advice on how to get over a crush you see everyday.

LegacyUser

Yeah so I've developed a crush on a girl I know I can't have due to professional reasons and not only is it affecting my work but shes all I can seem to think of. I've tried thinking of other things but my thoughts keep going round in circles back to thinking of her. Weekends come and my thoughts of her seem to die down but they all come back as soon as I see her again. I've even thought about quitting what I'm doing because of this as my heads not 100% into things I need to do. I've never been a jealous guy either until now, when I see her laughing with other men I get a little angry inside and I was never an angry person either.

So has anyone ever been in a similar situation who can offer advice on what worked for them. I always develop crushes on woman I can't have except no crush has ever made me feel like this.

tutularue

You said that you can't have her due to professional reasons but lots of people meet their spouses at work? Have you considered this crush may like you back or is this just a complete fantasy on your part, as in she is already married/taken? If there is zero hope for you and this girl then I would say you should just keep contact to a minimum and try and occupy your head with other things. Maybe make more of an effort to meet someone who is more available for you?

LegacyUser

Married no, has she got a boyfriend not sure but she never mentions him but talks about going out with her mates a lot. Meeting more available woman is a solution except I've been around many but most of them don't get my attention. Also keeping contact to a minimum is impossible as I have to interact with her regularly. I know many people have been in similar situations as this is part of human nature so suggestions that worked for others is very welcomed.

castle

Ask her out is best thing to do if you both are single ,even if you both are seeing other people but not married ,kids nothing to heavy then just ask her out,

blueyes12

Maybe she feels the same about you and can't stop thinking about you either, but you are never going to know until you approach her! Best of luck

LegacyUser

blueyes12 wrote: »

Maybe she feels the same about you and can't stop thinking about you either, but you are never going to know until you approach her! Best of luck

I should also mention that when it comes to woman I like a lot I get really shy around them and don't have the confidence to ask them out which stems from rejection I got from my first ever crush years ago. I've never had a problem around woman I felt slightly attracted to which is probably why I'm single now and the last thing I need is thoughts that she could feel the same way cause that just gives hope

Holsten

You have oneitis for this girl it seems.

Ask her out, it's as easy as that. She says yes - happy days you've got a date. She says no - fair enough, forget about her and move onto the next.

blueyes12

storyofmylife wrote: »

I should also mention that when it comes to woman I like a lot I get really shy around them and don't have the confidence to ask them out which stems from rejection I got from my first ever crush years ago. I've never had a problem around woman I felt slightly attracted to which is probably why I'm single now and the last thing I need is thoughts that she could feel the same way cause that just gives hope

So hope that this girl/woman is also attracted to you is something that you don't want? From your message you mention confidence and rejection, fear of rejection is not uncommon in situations like this, it's actually a normal human response. I'm unsure as to what it is you want to achieve?

Rejection is not pleasant at all but it sounds more like you are given up before you start! Sorry If that seems blunt but if this situation is affecting you in the way your mentioning, you need to put a plan of action in place.

Walk away from this "crush" and try your hardest to get over her
Or
Try making conversation with her and take it from there, if she's also attracted to you then you will know soon enough!

cantdecide

OP, I was in your exact situation not all that long ago. Potentially even more complicated depending if she took it badly.

We were always pally at work so I just asked her if she'd mind if I asked a personal question. Her ears pricked up and she said she didn't mind (she must have known what was coming). I told her I've been wondering for a while if she were single. She was a bit dumbfounded and started stuttering and blushing but said 'it's a bit complicated at the moment'. I presumed she was just letting me down gently but I was happy for know for sure.

I told her I hoped she wasn't embarrassed but I thought it were better to ask and know for sure than say nothing and never know. She said she was very flattered and in the end, it was all rather sweet. We were even more pally subsequently and even stayed in touch after she eventually left to work elsewhere. It really helped me move on too so no harm came of it at all.

I never regret asking as long as you do it carefully and respectfully.

LegacyUser

I guess the only thing to do is man up but I still need tips on how to get over a crush because if I get turned down the feelings will still be here and then I'll feel bad about myself lol.

cantdecide

storyofmylife wrote: »

I guess the only thing to do is man up but I still need tips on how to get over a crush because if I get turned down the feelings will still be here and then I'll feel bad about myself lol.

Not to labour the point but really, I've always found that asking has set me free. To know that you've put it out there and there will never be any what ifs. She might reject you but you haven't denied yourself. It's very liberating and it humanises her again in your mind. IME, literally, the first step in the process of getting over someone is to ask her out. On the basis that she rejects you (of course this might or might not happen), asking her out is 50% of the process. Besides that, the trick is to keep your mind occupied, be nice to yourself and plan something to look forward to, such as a short trip or knock something fun off your bucket list. It's all about you being nice to yourself and moving forward by hook or by crook.