angry. On the other hand if you tell her you're starting afresh and do that, its ok. Ive no problem with blocking and cutting contact, by all means do it. Just expect her to think the above if you do after agreeing to be friends ect. friends after break up usually means polite and non hostile. its usually bar a few cases, a way of saying, we're not talking, hanging out, like we used to. but if I see you around, we're cool.

do what you want. Just be sure. and clear to her what rules you're laying down.

gonebeyondajoke

Break all contact OP, I have been in your position and even seeing her on FB makes things so much harder. Its gonna be hard, its gonna hurt like hell but stay strong, thing will get better!

Lorna123

It's a bummer OP. Don't worry too much about it though. These things are all part of life. It is better that you know where you stand and can move on. I would agree with the no contact for a few months anyway until you get her out of your system. You don't want to be constantly watching her facebook page to see what she is doing etc.

The worst part of a break up is being at a loose end, having to make a new social life and feeling that there is something about yourself that isn't attractive to the opposite sex. We can't please all of the people all of the time and that is all this is right now. You are still a lovelly guy and worthy of the so many women out there looking for someone like you. I would not avoid women right now because if someone comes along it will take your mind off your ex and that situation and that is what you need right now. Go out with your friends and see what happens.

Keep in touch with everyone, except your ex and keep smiling. You are entering a new phase of your life and that is an exciting thought. Hope it all works out for you.

LegacyUser

Lorna123 wrote: »

It's a bummer OP. Don't worry too much about it though. These things are all part of life. It is better that you know where you stand and can move on. I would agree with the no contact for a few months anyway until you get her out of your system. You don't want to be constantly watching her facebook page to see what she is doing etc.

The worst part of a break up is being at a loose end, having to make a new social life and feeling that there is something about yourself that isn't attractive to the opposite sex. We can't please all of the people all of the time and that is all this is right now. You are still a lovelly guy and worthy of the so many women out there looking for someone like you. I would not avoid women right now because if someone comes along it will take your mind off your ex and that situation and that is what you need right now. Go out with your friends and see what happens.

Keep in touch with everyone, except your ex and keep smiling. You are entering a new phase of your life and that is an exciting thought. Hope it all works out for you.

I honestly dont feel that, well yet anyway. I know things just fizzled out. We had a big bust up over summer over certain issues and she said she was thinking about breaking up with me, I seemed to go through all the stages in a week. I was bargaining etc etc but within a week I accepted it as I just came to the conclusion that I have loads of friends and outside interests and being co-dependent is bad. I dont know how I came to this conclusion so fast but I did, after talking with her she decided to give it another go and it was good for a few months. Then the spark just seemed to fade and stuff, like there was no butterflies or anything like that. Basically like a glorified friendship with benefits.

I know its been only a day but I have no interest in viewing her fb actually, the only thing that would be hard is seeing her in photos. I have hidden all her content and her closest friends content so I don't accidentally see photos. I want to try this for a week anyway to see how I feel then.

Basically what I am trying to say is I don't feel like bargaining this time around or over come with sadness etc.. so that is something.

Maybe this is all one big 'calm before the storm' jobbie, but ill see! Thats why you veterans are here to guide me

PS. I am doing no contact at all, I am just trying not to block her on fb quite yet anyway.

Holsten

newly_single wrote: »

PS. I am doing no contact at all, I am just trying not to block her on fb quite yet anyway.

If you don't, you'll just find yourself checking up on her all the time.

Eventually you'll see something you don't like, e.g she has a new boyfriend. Save yourself the heartbreak and completely cut her out of your life.

jantheman91

Everything happens for a reason dude. Recently happened me. I tried the grovelling like an idiot and saying how sorry i was. Unlike most lads i was actually serious and was ready to change. It was something i was committed to but alas she wasn't interested. Just remember that nothing lasts forever, that's what's got me through it. I've got to the point where i no longer feel sad i'm just happy it's behind me.

Happiness doesn't last forever and neither does sadness. Chin up and get on with your life dude. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Roisy7

If you don't want to seem bitter you can hide her updates rather than delete her altogether.

Or maybe stay away from fb altogether.

Lorna123

The most important thing is for a person to feel fulfilled within themselves and not be relying on somone else to fulfil them. When you feel good about yourself and have other interests in life you don't fall apart when your O/H leaves you. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders, you have friends, so develop your other interests and hobbies and go out as much as you can. What's the point of staying in, you will get nowhere doing that. It takes time to adjust to a new social life so you need to start now.

MMAGirl

It won't be the last time this happens to you. It will happen may more times. And every time you'll think it's the end of the world.
And them when in your next relationship you'll wonder why you ever thought that.

LegacyUser

I explained to her that I had to delete her and she fully understood, so I have done that.

We had to meet up just there as I had to give her her clothes etc, it basically turned into an hour long sad conversation I feel good now, obviously just because I have talked to her again but I think I will be ok! Get back into college work this week, absorb myself into clubs socs and work and hope for the best I guess

I can now REALLY see why people are afraid to get into relationships, perfectly reasonable

jantheman91

newly_single wrote: »

I explained to her that I had to delete her and she fully understood, so I have done that.

We had to meet up just there as I had to give her her clothes etc, it basically turned into an hour long sad conversation I feel good now, obviously just because I have talked to her again but I think I will be ok! Get back into college work this week, absorb myself into clubs socs and work and hope for the best I guess

I can now REALLY see why people are afraid to get into relationships, perfectly reasonable

Delete everything dude. Messages, voicemails, facebook, number, even get rid of the pictures you had together. It's tough but it's worth it. One day you'll wake up and realise that she's not the end of the world (just like i have) and you'll get back to how things were before you met her. Nobody knows what's around the next corner so just enjoy your freedom and perhaps you'll find someone more suited to you who you click with even more. There's an awful lot of women out there.

I've to see my ex everyday in college and some would say it's tough. I'm starting to find it easy to deal with and there's one thing that has helped me do so - Focus on their negative traits and characteristics because as pedantic as it sounds you'll grow to 'hate' them for lack of a better word.

It may not work for you but it's what has helped me get by one of the hardest times in my life.

Sadness is a feeling and like others it won't last.

Best of luck, i know exactly how you feel.

LegacyUser

Hey guys,

Just thought I would update this. Been a month now since the break. The road so far hasn't been too bad really. At the start I totally cut contact from her, but that didn't last that long. Basically what we have now is; unfriended eachother on Facebook (Helps tonns), texting the odd time and we have met up twice in the last month.

I know that the best thing is to cut all contact. Simple as, just pull the plaster off quick. But unfortunately, as ever, it's not as simple as that emotionally.

In this month I have made out with a couple of girls, which has done my confidence a world of good tbh (Even though I feel like a creep saying it ). I have my down days (Funnily enough, usually after the days I have been drinking) but mostly good enough days!

My dad is a well of advice and according to him I just have to get out, go out as often as I can. As he said, you will want to stay at home, not have contact with the world, be in your own cocoon etc but that you have to just break out of that and go out/ go to activities etc and eventually you will get better. Basically the advice here but when its from your own family it hits home harder

The only thing that does annoy me, it doesnt actually make me particularly sad, is the constant stream of Valentines day ads/radio ads/ emails etc! Its funny as I didn't notice them before but I do now. (Thats bloody psychology for you )

Thanks for all the advice though. I know its the same advice for every potential broken heart but its nice to have it told personally.

Any advice that you guys feel I still need, please post!

Lorna123

You will feel like a fish out of water because your routine has changed so get out there and form new habits. I know, easier said than done, but you have to work at it initially before it becomes a new habit. You seem to be doing quite well and that's good. Forget about Valentine's Day. I find it very annoying myself. I can't stand the media forcing us to do things so I don't celebrate it. I would much prefer to express my love for my OH when it suits me and in the way that suits me. Glad you are doing so well.