Girlfriend going to Asia

LegacyUser

Hi, I have been seeing a girl for the past 4 years. We really love each other and in a good relationship.

Basically to cut to the chase, my girlfriend wants to go to Asia for 4 weeks. I can't go because of work commitments. I really don't want to stand in her way. I know some here might see this differently but I'm not a controlling guy but I went to Thailand myself before we got together and I know what goes on there. I'm not saying she's that type of girl cause she isn't and I know she has good intentions. But, it's party party party and while I was there with friends I saw plenty of girls with boyfriends going off with other people.

Again I'm not saying she will, but it's just a constant stream of guys hitting on girls...it's not really an environment I'm comfortable with. She will be in situations where she is back at the hostel and will have guys hitting on her all night, I'm not comfortable with that.

Also, I'm not an insecure guy, if someone is gonna cheat then they will and there's nothing you can do to stop them. It's just I don't want to put a gun to her head, I feel like if I tell her I don't want her to go she'll feel controlled and go anyway.

Sorry for the long mail, any response is very much appreciated.

Thank you

CaraMay

You don't trust your girlfriend. If you did a holiday would not be a problem.

Send her off with good wishes and the chances are she will come back to you but start tiring over this and it will be the death of the relationship either way.

melon_collie

'if someone is gonna cheat then they will and there's nothing you can do to stop them'

You answered your own question here.

I completely agree with the previous poster. If you make an issue of it she will be pi**ed off and will remember it for the entire trip.

Be happy for her and give her a night to remember before she leaves. She'll remember it for the duration of the trip.

Merkin

I think objecting to this will cause you a lot more grief and your relationship a lot more damage than were you to wave her off with good intentions. If you actually trusted your girlfriend in the first place you wouldn't have any issue with her going but for the fact you're going to miss her while she's away. Four weeks is nothing, I'd support her in her wishes and get working on your own trust issues tbh.

ElleEm

You don't get a say in whether she goes or not. It's her trip!
Maybe she will have guys hit on her, but she also may have lads hitting on her on a regular Saturday night in town- do you fear she will cheat with them?
Just cos your thai adventure was "party party party" does not mean her's will be. She may have a completely different holiday.
I really encourage you not to share this with your girlfriend. You will create a feeling if mistrust and most likely argue a lot. You want her to go away feeling loved up and committed to you, not angry and sad that you think she will cheat.

RubyWoo83

One of the worse things you can do in a relationship is try and hold the other person back from experiencing life. This is a once in a lifetime trip for a lot of people so I would suggest you don't stand in her way.

Aside from being controlling (and it is by the way), it could lead to her resenting you.

Have a bit of faith in her!

CommanderC

It sounds like you are convinced she will cheat if presented with a hostel/party full of lads.

How strong is the relationship at present ? Are there problems ?

kat.mac

OP, to be brutally honest, I would go mental if my boyfriend was thinking along those lines while I was looking forward to the trip of a lifetime. You clearly don't trust her.

I was in Thailand while I had a boyfriend back home, and I partied a lot, yet I somehow managed to resist the other boys. Have a bit of faith in your girlfriend and don't ruin her trip on her!

judgefudge

I can understand your apprehension, particularly if you've been there and it was crazy. But you really have no options here OP. what are you asking? Should you try and stop her? You can't stop her, and suggesting it will destroy your relationship. Let her go, and take the time to really think about whether you trust her.

I assume when she's away you'll be in contact over Skype or email. DON'T take out your insecurities on her by being bitchy or nasty when you are in touch with her. It would push her away and ruin her holiday. Without any proof that she is acting inappropriately, she really doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.

Dare2baDaniel

Are you actually being serious? Wise up, you are being controlling. You don't feel 'comfortable'? Are you her boyfriend or her father? Your reaction to your girlfriend going on an amazing trip is ludicrous

sffc

Sadly OP its you that has the problem here . Frighteningly you know it too because you mention insecurity , trust and all those other words that you know we will use in our replies . Despite knowledge this you cannot it seems change the way you feel and I don't think posters here can change you either .
Are you tempted to cheat OP ?? Are you worried about her going because you may cheat while she's away ? In a huge number of cases where guy/gals show signs of insecurity it's they themselves that are thinking about other people . You need to take a long hard look in the mirror mate .

RossFixxxed

I think some reactions are a little knee jerk here to be honest.

Everyone gets a bit worried / insecure from time to time despite themselves. You remember it a certain way and your mind wanders off from you.

There is good advice above, it is an issue in your head, and you shouldn't cause her strife before a huge trip of a lifetime. But a little anxiety and worry doesn't mean you are a cheater, or you have no trust in your relationship etc.

I'm 11 years in a really loyal relationship, but once or twice we've gotten a bit worried. Often you know yourself it's a bit silly but you can't just pretend you don't feel it. Just handle it well and it will fade! You know the situation, and from your post you realise it's a bit irrational. Show me someone in a relationship who has never had irrational thoughts and I'll show you a robot marriage!

Best of luck OP.

Neyite

OP, your Thailand experience was party central. Mine wasnt. It was a girlie holiday where we enjoyed sunbathing, reading, getting dolled up for a nice meal then a few drinks. We had boyfriends at home and managed not to cheat on them. It's what you make it.

My boyfriend went on a holiday with his two single mates. To be honest, he hated it, as the two lads were on the pull until the wee hours, while he was the spare wheel. Then they would sleep most of the day when he wanted to be up and about and doing activites. I did have my concerns at the time he booked - just like you, but I figured if he was going to cheat it was best I knew before I wasted too much time with him. He has declined every lads holiday since as he prefers to go with me - we are much more in tune with what we like to do on our trips away.

You just have to trust her really.Put it this way, if she is flakey enough to cheat on you on a holiday, wouldnt you rather know now than years down the line with more invested?

thier

If she's going to cheat on you, that's her choice. You can't control her behaviour.

You just have to trust her. If she cheats, then you're better off without her.

LegacyUser

Thank you for all your responses here. Much appreciated.

You will be glad to hear I took all your advice on board. I sent her off wishing her well and told her I'd be waiting for her when she returned. There was no point letting my worries or insecurities get in the way, it'd only be an issue down the line.

We've been in contact quite regularly since, through facebook, mainly her saying how much she loves me and filling me in on her day. I usually let her begin it, I don't want to be badgering her with emails. But in the past few 4 days nothing, she hasn't emailed or any form of contact. I emailed yesterday and she never got back to me, I know she has seen it because it says she has.

I don't really understand how you can go from, ''so in love'' to not even replying.

ElleEm

AnnonDave wrote: »

Thank you for all your responses here. Much appreciated.

You will be glad to hear I took all your advice on board. I sent her off wishing her well and told her I'd be waiting for her when she returned. There was no point letting my worries or insecurities get in the way, it'd only be an issue down the line.

We've been in contact quite regularly since, through facebook, mainly her saying how much she loves me and filling me in on her day. I usually let her begin it, I don't want to be badgering her with emails. But in the past few 4 days nothing, she hasn't emailed or any form of contact. I emailed yesterday and she never got back to me, I know she has seen it because it says she has.

I don't really understand how you can go from, ''so in love'' to not even replying.

Maybe she has been super busy and is waiting til she has proper time to sit and write to you properly. Or maybe she has no particular news.

Just because she hasn't replied immediately does not mean she loves you any less.

She is on HOLIDAY! Let her enjoy herself. She is probably caught up in all the fun she is having, allow her that.

dellas1979

Youve only been waiting a day really for a reply-relax! Dont be jumping to conclusions, or youll drive yourself mad!

Could be any number of reasons. Just get on with your things here, and trust in her that shell be in contact soon. Ye are too far away from eachother at the moment to start an argument. She will be back!

micar

Was going out with a girl a few years ago.
About 9 months into the relationship, I went off to Asia for a 8 week holiday. It was initially for 6 weeks but I extended it for 2 weeks.
I really missed her. I never contemplated cheating on her.
She on the other hand had cheated on all her ex boyfriends.
A few days after I came home, she told me that she had cheated on me twice in the space of 3 days. This was about 10 days before I came home. She tried to blame me for it as I was away for 8 weeks. She ruined the best holiday I have had/will ever have.
I didn't have the guts to walk away. We ended up together for another 2.5 years but all trust had gone. Was relieved for it to end as I would never have married her.

Allow her to have a wonderful holiday. Don't piss each other off. Meet her at the airport. Ask her about her holiday. Have a comfortable first evening back. As you'll be expecting a present, get one for her!!!!!

LegacyUser

Hey OP.
After being in Thailand myself I reckon its the type of place that a lady would be less likely to cheat believe it or not...

Think about the majority of guys that will be there
Body building, tattooed, dreadl-ocked narcissistic f*ckwits with monkies on their shoulders and sh*t,
Good looking but personality-less Scandinavian Mother Teresas,
Dodgey Russian aul fellas,
Friendly, local,but ultimately dangerous, lean lookin little ****ers doing press-up-jumping on a burning skipping rope.
British di*kheads with glowsticks sticking out of their ears,

All of the above are likely to have shagged someone with the Clap, and smart girls like your girl know this!

She'll be moving around quite a bit in a short space of time as well, so no chance to form any meaningful attachments with anyone.

I was there in Jan and the Internet is crap the further you go North, just chill out and she'll be back soon!