Feeling a bit lost

LegacyUser

Try to keep this short. Basically I feel like an absolute loser at the moment. I'm soon to turn 27 f. Growing up and through my teenage years I was always excited about how my life was going to be when I was older, thought i'd have a great job travel the world, by this age I expected to have a lot more achieved and feel really down about how things have turned out. I'm stuck in a job I hate the last few years and have been unable to find the courage to leave, due to personal circumstances involving working with a family member and a somewhat controlling family. I'm currently working with a counsellor on these issues. I'm just about to finish an Honours Degree but not sure if it's really what I want to do in life. I've no idea what I want to do. I have little or no friends the ones I do have are all away. I don't own my own house, have done no travelling and have little to show for my money. I have a great bf but i'm unsure how I feel about him some days i'm head over heels about him, then others I don't even know if I like him anymore. I feel like i'm wasting my youth, I get very little joy out of life these days. Help !!!!!

SunnyDub1

would you and your boyf not consider going traveling and working abroad together ?

It will make or break your relationship and I'm sure you will meet new people and Friends on your travels.

LegacyUser

SunnyDub1 wrote: »

would you and your boyf not consider going traveling together ?

It will make or break your relationship and I'm sure you will meet new people and Friends on your travels.

I've discussed it with him I really want to go, he wasn't up for it at all at first but said when he's finished some training he's doing he'd go then. This is all that's on my mind at the minute is going to Oz.

RossFixxxed

It is all up to you. Do you want to stay in a job you hate feeling misearable, just because someone in the family will resent you?

Get the degree, even if you won't be in that area, it shows potential employers you can stick something out and looks good on a CV.

From my limited experience the more you do things because of others the worse you feel, the more resentment grows and deeper you dig.

I was in your position and I quit the miserable job. I felt physically better, mentally better and sure it was tough but I sure as hell don't regret it.

You have to decide if you want to live unhappy in others shadows or just go and move away. Do you live at home? Can you move out? Do you know anyone abroad who will put you up for a bit?

You are stuck in a rut. Things need to change from what I can see in your post. Write down what you actually want. What you will compromise on, and what you will not budge on. See what your priorities.

Someone once said to me 'life has no second take' and he promptly died a week later on xmas day. That stuck with me in a profound way and he was right. You can continue unhappy or you can start to act on a better future.

LegacyUser

RossFixxxed wrote: »

It is all up to you. Do you want to stay in a job you hate feeling misearable, just because someone in the family will resent you?

Get the degree, even if you won't be in that area, it shows potential employers you can stick something out and looks good on a CV.

From my limited experience the more you do things because of others the worse you feel, the more resentment grows and deeper you dig.

I was in your position and I quit the miserable job. I felt physically better, mentally better and sure it was tough but I sure as hell don't regret it.

You have to decide if you want to live unhappy in others shadows or just go and move away. Do you live at home? Can you move out? Do you know anyone abroad who will put you up for a bit?

You are stuck in a rut. Things need to change from what I can see in your post. Write down what you actually want. What you will compromise on, and what you will not budge on. See what your priorities.

Someone once said to me 'life has no second take' and he promptly died a week later on xmas day. That stuck with me in a profound way and he was right. You can continue unhappy or you can start to act on a better future.

No I don't live at home i've lived out of home for about 9 years. It's not as simple as just quitting if it was I would have a long time ago. I have quit jobs I didn't like before.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I'm in the same position as yourself, working in a job that is spilling into my personal time as I am so unhappy and doing a course that I know is not for me. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Try to change the situation if u can. I regularly get panic attacks at the stage and it depresses me to think that this is what life is all about.

I would change my situation if I could but can't see how I can change with the responsibilities I have. I don't wish that I font have these but I do wish that I figured out what I actually wanted to do with my life in my early 20's instead of heading into my 30's in misery

Hope you resolve this

best of luck

LegacyUser

guest today wrote: »

Hi OP,

I'm in the same position as yourself, working in a job that is spilling into my personal time as I am so unhappy and doing a course that I know is not for me. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Try to change the situation if u can. I regularly get panic attacks at the stage and it depresses me to think that this is what life is all about.

I would change my situation if I could but can't see how I can change with the responsibilities I have. I don't wish that I font have these but I do wish that I figured out what I actually wanted to do with my life in my early 20's instead of heading into my 30's in misery

Hope you resolve this

best of luck

Thanks for that. I do have an interest in what i'm doing just not entirely sure if its what I want to do with my life.

RossFixxxed

Freaking out wrote: »

No I don't live at home i've lived out of home for about 9 years. It's not as simple as just quitting if it was I would have a long time ago. I have quit jobs I didn't like before.

Don't get me wrong I KNOW it won't be easy. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression. But is it the right thing to do for you? Being controlled isn't going to work. You are currently misearable, why not do it? Making yourself more miserable in a job will ultimately be your downfall in it. Nothing worth doing is easy.

From your post you can: take action, and bite the bullet. OR continue to be controlled and miserable.

Ultimately it isn't selfish to cut ties with those who don't make you happy even if they are family. It is your life.

LegacyUser

RossFixxxed wrote: »

Don't get me wrong I KNOW it won't be easy. Sorry if I gave the wrong impression. But is it the right thing to do for you? Being controlled isn't going to work. You are currently misearable, why not do it? Making yourself more miserable in a job will ultimately be your downfall in it. Nothing worth doing is easy.

From your post you can: take action, and bite the bullet. OR continue to be controlled and miserable.

Ultimately it isn't selfish to cut ties with those who don't make you happy even if they are family. It is your life.

Don't think I don't appreciate your advice I really do. I'm just so frustrated with the situation, logically I know what I need to do but emotionally its not clicking.

kat.mac

Hi OP,

I can relate to certain aspects of what you're going through. I've just turned 27 and I'm struggling with the fact that my life isn't exactly the way I thought it would be... luckily that is balanced by the fact that I am incredibly happy with some very important aspects of my life.

When I was 25/26 I realised that my job was affecting my mental health and making me miserable. Added to that was the fact that I had moved to the opposite end of the country on my own for this job, and was so far away from all my family and friends. I vividly remember driving the length of the country home to my mam, sitting down for a cup of tea, and promptly bursting into tears at the kitchen table from the stress. That was a turning point; I realised I had to make a serious change. I did, and I've never looked back, I'm a completely different person now.

In your own case, it sounds like the change you need would be to bite the bullet and make the trip to Australia. There's nothing worse than the feeling that you're wasting your life!

Will it be long before your boyfriend will be finished his training and ready to go with you?

Starokan

Take a couple of days off and then really think about what you would really like to do. Once you decide on what it is (work , travel , house etc ) , make it your sole goal to achieve that. It doesnt matter how long it takes if you are working towards your hearts desire it will all be worth it when you get there. Without goals/aims we can just drift away the days without ever achieving anything

I can understand how you feel about the house etc but dont beat yourself up about it, that's a very Irish thing I think personally, were you living abroad you could rent all your life without thinking of it as in a lot of countries its not a priority.. What I would say is if the house is the most important thing then make that the goal you strive for.

Congrats on the honours degree:)

RossFixxxed

Samesies wrote: »

Don't think I don't appreciate your advice I really do. I'm just so frustrated with the situation, logically I know what I need to do but emotionally its not clicking.

I've been there before and it is a horrible situation. There is a huge dissonance between what you logically know and what your emotions are telling you. It needs solving.

Deep down if I said to you: You are fired. The job is over, would that take the weight off? Or would you actually want to work at the end of the day?

LegacyUser

RossFixxxed wrote: »

I've been there before and it is a horrible situation. There is a huge dissonance between what you logically know and what your emotions are telling you. It needs solving.

Deep down if I said to you: You are fired. The job is over, would that take the weight off? Or would you actually want to work at the end of the day?

If I was fired I think I would be delighted, I know that sounds terrible but it would take the weight off having to quit etc, but then again that's not solving the underlying problem is it?

RossFixxxed

No it doesn't solve the underlying issue. It does, however, show that you have some idea what you want from all this. Is it worth cutting the ties (that seem wrapped around your neck) and moving away and/or travelling?

Do you really think you can sustain this lifestyle? I don't know you, so keep in mind I can only ask general questions.

I get the impression that the path you are on, ultimately, will not work out. If you are that miserable then working properly etc becomes a nightmare and it will physically and mentally take its toll on you.

Why don't you quit? Or tell them you are having issues? Or take an extended sick cert?

bakergirl91

Hey op. You are overwhelmed with everything in both your professional and personal life. You are forgetting that 27 is still pretty young and you are better off realizing now that you are not happy than in ten years. You need to take one issue at a time, make solid arrangements, not just notions you think of like Australia. If you really want it, you gotta start doing something about it. I can see from your posts above that you are extremely unhappy in your professional life, going so far as to say that you would not mind being fired. I think the traveling would do you the world of good, to discover what you want and what you dont want.