Should I be upset?

LegacyUser

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years and we live quite a distance away from our respective parents.

While I am not very close with his mother, I always felt like we got along and she liked me. She is very close with my boyfriend.

We decided to spend Christmas day together this year and both our parents were fine with it. Or so it seemed. When visiting his parents, his mother said to my boyfriend (in front of me and all his family) - "isn't it a pity you didn't meet a girl from home". She didn't laugh afterwards and so this awkward silence just hung in the room.

On the way home, I got quite upset about what she had said and this am not sure whether I should feel this way or not. My boyfriend called her up a couple of days later and gave out to her for saying it. She said she didn't mean anything harmful by it, but I still feel weird about the situation. What should I do?

SunnyDub1

people say things without thinking all the time.
I doubt she meant any intentional harm or hurt by it.

You are and your boyf are happy and that's all that should matter.

I'd move on and forget about it.

tinkerbell

OP, I think it's extremely insulting tbh. You've been together EIGHT years and all your bf's mother has to say when you decide to spend your first christmas together is that it'd suit her better if her son was with a girl close to home instead. Clearly having a girl being from closer to home and therefore his mother can see her son every christmas is far more important than the actual woman he has been seeing for the last eight years. I think it's highly insulting, and she also seems to assume that every christmas should be spent at her house - not going to happen every year, especially if you decide to have children and most likely want to stay in your own home for christmas.

CaraMay

That's so harmless I think you are really over reacting to get 'quite upset' about it.

She didn't say anything about you personally. It was more about the distance and circumstances...

meeeeh

My parents really like my bf but there is no denying they would prefer if we'd live locally. You seem to be fairly insecure about bf's mother or family if that upset you.

CommanderC

Mother in laws can be cnuts. Id say just act like it never happened and carry on.

Luca Brasi

What is it about some Irish people that they have to live near their Mammies. The sons are as bad as the daughters. I know small towns where none of the family have moved away, married local girls or boys. A recipe for inbreeding and all its dangers

Difference Engine

"Isn't it a pity you didn't meet a girl from home?", well he didn't. He met you, you are both happy. If she isn't that's her problem and shes likely to be unhappy for a long time if thats the case.

It's a non issue for you, ignore it.

jdsk2006

Luca Brasi wrote: »

What is it about some Irish people that they have to live near their Mammies. The sons are as bad as the daughters. I know small towns where none of the family have moved away, married local girls or boys. A recipe for inbreeding and all its dangers

I live in an area like this! I am referred to as a "blow in". The inlaws are connected to every single family in the village in some shape or form.....pure daft stuff

jdsk2006

Sorry op going back to your issue. Let this one go but take it as a warning! I've a feeling you have a jealous mammy on your hands.

IrishEyes19

jdsk2006 wrote: »

Sorry op going back to your issue. Let this one go but take it as a warning! I've a feeling you have a jealous mammy on your hands.

Or maybe she just missed him at christmas and said an off hand comment as people often do. if its a once off, I dont see the reason for thinking she's jealous

LegacyUser

Depends really. Did she just mean that "isn't it a pity" that you weren't from a closer location to their home, or are you by any chance not from Ireland and took it up as her wishing he was with an Irish girl?
Both are not nice things to say, but the second one could obviously be very offensive and hurtful if it was the case - although she may not have meant it like that.

What was the context this comment was made in?

Lorna123

I think that what she meant here was that its a pity you are not from where they live and then things would be handier, not that she wished her son had a different girlfriend.

zef

Hi Op,
I think that it was a bit of a social gaffe she made for sure - thence the awkward silence, and I can understand you taking offence, but I'd give her the benefit of the doubht that she meant isn't it a pity you're not from the hometown.

Lelantos

You've been together 8 years, has she given any other hints that she isn't your biggest fan? If not I'd put it down to her missing her son & just being a bit maudlin at Xmas, if you have had some barbed comments directed your way before, perhaps ask her what's her real issue with you & see if its something that can be worked out quickly

deisemum

Whether she meant it or not and it's her first time to make such a comment you can give her the benefit of doubt but either way it was a rude comment to make.

Even if you were a local girl she shouldn't expect that ye should spend every christmas with them especially if you have a family of your own.

jdsk2006

IrishEyes19 wrote: »

Or maybe she just missed him at christmas and said an off hand comment as people often do. if its a once off, I dont see the reason for thinking she's jealous

Only time will verify this. I've missed family during Xmas, that does not give me licence to insult those they did spend Xmas with! Her comment was wreckless and in my opinion a passive lash out at her sons partner. I just think comments like that are made to hurt......just my opinion.

CollardGreens

Look at the bright side, if you lived closer then you would have to see her more often. Count your blessings!