Your Opinion

LegacyUser

Hi Everybody

Here's my story:

Going out with my oh just short of 2 years now. He are living together and things have been going good.
When I kissed him first he was in a relationship, which we ended straight away and then we started seeing each other regularly until we decided to give thins a go.

He came to my parents for Xmas this year and we just got talking that evening while having a few drinks and it came up that he text his ex a "Merry Christmas" text, I was a little taken back as he did 2 time this girl and I didn't realise they were still in contact. As a joke I said I'd love to see the reply you got and he informed me that he deleted the texts. This I was annoyed at - why delete them if its only an innocent Merry Xmas?
His response was he didn't want me to think there was anything going on etc, I gave him the benefit of the doubt this time but explained how it looked & made me feel.

We went for a few drinks after work on Tue evening and we got talking again, and I asked him if he text her "Happy New Year" to which he answered no - I was a little happy about this until he told me she text him - and again he has deleted the texts. I was so hurt and I cant help think there must be something that he does not want me to see.

He's told me he loves me, would never hurt me, I'm his life etc however as he did cheat on her with me, maybe he would do the same again. Things have been very frosty since Tue and last night he took me out for dinner.
Things were going okay until we went to show me a pic on his fone, I clicked out of it by accident while talking to him and seen he downloaded a pic of 2 girls in skimpy bikinis - I immediately went quiet.
When we were finished our dinner I asked him about it and his face turned extremely red.
I didn't want to hear the answer ( I though some girls sent him the pic) so I just left and went to my mates, apparently he stayed on & had a few drinks while sending me pleading texts not to be mad.
I cant help it though.

It turns out he uses his phone to watch porn and his pic downloaded in error.
I was totally shocked about this, I just didn't know he watched porn and I really don't know what to think about it all.

I feel at the minute that our relationship is falling apart, I do believe he hasn't cheated on me, however what the hell is going on with the Ex and I don't know what my though on him watching porn are.

Am I the one in the wrong making a big deal out of this?
Please give me your honest opinion.

Czarcasm

From your username OP I'm going to guess you're both in your 20's?

The relationship didn't start off on the best footing if he cheated on his girlfriend with you and then dumped her to be with you, so naturally you'd be a bit suspicious when you find him still texting his ex and hiding this fact from you.

The porn anyway is perfectly normal, his excuse however, isn't. It sounds like he'd tell you anything just to keep you quiet. The whole texting his ex thing probably makes him feel like he's a bit of a charmer, etc.

Just from your OP it doesn't sound like you're at all comfortable with the whole situation, so just for your own sanity I'd suggest you dump him before he turns the whole situation into a complete head melt for you.

LegacyUser

We are both in our 20's.

Things did start off on the bad foot for us however the relationship has been perfect. He really is a lovely guy and treats me so well. I think this is part of the reason I am so numb about all that is going on at the minute.
I do believe that he hasn't cheated on me, however I now feel that I'm not enough for him.

I do love him and all this is just breaking my heart - I just don't want to be walked all over.

R.D. aka MR.D

It seems like you don't trust him.

Do you want to be in a relationship that is making you worry like this?

LegacyUser

Hiya OP.

Please dont take this the wrong way but I think you're over reacting slightly. For a start I would say the majority of men (and some women) watch porn. Theres nothing to be upset or annoyed about, they are just visual images. He loves you, he sleeps with you, he is WITH you.

Secondly, I understand its upsetting when an ex texts your boyfriend. I started a past realtionship in the same way and spent the majority of it worrying about him and his ex, or him with other girls. You can choose to let this worrying destroy your relationship or trust your boyfriend. Without trust there is no real point in being together.

If I was in his shoes and my ex was texting me, I would also delete the messages. Both out of respect for my current boyfriend and because I just wouldnt want them on my phone/email. Both messages sound very innocent and standard in my opinion.

Some things are out of your control, especially when in a relationship. You just need to trust, love and work through it.

LegacyUser

beentheredonethat - Thank you for your reply.

I honestly don't know how I should be feeling right now and I wanted to know if I was over reacting.

I think the way we started our relationship has a lot to do with it - I sometimes think if he did it to her, what's not to say he will do it to me.

I don't have an issue as such with him or her texting each-other, my issue it with the hiding of it. From time to time my ex whom I'm still friends with will text and I will also just mention it just so he knows there is nothing going on.

I'm 27 next month and I'm at the stage where I'm thinking about the future alot, the thinking it might not be with him is scary.

Your post has helped me - Beentheredonethat

ElleEm

beentheredonethat wrote: »

Hiya OP.

Please dont take this the wrong way but I think you're over reacting slightly. For a start I would say the majority of men (and some women) watch porn. Theres nothing to be upset or annoyed about, they are just visual images. He loves you, he sleeps with you, he is WITH you.

Secondly, I understand its upsetting when an ex texts your boyfriend. I started a past realtionship in the same way and spent the majority of it worrying about him and his ex, or him with other girls. You can choose to let this worrying destroy your relationship or trust your boyfriend. Without trust there is no real point in being together.

If I was in his shoes and my ex was texting me, I would also delete the messages. Both out of respect for my current boyfriend and because I just wouldnt want them on my phone/email. Both messages sound very innocent and standard in my opinion.

Some things are out of your control, especially when in a relationship. You just need to trust, love and work through it.

I would do this too.
He told you about the texts- that is the important bit. How would you feel if he didn't tell you she text and you found the messages on his phone? Worse, I would imagine, because he was withholding info, but this way, he is sharing it with you, but deleting them as they are unimportant to him.
How you get together will plague you somewhat, but you have to learn to trust him.

In relation to the porn, I would imagine you would have to be fairly naive not to think your guy looked at it. I think you need to just get past that ASAP. Look at the MANY other threads on porn throughout Boards. It is very common, men and women both use it, it is innocent and normal and I doubt there is anything you can do about him watching it, bar making him feel like he should keep it secret from you.

It seems like you are really insecure, and you should really work on this as it has the ability to end relationships.